MAHABHARATA

One of the earliest ambitions in life was to play Hockey for India and win an Olympic gold. But since I did not have the resources to pay the ‘Service Tax’ to the likes of Jyotikumaran aka J. K. (kindly refer to the write up CHAK DE, if in doubt), I shifted my vision to being a world class athlete , but an ability to get tired after jogging for 100 meters stood me in good stead and there went my ambition. Since then I have wanted to become a politician , but the eligibility criteria of a few murders and dacoity etc. has disqualified me , a movie hero, but since my Father refused to sponsor my debut movie (which Sunil Shetty’s father did not ) , my silver screen ambitions turned to ash.

Then it struck me , I could become a movie Director ( the pervert That I am , the casting couch was an added incentive ) .Since my resources were meagre and my father was still not willing to sponsor me , script, actors and stuff became a problem . I had to look out for something which was ready to serve and needed the least of investment and since I was terrified of horror movies , my options of making a movie without a script were thin. But to my rescue came a script which was ready made and had been a hit for thousands of years …….Yes, I am talking of THE MAHABHARATA. The added incentive was that I did not need a dialogue writer as I could easily plagiarize dialogues from the T.V serials . And no smirking please , haven’t Anu Malik and Bappi da doing it for years.

Then I got down to casting ,since my acting abilities and directorial vision was nil (the same as the director of Tashan) ,I had to look out for actors / people , who were living the roles in our social milieu . In that way I do not have to direct and they do not need to act. Clever isn’t it !

The following is the cast I have decided upon . My apologies to any deserving candidate left out , but these guys deserved it more in my opinion. Any other suggestion would be most welcome . So here goes………..

1. BHISHMA PITAMAH

And the role goes to ATAL BIHARI VAJPAYEE . The resemblance is uncanny . Both remained bachelors for the sake of dedicating their lives to their nations. And the result is familiar . Bhisma got a bed of arrows from his favorite Arjuna , the hypocrisy of Arjuna in making a pillow of arrows for ‘comfort’, water being brought out through an arrow is amazing. He passed his final days in solitude watching his inheritors destroy his legacy before his eyes . Need anything more be said, if you need any confirmation watch the BJ.P. leaders go at each other. And they call themselves the ‘Next Gen’. The hypocricy of the felicitations on his Birthday ( the only day he is remembered by his ‘Next Gen’) is amazing.

2. DHRITARASHTRA

Who else but Manmohan Singh. While prices are on fire like never before , and instead of taking it head on , the man has the gall to accuse the opposition of ‘ Scare Mongering’ (by the way my favorite ….Inflation has reached 7.57% this past week and Sachin is on the verge of retirement and has two more ads in his kitty). Scare mongering indeed . Sir, if there is any scare , it is on the face of the common man when he goes to the market. Even Nero has a very tough competition.

3. GANDHARI

The one who put on the handkerchief on her eyes. Never made serious efforts to stop her son and even went to the extent of giving him a boon of a body so strong that nothing could break it.

My choice for the role is the Indian electorate. We watch the politicians loot the country , run amok , waste public money and come the General elections , again vote the same lot to power on the basis of caste , muscle power and stuff. Let alone a voice of protest, we grant them unbridled power for the next 5 years and then cry.

4. DRONACHARYA

Who else but Karunanidhi. A man of letters, has limited ambition of being a C.M for 7 terms and never yearns for anything more. But the only problem is that he might seek Arjuna’s thumb instead of Eklavya’s , apparently for the sake of' social justice'. After all Arjuna supposedly belongs to the so called upper caste.

5. YUDHISTIRA

Surprise!! Manmohan Singh in double role. Like the Pandava prince, a man of rare intellect and honesty but never being to implement it and always looking towards others for guidance and help. In a Nutshell, a very weak personality. Now, I am not going to say who the ‘others’ in this case are. I am trying to make a movie and cannot afford controversy, you see, but…………HA HA

6.BHIMA

My choice is RATAN TATA. Acquiring Corus, Tetley , Jaguar, Land Rover and last but not the least, the concept of Nano. The man is flexing his muscles like no Indian before. It is like India hitting back at the Empire. What say???

7. DURYODHANA

His lust for the throne destroyed a nation and I could not find anybody better than Arjuna Singh for the part. Anyway with Manmohan as Yudhistira he fits in to a T. Syophancy, Sachar committee, Reservation……the list is endless. Appears to believe in Ends justifying the means. Country be damned, just annoint me the King.

8. DUSHSHASHANA

RAJ THACKREY. The ease with which he is disrobing the fabric of one nation, cultural unity and peace would be the envy of any Dushshashana. The recklessness he displays would shame all the Kauravas put together.

