MONKEY BUSINESS

The jungle of Youngistan was an area of tranquillity amongst the various jungles in the world. Ruled by the Lion, the food chain was in order, with each getting what it required, as per the law of nature. Though nothing was in excess, but the idea of contentment which was inherited by the animals from their predecessors ensured that no animal hankered for that ‘extra’, which had become the bane of other forests. Life passed on peacefully.

Peaceful and content, though Youngistan might have been, the jungles all around were changing. Most of the Jungles were now becoming Jungles of Concrete instead of Jungles of trees. The animals who were propagating issues of environment were cutting trees on the sly and then resorting to compelling the meek and timid jungles to save trees, so that they could get more trees to cut.

But away from all the hullabaloo, Youngistan was at peace with itself. Complying with the law of the jungle, the king Lion did partake his food by devouring his share of the animals, but nobody complained. For not only was the Lion wise and sagacious , but his enormous strength ensured that his subjects never felt threatened by any other animal from the surrounding jungles of concrete. Any attempt to encroach on the territory and inhabitants of Youngistan was sternly dealt by the Lion.

With the passage of time, some monkeys of Youngistan, who had been captured by the Circus people of one of the Jungle of Concrete but had now become useless with the introduction of events like the ‘laughter challenge’ were left back in Youngistan. These monkeys, who had travelled around other jungles with their performance of dancing and jumping up and down the trampoline, now felt like an outcaste in the languid atmosphere of Youngistan. With the King Lion around, they dare not try any ‘monkey business’ with the other animals of Youngistan, for they shivered at the thought of punishment which would be meted out by the Lion, in case they got caught, which knowing the Lion, they would. On the contrary, in the Jungle of Concrete, with its law enforcing body of Central Bureau of Idiots, nobody would ever get caught.

“Why can we not have the Central Bureau of Idiots” would crib Kapi the monkey, who being the perfect imitator, had watched innumerable episodes of Adalat and picked up the mannerisms of a lawyer. He was referred to as Kapi the Vakil by his Band of Monkeys. The band also consisted of Mamo, who did not have a mind of his own and simply followed the dikats of Soni the monkey who did not originally belong to Youngistan, but had met them subsequently at the Circus. Since she was not accepted by her own jungle folks who were now ruled by Silvio the King Of Monkey business, she had come to Youngistan. Since Mamo did not have a mind of his own, and Kapi had seen that such animals were called as Economists in the Jungle of Concrete, he was referred to as Mamo the Economist. Mamo felt thrilled whenever he was called so.

But the star in this band was neither, Kapi, nor Soni or Mamo, but Baba the monkey. Baba who was the son of Soni was strikingly good looking for a monkey. Amongst the band which was haggard and tired after spending a life time in the circus, Baba’s looks was a talking point. He was referred to by other names based on products in the Jungle of Concrete, Yuvraj, Amul were some of the titles he had earned.

But Kapi could crib about the CBI only in private, for he was scared to death of the Lion. Kapi, incidentally, had befriended a rat like animal on his way back to Youngistan and named it B’char, after his fondness for the pickle. B’char was smaller than the rat and very timid in nature. But Kapi was very fond of him.

The monkeys were however very uncomfortable after their return. Though they had been welcomed back after their arrival by other animals, the presence of the Lion would not let them sleep in peace. The tricks learnt in the Jungle of Concrete could be displayed in his presence at their peril. As providence would have it, Kapi came across Raja the jackal. Raja was a disgruntled jackal, who had been punished by the King after one of his misadventures in the past. Raja took his name seriously, “Arre what King” he would say,” he is an usurper”, he would go on, “I am the real Raja”. He had a motley group of friends in Manti the skunk, Power the fat mouse and Karu the Racoon, all carrying resentment against the Lion.

The band of monkeys now had friends.

One day, Kapi had a brainwave.

“This is dictatorship” he would say, “In the jungles of concrete, which has tall buildings, shopping malls, multiplexes and the laughter challenge, this would not do” he would go on. Kapi would then take out photographs of the Jungle of concrete and show it to the animals who would inquisitively gather around. Some animals would be impressed by what they saw, “how do we get this” they would ask. “simple” karu would say, “ get what the Jungle of Concrete has.”

“What?” the impressed animals would say.

“Elect your leader” Power would add.

“But we already have a leader” the animals would say, “the Lion”.

“Arre, what leader?” Raja would now join in, “look what he brought you,” Only trees and talks of happiness. Now take a look at the real happiness,” the photographs would be again circulated.

B’char would quitely witness this sitting in the lap of Kapi. Mamo would only look at Soni for guidance, who in turn would look at Baba radiantly.

“Yes, we can” now reverberated around Youngistan, “enough of contentment”.

The Lion did nothing, for he loved his subjects. Moreover he had seen enough of life to desperately hanker for kingship. Although one roar from him would have ensured that “Yes we can” converted to “No, we can’t”, but he did not roar. The demand was conceded to.

Now everyone in the band of monkeys wanted Baba to become their leader. But Soni would have none of it. “What if the Lion decides to come back” she thought, “Baba might be in trouble.”

