Text message received by me yesterday--"I. P.L. does the trick. Inflation down to Zero percent. Happy India?"
This Middle class mentality makes my blood boil. You know The Middle class! The ones who are concerned about these outdated stuff like Inflation, Cost of Living, Terrorism, Farmer's suicide, Reservation in Jobs etc. As you realise they are such selfish people that instead of rejoicing in Manoranjan Ka Baap arriving ( such a beautiful Ad on T.V., it brings tears to my eyes) all they think about is Inflation. Arre Baba please do not disturb me with your pessimistic talk while I watch King Khan (my salutations to him and his six pack abs) dance like a cat on a hot tin roof every time THE KOLKATA KNIGHT RIDERS (the team he owns ) hits a boundary or takes a wicket. What unbridled joy he exhibits, and No! I do not find his antics insulting to players of the calibre of Rahul Dravid, after he belongs to the rival camp (Vijay Mallya , but more about him later). Look at King Khan , he spends millions on buying a team/players ,dancing away to glory whereas he should be the one worrying about inflation and such mundane stuff.
King Khan is on record stating that he will dance at any marriage provided he gets good money and you party poopers are not even grateful for seeing him dance for free.
I could not believe my good fortune (even Dhoni did not) when these great personalities Vijay Mallya, Preity Zinta (what fun to be bought by her) got around 'buying' players . And Adam Gilchrist has the nerve to say that he felt 'like a cow' while being auctioned. That is the problem with these firangs and especially this man Gilchrist .I feel he also belongs to the middle class, the fool used to 'Walk' before the umpire could give him out. Rumour is that he got so tired of waiting for Steve 'Slow Death' Bucknor to give a decision that he decided to "walk'', to save himself from getting hypertension. These people are also not grateful for the fact that these great personalities made payments while buying them whereas in this great country of ours they could have forcibly 'obtained' them (like the Netas do, right from ..... to Aeroplanes. Remember Abdul Wahab and Sadhu Yadav) with the Devi of Justice(the one with blindfolds, sword and Tarazu) being as blind as she appears to be. I at times wonder how she manages the sword with the blindfolds, or on other thoughts maybe that is why she does not use it.
Anyway back to I.P.L . I was not able to sleep last night after I learnt that Vijay Mallya was going to bring over Air Hostesses from Kingfisher Airways (he owns that too.....The airways you idiots )for the next match to let his opponents 'feel the heat'. Boy, What fun! as if if watching those half dressed firang cheerleaders wasn't enough......At times I forgot it was Cricket I was supposed to watch. And all you middle class insinuate is that I could not sleep because of the usual power cut.
I am so Happy that Lalit Modi has been appointed Commissioner for I.P.L (whatever that means). Apparently his childhood desire was to become a Commissioner but since he could not qualify the prelims. for the Civil Services he got this post tailor made for himself (Rumours are that his non qualification was because all the seats were captured by the Middle class). Even I also wanted to become a Commissioner ,as my writings would indicate .....I could not.When I wanted to Tailor make a post I nearly became a Tailor, so you see that is where the similarity ends. And do not ask me what a Commissioner is supposed to do in Cricket since even Mr. Modi does not have an answer.
The Great Rajiv Shukla (holds some post in BCCI, Politician and last but not the least was the best student in Arjun Singh school of Sycophancy) is so cheesed of with Lalit Modi for hogging all the limelight( and Preity Zinta) that he has complained to Madam's office to get his due share. Poor fellow , has not been made a minister,Sharad Pawar is a heavy weight (literally and figuratively ) he cannot remove as BCCI President and now this.......
So many foreign players have been bought by our great personalities and instead of bowing our heads in respect all we do is crib about inflation and stuff. Imagine Ricky Ponting playing the next test match aginst india (will he dare appeal against India with King Khan - his owner in the stands). This is India's entry into the world of capitalism.
The only problem has cropped up between the guys at P.E.T.A And the HUMAN RIGHTS guys. Apparently all the Monkeys have been removed from the vicinity of cities where Andrew Symonds is going to play ,for reasons I am not going to elaborate upon. Now the people at PETA have a unique way of highlighting issues of animal concern (females dress up as animals ,in all their natural glory) and therefore they have the firepower to more than match up with Preity Zinta, Kingfisher girls and the firang cheerleaders. The Human Rights guys have steeped into save Andrew Symonds from Racial harrasment, and an interesting battle is brewing. There are rumours that players whose name begin with the dreaded word 'M' have not been bought to avoid legal complications.Muralidharan , beware,as it is you have enough with your javeline throwing and now this.
By the way did you watch the Ad where Sourav Ganguli picks up a Cricket ball and eats it......what bravery ,as that is the only way to avoid those bouncers and moreover my sources tell me that is what he gets to eat at home after he tried out the message of "Make love not War" with Nagma. His wife also must be so Middle class, you know always thinking about themselves, while a person spreads the message of love so selflessly.
Akshay Kumar is pitching in for Delhi Daredevils and in anger Raj Thackrey( the lion cub) has roped in Ravina Tandon and all of Akshay's innumerable girlfriends to pitch in for the Mumbai Indians (although he calls the team Mumbai Marathas). Even the Big B, Small B and Mrs. Small B have been issued advisories to pitch in for them publicly failing which three stones will be thrown at their house, an article written and Taxi Drivers mercilessly beaten up. The Taxi drivers will anyway run away these two teams meet.
Karunanidhi has advised all Tamilans (including his favourite LTTE) to play for Tamil pride and has already written a poem for it. He has pledged to give up all claims on the Hogennakal water project if his team beats the Bangalore guys ( the Kingfisher ones). God forbid ,if they lose Rajanikant will be forced to go on a hunger strike, Kingfisher airlines with its Airhostesses will not be allowed to land in Chennai ..and this will just be the begining.
As the I.P.L ad says Cricket ka Karmayuddha, but I forgot what Cricket has got to do with this.
Anyway inflation as per newspaper reports is at 7.14% ,down .27% from last week. Thanks to the newspaper guys for letting us know it is down , otherwise......
Let the game.. oops! The Show begin