9. KARNA

Warrior par excellence, benevolent, wisdom aplenty and last but not the least, an epitome of loyalty. But alas poor company! But even his extreme loyalty to them was admirable. The one you would like next to you in a trench during war.

I cast Amitabh Bachchan as Karna . Is Amar Singh listening…… 10. DRAUPADI

The Draupadi of that era had to contend with only one Dushshashana , but Draupadi in this age has to contend with Dushshashana in the form of Corruption, Terrorism, Naxalism , Indifferent attitude of the common man towards the nation , Apathy.........the list is endless .Worse of all there is no Bhima to seek revenge, no Krishna to protect her honour and no Arjuna to raise his Gandiva in her defence.

I therefore cast MOTHER INDIA as Draupadi (not Nargis , you Idiots but BHARAT MATA) . What say mates!

I must admit that my first choice for the role was none other than Mallika Sherawat ( for the oomph factor ,of course) .But then realization dawned that she will take of her clothes before Dushshashana makes a move and Krishna might be politely asked to leave ,when he makes an entry to save her modesty.

11. ABHIMANYU.

] The 14 year old son of Arjuna who was surrounded by 9 Maharathis and killed ,when he could have very well stayed away from battle.

I cast the young officers of the Indian Army. When the fools can easily get into the I.I.T’s and I.I.M’s with the amount of effort they make and earn millions , they join the Army to protect the nation ,get themselves killed, so that these yuppies can earn their millions and idiots like me can write these pieces.

12. YUYUTSU

Perhaps the least known of Mahabharata characters, he switched sides in the battle field and joined the Pandavas ,on the clarion call of Yudhistira. And all this inspite of being Duryodhana’s brother.

In these changed times when such ‘ calls of conscious’ is extinct, I cast the fence sitting Indian Politician on the eve of any Election. The felicity with which they switch allegiances is remarkable.

13 SHAKUNI

In my opinion , the real author of this epic .Prince of Gandhar (now in Pakistan), his sole ambition was to destroy the kingdom of Hastinapur. Used any means to succeed in his ambition and Boy!!! did he succeed....

I cast the Communists , represented by Prakash Karat in this role. Whether be the opposition of the Quit India movement ,calling Netaji Subhash Chandra Bose "Tojo's dog ", Supporting the Chinese invasion of 1962 , threatening the Govt. on a daily basis with regards to withdrawal of support , (have you ever noticed the cut outs at their rallies....LENIN, STALIN ,MAO etc. but not one Indian face ), their deceit is amazing . Apparently , they represent the poor ,but only succeed in making them poorer (sample West Bengal). Any takers..............

KRISHNA and ARJUNA

The fulcrum of Mahabharata. The Teacher and the Student. The epitome of Guru- Shishya parampara. One willing to spread wisdom and knowledge , the other willing to absorb it. Both protectors of truth and the oppressed. The student in my opinion is always greater than the Teacher, since he is willing to acknowledge his ignorance and therefore learn . In these days friends, even if you somehow find such a Teacher , the possibility of finding such a student is.....NIL.

Therefore, I am unable to cast anybody in these two roles……………………

Since you cannot make Mahabharata without Krishna and Arjuna , there goes another one of my dreams.

But do not worry , the fighter that I am , I will not give up on the dream of becoming a Director (after all the incentive is huge ) , and so Ekta Kapoor, here I come with my magnum opus, ‘Bahoo Bhi Kabhi Saas Banegi.’

Castings open. Females who can cry buckets without the use of glycerine, own dozens of gaudy sarees and only bitch around need apply. After all we are constrained on the Budget front.