“Mamo will be our leader,” she exclaimed. The rest had no choice, “Yea, so be it” they screeched, for they did not want this opportunity to go.

Mamo did not know what to say. Actually, he had know idea as to what was going on. Well, that he had no idea about anything, except look towards Soni could not be revealed before everyone.

The first few months went of peacefully. The Lion stayed in the background, content with what he had, which apart from his dietary requirements was not much. Laughter Challenge was introduced, and everybody was happy.

Unnoticed, B’char started gaining weight.

But Youngistan was very happy. They would roll over with laughter after watching Laughter challenge.

However, Vicky the Cockatoos started detecting something fishy. Vicky had a habit of eavesdropping into conversation amongst animals and then not keeping that secret to himself. He literally leaked secrets, and had therefore earned the nickname, “Vickleaks’.

Now Vicky overheard the conversation Raja, Power and Karu were having with the animals of Jungle of Concrete. He also noticed that any animal passing by B’char would start losing weight whereas B’char was growing by the day. The birds and animals passing by B’char would externally appear to be alright but would internally loose all flesh leaving only the skeleton behind.

Vikyleaks now put two and two together and started screaming ,”Look at B’char, look at B’char,” it sounded desperate, as other animals gathered around, “it is becoming fat, while the rest of the animals are growing weak.”

Vicky leaks also shared the conversations it had overheard amongst Raja, Karu, Kapi and the animals of Jungle of Concrete.

Youngistan now became agitated. As it is, they had become bored with the Laughter Challenge and now this. They marched towards the tree, which was home to Mamo. “We demand an answer” they told Mamo.

They could now see B’char growing menacing by the second. B’char now looked like a beast. A dinosaur would have looked like a pygmy in front of B’char. It was sucking life out of animals, in front of the rest.

“You must do something” they pleaded before Mamo.

Mamo looked at Soni, who looked radiantly at Baba, oblivious of the events.

“Say something” the animals would say, “ the Lion would always look after us and listen to us” they said.

The reference of the Lion brought a frown on the face of Soni. Seeing this, Mamo turned towards the protesting animals, “I deny the veracity, authenticity or the very existence of the conversations reported by Vickleaks” he said.

“Fine, deny it, but what about the menacing size assumed by B’char” the animals retorted, “an animal which could be barely seen by the naked eye, now reaches the sky,” they were angry.

“The growth of B’char is a figment of your imagination” Mamo said confidently, “ he is such an innocuous animal.”

“Do something about B’char. It is alive and growing,” the animals were by now pleading, “The Lion would have done something.”

The reference of Lion again brought Soni and consequently Mamo into action. He started to swing from tree to tree in front of B’char, without doing anything.

“What is this?” the animals demnded.

“Action, my dear friends” Kapi the lawyer spoke out, “after all you do expect a monkey to fight like a Lion, do you?” Kapi had his usual smirk on his face, “please applaud your leader for taking action”.

Soni, started to clap, without even bothering to look towards the swinging Mamo. She looked radiantly at Baba, who sat like his usual doll self, without uttering a word. .

The dove, the peaceful dove, had by now had enough. “If this is the action you propose to take” he said, “I will sit down on this branch and fast myself to death”.

The band of monkeys felt nothing……initially.

The Lion, who was a witness to everything, sat reclusively, without any reaction. But his eyes betrayed his emotions. Some animals swore that they saw a spark in those stone cold eyes.

By now, the animals started gathering around the tree where the dove was on a fast unto death. First they came like narrow streams, which suddenly started gathering momentum.

B’char was least affected by this. It had grown even bigger since the agitation started. Mamo was swinging from tree to tree, “I am taking action.”

Finally, Kapi had another brainwave, “okay, if you want more action” he said , “we will form a team of animals who eat less, and let them come up with a proposal to bring back B’char back to size. Since the team will have animals who eat less, we can refer to the team as Kameaty”.

The animals were very happy, “hail, the dove” they said , “now B’char will be brought back to size.” They cantered back to their Laughter Challenge.

B’char was by now reaching the heavens. Even the Gods were getting restless, as anybody would be if they had somebody staring into their living rooms.

The dove was very restless. Vickyleaks was still shouting at the top of his voice, shouting about the monkey business going on. The band of monkeys had gone back to their work.

The Lion is watching……………

Will it remember its strength and attack????????/

Answers, anybody?

The Choice

“नानी तेरी मोरनी को मोर ले गए, बाकी जो बचा था काले चोर ले गए”.

Wrote Raja Mehdi Ali for the film Masoom in 1962. He further went on,

“उन चोरों की खूब खबर ली मोटे थानेदार ने, मोरों को भी खूब नचाया जंगल की सरकार ने "

The song sung by Baby Ranu Mukherji and set to music by the legendary Hemant Kumar, symbolised the simple and at yet the naïve times in freshly independent India.

Indira Gandhi subsequently launched her nationalisation and licence quota raj regime. Manmohan Singh followed it up with his liberalisation policies, first as Finance Minister and subsequently in his avatar as Prime Minister.

The thaanedars now found it expedient to join the chors and the Mores (peacocks)…well their dance became item numbers only.