MANORANJAN KA BAAP II

Bal Thackrey retains his cheerfulness because of his taste in ‘ good music and sports ‘, so goes an article in the Shiv Sena mouthpiece ‘SAMNA’, witten by the cheerful one himself . ‘Cheerful’??????? and Bal Thackrey!!!!!! I beg of any of you to send me a cheerful picture of his . It would be indeed a collector’s item . Anyway wise remarks aside , the context of the article was that the supremo had taken umbrage at the sight of the skimpily clad firang cheerleaders in the I .P.L. and apparently these cheerleaders were the reason for him losing his cheerfulness.
Believing it to be one of those usual harangues of Bal Thackrey , I sat down comfortably in front of the T.V. expecting a very pleasant evening of staying ‘ cheerful’. I and the Supremo differ on a lot of things and this was one of them. Thankfully , my being an inconsequential person, who is not even identified in his own house , saves me from being bashed by the supremo’s army . Anyway, no sooner had I settled down that I nearly fell off my chair (not because off being asleep which happens when I concentrate on I.P.L ), but at the sight off the gorgeous and …… ( this is supposed for family consumption and we do not have the beeps in print ) cheerleaders wearing , hold your breath ,something resembling the lower part off a tracksuit (my vocab is horrible, so please bear with me). I rubbed my eyes in disbelief, this was worse than a nightmare , worse than a Arundhati Roy speech , worse than Anu Malik at his best (or worst ,depends on how you look at it ). It felt as if somebody had sucked life out of my body . This was not supposed to be true………But as usual , it appeared that the Indian Sanskriti had prevailed over my wishes . The supremo had won again.
Not wishing to continue with this torture anymore ( I never watched the Cricket anyway ) , I decided to take a stroll in the nearby park . My heart felt as heavy as a stomach does after a binge on oily and spicy Biryani, and life seemed to have lost all relevance . Entering the Park was an eerie experience , Grown up men sobbed inconsolably , some acted like King Khan in Devdas with bottles in their hands while some sat there forlorn, discussing MetaPhysics which nobody understood (even the masters of M.P. do not understand it) . The reason was evident , Indian Sanskriti had again prevailed over the Indian male. The same Sanskriti which bans F. T.V and Baywatch .
On the other hand , you could hear shrieks off joy from the abandoned homes. No Prizes for guessing, Ekta Kapoor and her version off Indian Sanskriti had made a comeback into households after a hiatus of three weeks.
Before I could recover from this shock comes the shocking news of the great saviour of Indian nationalism Harbhajan Singh bashing up the other great symbol of India Youth, SreeSanth and getting banned from I. P. L. in the bargain.
I smell a foreign conspiracy in the whole affair . After all these two have been in the vanguard of Indian resistance to the Firangs .Remember Sree and his swinging of bat like a buffoon in front of Andre Nel (accompanied by Pelvic thrusts), his pounding of the pitch as if treasure lay hidden underneath , after “once” dismissing Matthew Hayden . What about Harbhajan and his shadow boxing in Australia , his celebrations after taking one wicket as if he had taken Ten in a row.
Uncontrolled laughter has been reportedly heard from the hotel rooms of the Aussies, after the incident. I believe Matthew Hayden had to be hospitalised as his laughter became uncontrollable and Andrew Symonds injured himself, as his vision was distorted because of tears in his eyes. Serves both of them right . Instead of sympathising they have the nerve to laugh at the sight of a weeping SreeSanth , don’t their parents teach them manners ?
My salutations to Sree for behaving like a true Metro Sexual man ( I am not sure of what it means , but sure sounds hep) . What are you supposed to do after getting whacked ? Medical Science informs that controlling Emotions can lead to ulcer. Then who will dance with King Khan and cootchie coo with Priyanka Chopra, For Heaven’s sake!!! So This is the new Youngistaan the Pepsi guys refer to ……….. Great going folks.
All is however not lost for HarBhajan . The Chhotta Supremo, Raj Thackrey has taken up his cause .After all representing the Mumbai Indians , he technically qualifies as a Marathi Manoos . Raj has called for a MAHA bandh and Taxi drivers are being beaten up . Stones have been lobbed at Big B’s residence and Amar Singh been debarred from entering Mumbai.
But Karunanidhi is fighting back .He never watches Cricket as he is too busy getting everything in this country ‘ Reserved’ , but this is too big a issue to let go. Since Raj is on the other side he has called for a T.N bandh to save ‘ Secularism’ . That Sree belngs to Kerala and Raj has turned ‘Secular’ makes no difference. Karuna loves a good fight and so it shall be . He wonders whether he can cut water supply to Mumbai.
Sachin has been asked to appear as a witness. Since Australia he has become a master witness, whether or not he was present at the scene. Anyway whatever he says is gospel in India. Incidentally , Sachin is himself feeling the pinch of Inflation. The Bloody thing has touched 7.33% and that means more money is needed to run the household. That in turn means more ads and more work. You know these ad guys , they are so mean. They do not pay you without working . I.P.L is good, You get paid without playing!!!!
I will now let you on to a secret. With the firang cheerleaders on the way home and to be replaced by desi cheerleaders ( God, have mercy!), Lalit Modi the commissioner ,is contemplating resignation as he had invested heavily in Armanis and with the firangs on the way out where will he strut around in his dapper suits . To hell with being a commissioner , anyway not even he knows his job profile .

CHAK DE

As per Transparency International Corruption Index -2007, India is ranked at 72 out of 180 countries. Nations with an even higher ranking include Nigeria, Sierra Leone, Pakistan , more sub Saharan African nations. Interestingly the higher the ranking the more corrupt a nation is presumed to be.

I tell you, this charade of corruption is being spread by the Western Nations in order to denigrate our great nation. After all, the same Laloo Yadav who with his ingenuity and 'secular' outlook ensured that buffaloes were being carried on Motor Cycles (actually to initiate the naive to the world of 'corruption', it was detected by the C.B.I during investigations into the fodder scam that a vehicle listed in official records as one carrying buffaloes was actually listed in R.T.O records as a Motorcyle!!!), is being feted by all the Western Management institutes as a Management Guru and no less. Therefore evidently even they have accepted his ingenuity.

It is in this context , it was distessing to note the resignation of the honourable Secy. Gen. of the Indian Hockey Federation , Shri Jotikumaran. As one of these nasty T.V channels guys showed during a sting operation, Jothikumaran (referred to as J.K ,henceforth , since it suits him better) was caught on camera accepting a ' bribe' of Rs. 2.0lakhs (imagine 2.0 lakhs only)for including a player in the Indian hockey team for an upcoming tournament in Malaysia. The balance amount was to be paid subsequently. These T.V guys should be sent to rot in hell, I tell you , or even better ,made to listen to speeches delivered by Shabana Azmi, Arundhati Roy and co. and best of all made to sit through one complete session of Parliament.

Anyway ,the poor J.K (what else he could be, accepting a 'bribe of only 2.0 lakhs) has 'clarified ' that he was under the impression that he was being paid the money in order to conduct a tournament!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Excuse me for all the marks of exclamations above, I fell of the chair LAUGHING.

The ungrateful people all of you are, nobody shares a thought to the pain J. K. was taking to uplift Indian Hockey. Till now did any of the hockey guys gain prominence of this sort. Infact J.K's contribution is at par with Azharuddin's and Manoj Prabhakar's contribution to Indian Cricket, and not a word of appreciation he gets...

J.K along with bottom pincher K.P.S. Gill (another revered breed) have been working tirelessly to promote Indian Hockey for the past 15 years and their achievements have been stupendous. What if we fail to qualify for the Olympics for the first time since 1924 ? What if one of the best coaches/players in world Hockey Ric Charsleworth is deputed by F.I.H ( the International Federation) to help out Indian Hockey and he is not paid fares to accompany the team from his base in Australia for the Olympic qualifier. Hats off to J.K and His boss for standing up for Indian pride. After all we taught the world the nuances of Hockey ( 8 olympic Golds ,no less) and now a firang to teach us Hockey.......We will not tolerate this insult, what even if we fail to qualify. After all did Baron Pierre de Cobertin (father of modern Olympics) not say----"Winning is not everything". What noble Thoughts, which only we Indians can emulate. Curse on the American thought of " Winning is not everything, It is the ONLY THING". I tell you what these Americans ,Russians ,Chinese, Kenyans, Australians, Koreans......... may win all the medals at all events , Humne to Dilon ko Jeeta hai (courtsey Manoj Kumar in the movie Upkaar). At least we have Bhutan for company!

Well anyway back to J.K and his boss, the Super Cop, The duo are firm believers of "change". Change is the elixir of life, after all do we not change our workplace, decor at home , our Girlfriends, our city to take vacation. This Jodi has surpassed us all......................They sacked 9 (yes,nine) players of the Gold medal winning team at the 1998 Asian Games including the coach M.K.Kaushik (the fool spends money from his own pocket to run the preparatory camp, as the Federation does not usually have the money to run it). To top it all: THE PLANE CARRYING THE VICTORIOUS TEAM WAS ENROUTE AND WAS ABOUT TO LAND AT THE NEW DELHI AIRPORT....

Such Brilliance, Don't you agree? After all never let anybody get complacent. And please ,no snide remarks about J.K and his BOSS remining entrenched on their chairs for 15 years. They still need time to ' improve ' our standards!!

The duo provided yeoman service to the social sector too. As is well known (or so I think) Hockey players are provided employment By P.S.U's ,Railways etc. ,provided the player has represented India at International level. If the exposure is at the Olympics, World Cup, Asian games you get a comparative better job (after this is not Cricket we are talking about, are we?). So come an international tournament and we find players we have never heard about finding a place in the team. That these guys never get onto the pitch is a trivial matter and the fact that the team virtually plays with 11 players against 16 opponents is a question only you people opposed to 'social engineering' can raise. This has been going for years together ,but look at the brighter side , at least 5 guys get employed every year based on this social service. So Pray tell me ,is imposing a 'SERVICE TAX' on them as J.K was doing in the darned visual , unjust................You opponents of change raised such a hue and cry when a person (let's not call him a player), Deedar Singh was included in the team for a major tournament. Incidentally, Deedar literally means Appearance , and you nasty people went to town about not getting a Deedar of Deedar throughout the tournament. It was such mean stuff that the poor boy after getting a job on the 'merit' of playing for the country, was so nervous of you nasty people that he literally 'absconded' and J.K had to search the mighty heavens to recover the arrear of the ' SERVICE TAX'.