The transparency international which every year brings out an integrity index indicates the fall in the integrity and probity of us Indians, as we keep on slithering down years after year, leading to a real danger of slipping out of the list altogether.

But are we Indians really concerned ???

The UPA I and its sequel, which ostensibly came to power on the premise of ‘कांग्रेस का हाथ आम आदमी के साथ’ slowly but steadily transformed into thousand headed monster of corruption which began to devour the very aam aadmi who had presumbaly brought it to power.As if the CWG scam, the 2 G scam, the S-band spectrum scam, the Adarsh society scam,the CVC shame, the never ending Hasan Ali Khan saga, the Radia tapes and stuff were not enough, the Wikileaks cables confirmed the worst fears people had about the pretensions of democracy in this country. The fact that money power had been unabashedly used to win the vote of confidence in the previous Lok sabha was confirmed by the U.S diplomatic cables.

And the response from a government led by a man whom his self appointed media managers proclaim as a ‘man of impeccable honesty and integrity’, has been so typical of seeking the technicalities of the incident happening in the previous Lok Sabha or simply denying any such incident or challenging the opposition on an election fought and won, ignoring the fact that he has never fought any election as an individual candidate.

The response of the government to the momentous occasion of Anna Hazare going on an ‘fast unto death’ also shows the unwillingness of the political class and the bureaucray to learn from its mistakes and make a new begining, at least at this stage. The mistakes which now make India amongst the most, if not the most corrupt country in the world, where everything which is unlawful can be done provided you are able to make the correct bid and where every law abiding and law implementing person leaves his home scared as to whether he will come back to his family that day. If you do not believe this, perhaps the case of Dr.B.P.Singh, a CMO, in the U.P.Govt. muredered a few days back or of a Manjunath the young IOC officer, might serve as a reminder.

The Prime Minister, who had all the time in the world to sit in leisure and the watch the India Pakistan world cup quarter final in Mohali, a few days back (incidentally the Indo Pak negotiations have again started without any pre condition), has no time for Anna Hazare and passes of the responsibility of the main demand of the adoption of the Jan Lok Pal bill,to the EGOM on corruption.

A unique facet of modern day governance in India is to create committtees for every issue under the sun, from one on corruption, to the right toilet paper for the ministers and perhaps the Parliamentarians, to who should be the next coach of the indian Cricket team.

The concept of committee has been very aptly summed up by the following quote:

"A committee is a group of people who individually can do nothing, but who, as a group, can meet and decide that nothing can be done." -Fred Allen

The concept of Parliament and cabinet has been given the short shrift, perhaps because the leader himself has entered the Parliament on a false declaration of being a resident of a state which he has hardly been to in an individual capacity.

It is interesting to note the composition of the EGOM on corruption which included lumonaries as Veerapa Moily, Kapil Sibal, and last but not the least Sharad Pawar. Kapil Sibal has earned millions defending the indefensible and made the famous comparison of the CAG estimate of loss under 2G spectrum sale as a ‘notional loss’. Today, the CBI which behaves more of a pet poodle rather than a police dog has filed a charge sheet in the same case, but Sibal continues anyway. Sharad Pawar, who has since resigned from the EGOM, must perhaps be the biggest land owner in Maharashtra through legal and benami means, and has his fingers in every pie, except his duty as agriculture minister and was perhaps the last person with credentials to serve on such a committee or on other thoughts, perhaps the perfect credentials.

The government which appears to be under pressure because of growing public frustration has now resorted to typical bureaucratic double talk of acceding to the demand of Anna Hazare to the formation of a committee of Civil activists and ministers to draft a Lok Pal bill by consensus. The double talk is exposed by a dead giveaway that it will not be formally constituted but will meet informally under the chairmanship of who else, but the eternal fire fighter Pranab Mukherjee, whose contribution in the “ONLY VIMAL” brand is all too well known.

It is clear as day light that the left to themselves the politicians will never bring in any anti corruption mechanism. The denigration of the office of the CVC and the CBI bears no reiteration. The hand of the politicians and the bureaucrats will have to be forced. Rest assured that the fight will be drawn out and tedious. The Egypt or the Tunisian model will not work out for us, since the country is hopelessly divided along religious, linguistic and caste fault lines. The very candle lighters and socialites who today sings paeans in praise of Anna Hazare were the ones who thronged the streets of Mumbai, post 26/11 vowing to eliminate the politicians, and within months voting the same people to power who had brought upon them this calamity.

The government will have to be arm twisted into pursuing the money launderers with billions or perhaps trillions stashed away abroad. If the ill gotten wealth of despots and dictators lying in tax havens can be frozen on the request of the concerned country, what stops the government of India from using its economic and strategic muscle to enforce this ‘freeze’, more so in light of the fact that one Mr Q has already emptied his account, and hopefully made payment to the right persons.

This battle will require introspection by each and every citizen about the nature of the country which we wish to leave for our children, as it is not about us but for forthcoming generations. The choice is stark, either we go the way of the Japanese who withstood the calamity of enormous proportions with equanimity, which stems from their inherent honesty or the way of Somalia where even the drought relief is looted and sold in open market. The choice is entirely ours.

In the meanwhile, let a million Anna Hazares bloom.