The contribution of J.K towards Environment deserves a Noble Prize. The man does not believe in taking payments in cheque (trees cut for paper and all such stuff) and takes payment in Cash. Therefore you rumour mongers , please stop the sarcastic remarks about "why did he not accept money in cheque if the idea was to conduct a tournament". The concern was towards Environment only and not as low as you suggest.

I would leave you with a remark passed by an Ex player about the incident " We punish people for killing our national Bird ,national Animal but what do we do with people killing our NATIONAL GAME ?".

You tell me.......................................................

MANORANJAN KA BAAP

Text message received by me yesterday--"I. P.L. does the trick. Inflation down to Zero percent. Happy India?"

This Middle class mentality makes my blood boil. You know The Middle class! The ones who are concerned about these outdated stuff like Inflation, Cost of Living, Terrorism, Farmer's suicide, Reservation in Jobs etc. As you realise they are such selfish people that instead of rejoicing in Manoranjan Ka Baap arriving ( such a beautiful Ad on T.V., it brings tears to my eyes) all they think about is Inflation. Arre Baba please do not disturb me with your pessimistic talk while I watch King Khan (my salutations to him and his six pack abs) dance like a cat on a hot tin roof every time THE KOLKATA KNIGHT RIDERS (the team he owns ) hits a boundary or takes a wicket. What unbridled joy he exhibits, and No! I do not find his antics insulting to players of the calibre of Rahul Dravid, after he belongs to the rival camp (Vijay Mallya , but more about him later). Look at King Khan , he spends millions on buying a team/players ,dancing away to glory whereas he should be the one worrying about inflation and such mundane stuff.

King Khan is on record stating that he will dance at any marriage provided he gets good money and you party poopers are not even grateful for seeing him dance for free.

I could not believe my good fortune (even Dhoni did not) when these great personalities Vijay Mallya, Preity Zinta (what fun to be bought by her) got around 'buying' players . And Adam Gilchrist has the nerve to say that he felt 'like a cow' while being auctioned. That is the problem with these firangs and especially this man Gilchrist .I feel he also belongs to the middle class, the fool used to 'Walk' before the umpire could give him out. Rumour is that he got so tired of waiting for Steve 'Slow Death' Bucknor to give a decision that he decided to "walk'', to save himself from getting hypertension. These people are also not grateful for the fact that these great personalities made payments while buying them whereas in this great country of ours they could have forcibly 'obtained' them (like the Netas do, right from ..... to Aeroplanes. Remember Abdul Wahab and Sadhu Yadav) with the Devi of Justice(the one with blindfolds, sword and Tarazu) being as blind as she appears to be. I at times wonder how she manages the sword with the blindfolds, or on other thoughts maybe that is why she does not use it.

Anyway back to I.P.L . I was not able to sleep last night after I learnt that Vijay Mallya was going to bring over Air Hostesses from Kingfisher Airways (he owns that too.....The airways you idiots )for the next match to let his opponents 'feel the heat'. Boy, What fun! as if if watching those half dressed firang cheerleaders wasn't enough......At times I forgot it was Cricket I was supposed to watch. And all you middle class insinuate is that I could not sleep because of the usual power cut.

I am so Happy that Lalit Modi has been appointed Commissioner for I.P.L (whatever that means). Apparently his childhood desire was to become a Commissioner but since he could not qualify the prelims. for the Civil Services he got this post tailor made for himself (Rumours are that his non qualification was because all the seats were captured by the Middle class). Even I also wanted to become a Commissioner ,as my writings would indicate .....I could not.When I wanted to Tailor make a post I nearly became a Tailor, so you see that is where the similarity ends. And do not ask me what a Commissioner is supposed to do in Cricket since even Mr. Modi does not have an answer.

The Great Rajiv Shukla (holds some post in BCCI, Politician and last but not the least was the best student in Arjun Singh school of Sycophancy) is so cheesed of with Lalit Modi for hogging all the limelight( and Preity Zinta) that he has complained to Madam's office to get his due share. Poor fellow , has not been made a minister,Sharad Pawar is a heavy weight (literally and figuratively ) he cannot remove as BCCI President and now this.......

So many foreign players have been bought by our great personalities and instead of bowing our heads in respect all we do is crib about inflation and stuff. Imagine Ricky Ponting playing the next test match aginst india (will he dare appeal against India with King Khan - his owner in the stands). This is India's entry into the world of capitalism.

The only problem has cropped up between the guys at P.E.T.A And the HUMAN RIGHTS guys. Apparently all the Monkeys have been removed from the vicinity of cities where Andrew Symonds is going to play ,for reasons I am not going to elaborate upon. Now the people at PETA have a unique way of highlighting issues of animal concern (females dress up as animals ,in all their natural glory) and therefore they have the firepower to more than match up with Preity Zinta, Kingfisher girls and the firang cheerleaders. The Human Rights guys have steeped into save Andrew Symonds from Racial harrasment, and an interesting battle is brewing. There are rumours that players whose name begin with the dreaded word 'M' have not been bought to avoid legal complications.Muralidharan , beware,as it is you have enough with your javeline throwing and now this.

By the way did you watch the Ad where Sourav Ganguli picks up a Cricket ball and eats it......what bravery ,as that is the only way to avoid those bouncers and moreover my sources tell me that is what he gets to eat at home after he tried out the message of "Make love not War" with Nagma. His wife also must be so Middle class, you know always thinking about themselves, while a person spreads the message of love so selflessly.

Akshay Kumar is pitching in for Delhi Daredevils and in anger Raj Thackrey( the lion cub) has roped in Ravina Tandon and all of Akshay's innumerable girlfriends to pitch in for the Mumbai Indians (although he calls the team Mumbai Marathas). Even the Big B, Small B and Mrs. Small B have been issued advisories to pitch in for them publicly failing which three stones will be thrown at their house, an article written and Taxi Drivers mercilessly beaten up. The Taxi drivers will anyway run away these two teams meet.

Karunanidhi has advised all Tamilans (including his favourite LTTE) to play for Tamil pride and has already written a poem for it. He has pledged to give up all claims on the Hogennakal water project if his team beats the Bangalore guys ( the Kingfisher ones). God forbid ,if they lose Rajanikant will be forced to go on a hunger strike, Kingfisher airlines with its Airhostesses will not be allowed to land in Chennai ..and this will just be the begining.

As the I.P.L ad says Cricket ka Karmayuddha, but I forgot what Cricket has got to do with this.

Anyway inflation as per newspaper reports is at 7.14% ,down .27% from last week. Thanks to the newspaper guys for letting us know it is down , otherwise......

Let the game.. oops! The Show begin

SAY NO TO APPEASEMENT

APPEASEMENT"--Calming, Reconciling, Acquiring Peace by way of concessions or gifts.

The word became a part of foreign policy lexicon because of Neville Chamberlain's policy towards Hitler's Third Reich during the Years 1937 -1939.Hitler was threatening Czechoslovakia to part with Sudentland apparently because the German speaking population was in majority in the province. The real reasons lay in the minerals and other natural resources the province possessed. France under a pact should have come to the aid of the Czechs. However instead of standing up to Hitler both the French and the British panicked. The Czechs were given the option of either yielding to Hitler or facing the might of the mighty German army ....alone! Under the terms of the Munich agreement between BRITAIN, FRANCE,GERMANY AND ITALY, Sudentland was handed over to Germany.The supreme irony of it all was that the Czechs were not even invited to the Munich conference. Chamberlain on his return from Munich was treated like a Hero and in a speech made famous for its supreme appeasement said " My good friends ,for the second time in our History , a British P.M has returned from Germany bringing peace with Honour. I believe it is PEACE FOR OUR TIME." A few months later Germany and Britain were at WAR.World War II had begun.

1947.....India had attained Independence. A war had been fought over Kashmir and territory obtained at great cost. Kashmir has immense Strategic value due to its Geography and topography. The Indian state instead of assimilating it into the mainstream of the country introduce Article 370 to appease Shaikh Abdullah. The consequences: Indians cannot buy land in the state ,Kashmiri females marrying Non Kashmiris Lose all their property rights, their Chief Minister for a very long time was reffered to as SADR-E-RIYASAT (Prime Minister). Thousands of young Indian soldiers have lost their lives in order to stop Kashmir from breaking away.

CIRCA 1987, the case of an old Muslim lady comes up before the Supreme court. The court in its wisdom applies section 125 of the Criminal Procedure Code instead of the Muslim Personal law (yes, personal law is applied to cases of marriages, gifts etc. and there is no common procedure code for these cases) and grants her alimony. The then P.M Rajiv Gandhi defends the decision and Arif Mohd Khan makes a spirited defense. As fundamentalists get active Rajiv Gandhi backs down and a Law is brought in place to negate the ruling of the court. Fundamentalists win and Arif Mohd Khan who has been viciously betrayed by his P.M ,Resigns. The name of the old Muslim lady SHAH BANO.

1989: INDIA becomes the first country to ban THE SATANIC VERSES written by Salman Rushdie. The fundamentalists who were opposing the book admitted that they had not even read the book, but they knew anyhow! The Indian state has a habit of yielding to the bully.

Cut to the present and the singularly happy news of the torch relay for the Olympics passing of peacefully in New Delhi. Singularly happy because all the Govt. offices in the vicinity of the route were shut down from 1:00P.M to 6:oo P.M , ostensibly to provide security to the torch. Knowing how most of the Govt. offices work in the country where empolyees and officers do not venture into the office before 11:00 A.M , I believe you get my point. As per reports the elite N.S.G formed the second layer of security cordon after the first layer of Chinese commandoes. We have reached a depth where we allow foreign security agencies to take over our system. The Chinese should have been reminded that the torch belonged to the International Community (remember Aamir Khan) and was not Chinese and therefore securing it was our responsibility. But then appeasing China has been a policy of the Indian state since our Independence inspite of 1962's betrayal, the open Chinese support for the clandestine Pak missile programme, the open Chinese claim over Arunachal Pradesh ......the list is endless. We appeased China by betraying Tibet in 1950 and today one of the most religious site for the Hindus the Kailash Mansarovar lies in Chinese occupation and Indians need permit to visit the place. Any country with a semblance of national interest would have agreed that a Free Tibet was Best guarantee for Indian borders but then don't we know that the Indian state believes in appeasement of all ! Nation be damned!

I keep referring to the Indian steate as an Indian trait is to blame individuals for failure and apportion victory among all, whereas all of us as citizens of a democracy are equally responsible for the policies being adopted to run the country. After all does a policy of appeasement not affect us adversely as individuals. I appreciate R. K. LAXMAN's common man for his keen observation but his silence has to be replaced by a Speech , a speech so powerful that the World takes notice. We Indians are the successors of Arjuna ,the twang of whose bow GANDIVA use to terrify the enemies and bow them to submission.

We Indians have to prove Gunthar Myrdal's assertion of India being a "soft state" incorrect (albeit it was Economics he was referring to). The appeasement of sections, is not helping the country. Fundamentalists are having a free run, a country which refers to ATITHI DEVO BHAVA (Guest is God) has forced Taslima Nasrin to run away, is on the verge of betraying the Dalai Lama, a neighbour who is itself dependent on a superpower for its needs dreams of bleeding us to death through " A THOUSAND CUTS" (ISI's policy of dividing India). Even Bangladesh , which owes its Indepedence to us can have the audacity to kill B.S.F personnel and parade them around like animals (wonder whether PETA would allow that also).

The common man of the country has to raise his voice and as Swami Vivekanand said "Arise, Awake and stop not before your Goal is reached."

"AN APPEASER IS ONE WHO FEEDS A CROCODILE HOPING IT WILL EAT HIM LAST" ---WINSTON CHURCHILL.
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CITY OF LIGHTS

Mark Twain had said : "Benaras is older than history, older than tradition, older even than legend and looks twice as old as all of them put together."

I should have read this Quote before shifting to this place.But the fool that i am I instead believed in Diana Eleck's work:"Varanasi The City of Lights",a misnomer if there was one.Believe me ,I Have nothing against the book which is a brilliant piece of work on the city.It was my fault that I misunderstood 'lights' to be associated with electricity,you know the one which lights up our household,streets,which enables children to study,makes people have a comfortable sleep,ensures that you have a proper wash in the morningand does innumerable other things which they take for granted.Perhaps of all the inventions Tomas Alva Edison made ,he perhaps remain most famous for discovering BULB.

I should have known better! Diana Eleck reffered to the spiritual matter( you know the one associated with brain,gibberish talk,philosophy.....the WORKS) while reffering to 'LIGHTS'.This is what I hate about these foreigners.They never let you know the complete truth.The EAST INDIA COMPANY apparently came to trade,British left India 10 months before the declared date.....the list is endless.Well no point in cribbing about the lying foreigners.I have landed up in this ancient city and within four years have started feeling ancient.

I did not have the faintest idea that in order to promote tourism the way those lying westerners do,Govt. of U.P in association with the Govt. of India had devised a plan to preserve the tag of the ancient city following in the footsteps of VENICE ,STRATFORD AT AVON etc.The brilliant plan is to make the entire 31 lakh inhabitants of the city live the exact way there forefathers did thousands of years ago..........IN DARKNESS (not the spiritual one,though I am not sure of that one too). WHAT BRILLIANCE!Though very hard to believe but fact remains that the city on an average gets 12 hours of electricity and that too in phases come rain ,summer or winter.Spiritually WEAK people (like me) roam around the city at odd hours in the night,fight with each other,do nothing except curse each other(I must accept that this place has enriched my vocabulary).Exactly the way the city lived thousands of years ago.Crime is perhaps the highest in the country,Policemen on duty look worse than rogues.

But the plan devised by the Govt. is suceeding as stats indicate that out of 100 foreign tourists visiting India 94 visit Benaras (Agra is tops at 96).GOA take a walk!And come to think of it we never give credit to the Govt for it.......Who but the most brilliant of minds could have devised such a plan.It is on par with the COMMUNIST plan in Russia where they made obtaining Bread so hard that the common man could think of nothing else but standing in gargantuan lines to procure their daily bread.Out here the common man does not think of studies,cultural enrichment and anything near to civilisation.Well isn't that the idea-Retaining the city in its ancient state.

Futhermore this brilliant idea helps the Politicians even more -A thinking person is like AIDS for a politician.They will divide a society on caste ,religion,ethnicity,gender and if you still have any power remaining deprive you of LightS(not the Diana Eleck one).They will ensure that the children are not educated,adults remain irritated,fatigued(that happens when you do not sleep in the night) and the capable migrate letting these messiahs of the downtrodden run amok.Even communism had to deliver bread and where thrown out, but hopes are receding for this state and this city in particular.

The Lights have come back and I am running to fill water for drinking,Blog and my ideas be DAMNED..................

Thoughts on Reservation

So finally the SUPREME COURT OF INDIA has upheld the decision of the MHRD to introduce reservation for OBC in higher education .Since the issue has direct implications for the 'VOTE BANK' politics it has met with an enthusiastic response from across the political spectrum.The decision has been hailed as 'historic' by nearly all the political parties.The total percentage of Reservation in the educational institutions stands at 49.5 and that too is not because of any sense of fairplay but due to the restrictions introduced by an earlier decision of SUPREME COURT which restricts the percentage to be kept under 50%.

Without going into the merits and demerits of Reservation,the oppression faced by the people due to the oppressive caste system etc. which have been endlessly debated,there are a few observations which require attention:

1. The Reservation policy in employment was initially introduced for the SC/ST at the time of acceptance of CONSTITUTION for a period of 10years and was to be subsequently reviewed.Since Dr B.R.AMBEDKAR was Chairman of the commitee which drafted the CONSTITUTION and which included many other stalwarts(the word had a truer meaning in those days),it can be presumed that the period of 10 years was debated and arrived upon giving everybody a fair chance.The "oppresed" were given a time frame during which an entire generation could uplift itself and the Government could create conducive conditions making the requirement of extension infructuous.

The truth in this matter needs no elaboration.I wonder whether there is even a single shred of paper where the matter was rationally discussed susequently.Any voice of sanity is suppressed by shrill cries of "being anti poor"," carrying the legacy of the oppressor".Incidentally data indicates that susequent to introduction of the policy of reservation not a single caste has moved out if its ambit and hundreds more have infact been included for its benefit.Talk of reservation emancipating the 'backwards'.Hundreds more are clamouring to get under its umbrella, the riots in RAJASTHAN between the Gujjars and Meenas are a case in study.We might be the only country in the World where people fall over backwards to get themselves called "BACKWARD".And come to think of it we pride ourselves on being a developed nation.

2 The minority educational institutions (fully funded by the Govt. offcourse) have been exempted under this policy to increase reservation.The subtle hints are that caste is something preached and practised by the Hindus only.However only a few days back a news item appeared where the Govt. wanted to provide the benefits of reservation to Dalit Christians and dalit Muslims.So the inference is that a Dalit Christian can claim benefit of Reservation everywhere else except Christian minority educational instituion.The Hypocricy and the fraud being played out is amazing.

3Dr AMBUMANI RAMADOSS availed the benefit of being an SC candidate in becoming a Doctor.Nothing wrong in it ,except that his father was a sitting RAJYA SABHA M.P. at the time.Not surprisingly he has vehemently opposed the part of the SUPREME COURT decision regarding exclusion of 'creamy layer' from availing the benefit.So brace yourself for a constitutional amendment in this regard.

The time to raise our voice and save the country is now.Are we ready.......................