THE GREAT GAME II--AAP KAUN?

“ AAP KAUN?”, this coming from the sports minister,M.S.Gill must have shocked Pullela Gopichand ,when he accompanied the Badminton prodigy, Saina Nehwal ,for an audience with the sports minister, after the Olympics. For the uninitiated , Pullela Gopichand is only the second Indian after the great Prakash Padukone to win the All England Championship, which is the biggest tournament (even bigger than the Olympics), in the sport of Badminton, in the year 2001.
The affable Gopichand ,who has taken up coaching subsequent to his quitting the game , and is now the national coach, then introduced himself , to which the minister , as is their wont , immediately responded that he had been a keen follower of Gopi’s career . Indeed Mr. Minister, the keenness shows! I would not be surprised if the audience to Saina was given under the impression of Sania Mirza . The minister must have been disappointed .
Anyway , this failure of recognition serves Gopichand right. Just after winning the All England Championship, he was offered a big contract to endorse a Soft Drink MNC. The idealistic guy turned down the offer because he could not propagate the use of Carbonated Drinks , because of their adverse effect on health. Which world does this guy live in !! Look at the cricketers and their endorsements . At times it appears that they do not drink water, but only these carbonated drinks . But at least the sports minister would recognize them instantly. Imagine the headlines if, say , the minister failed to recognize Sachin. “ NATIONAL SHAME” ………….
But at least we must appreciate the Govt . for nominating M.S.Gill, as the sports minister . With all the sports federations in India being headed by politicians , it is appropriate that a former Chief Election Commissioner is made the sports minister . You never know when his experience might be called into play . Sharad Pawar, V.K.Malhotra, Yashwant Sinha, Abhay Singh Chautala, Priya Ranjan Das Munshi , …it is a veritable Who’s Who of Indian politics , who head the various federations . And please do not bother about their sporting qualifications. Let the Chinese bother about such trivial issues, for it is they who have to head the medals tally and such competitive stuff. We Indians are strict followers of the words of the founder of modern day Olympics, Baron Pierre de Coubertin , who said , “ It is competing which matters, not Winning.” We scrupulously adhere to the Baron’s assertion.
Well, the Olympics are over, at least for us Indians , and some of the Indians (ungrateful lot , no respect for elders), have defied the Indian norms and not only competed , but also won medals . Some others, also fought tenaciously and were glorious in defeat . Others well … at least they respect the norms and conventions. Glory be to them.
In the meanwhile , Adam Gilchrist has called for inclusion of 20/20 Cricket , in the Olympics. The same has also been echoed by some other Cricketers. The Indians are not too keen, at least till Ajanta Mendis is playing for Sri Lanka . You don’t want to go to the Olympics and be made to look like fools, do you?
But look at some of the recent inclusions in the Olympics, Trampoline , Baseball , Mountain biking, BMX biking, etc. Evidently, some countries who are assured of medals in these sports , ensured the entry of these sports into the games.
Now let us discuss some sports which although very uncommon would ensure victory for India , for we Indians specialize in them . I personally would prefer Ludo, some of my friends want the inclusion of Chinese Checkers ( I am sure the Chinese would beat us at that ) . One went to the extent of including sleeping at work, for it is his expertise . But we should not be selfish and talk about sports which ensure a Pucca Gold medal for us.
So here goes :
MUSICAL CHAIRS :
No, I am not talking about the game which is played at office get togethers, or school sports day ( now you know why we do not win anything at the Olympics), but the game for chairs we Indians play in our offices , elected offices and stuff . The way we cling onto our chairs is exemplary. We pass the sell by date, but the way we degrade our self for the sake of chair is unmatched. Chamchagiri , is definitely an Indian invention .
Look at the musical chair being played out in the state of Jharkhand. A few months ago Madhu Koda , was appointed the Chief Minister , by toppling the elected government . The specialty of Madhu Koda lay in the fact that he was an Independent legislator, and therefore no supporting party was wary of him getting too big for his boots . Koda was supported by JMM of the great Shibu Soren , Congress (I) , RJD of Laloo Yadav fame , and other independent legislators.
Things went on smoothly for a few months , the naxalites kept on killing people , but at least the govt. did not fall . That is what matters, finally!
But then came the trust vote at the Centre . The five JMM M.P’s supported the govt , which was saved by the skin of its teeth . Everybody was waiting for the catch , for Soren ( also known as Guruji ) , is not exactly known for providing anybody a free dinner . Now the cat is out of the bag . Guruji , says that he had bargained for the C.M’s chair , while supporting the govt. at the centre , and he now wants it . Funny , isn’t it , the chair is up for grabs , you only need the correct strength to acquire it , it is a commodity like say a toy in the shop. Guruji , wants it and he must have it , or else…………Democracy be damned.
Koda exhibited bravado, initially , and refused to give way , but then a bargain is a bargain ( We still have morals left ) , and Koda is on the way out . Guruji is placated , and Koda , well , a bargain is a bargain , isn’t it , how about a ministerial berth at the centre or any other similar goody.
You see, we are the largest democracy in the world , and in our version of musical chair , nobody looses .
This musical chair is played out across the political spectrum , remember BJP –Mayawati pact , Laaloo replacing himself with his wife. The list is endless , but the truth remains that we are unbeatable at this sport .
One Gold assured.

CRAB DRAG CRAB:
It is a unique Indian sport . Just like crabs we do nothing ourselves , but the moment one of us tries to break out of the mould , the rest gang up together and try to drag him down . We criticize the person, demonise him , demoralize him , in order to ensure that the person does not surge ahead, while we languish behind. It happens among couples , at the workplace , in the sports ground, in schools , colleges , and just about every activity .
Look at the way Mahesh Bhupathi and Leander Paes fought each other rather than with each other, and ensured their defeat . The idea is simple , I will not mind losing , as long as my partner also loses .
Sample the events in Singur for further details . The manner in which the TATA group is being harassed, corroborates this mentality . Thousands would have been provided employment , with further thousands earning employment through the ancillary units , which would have come up in the vicinity of the factory producing the much awaited NANO car . The ruckus created by Mamta Banerjee , has all but ensured that the TATA’s would move out of Singur, sooner rather than later . Whatever the declared goals of Mamta Banerjee, the concern for the common man is the least of it . The Communist parties , who are the progenitors of this crab mentality , are for a change , at the receiving end . But then that is no solace for the TATA’s or the common people of Singur. And to think thank that the TATA group is known for its concern for the rural poor, unlike some of the other industrial giants .Interestingly,Amar Singh , a lackey for one such industrial group , is sitting alongside Mamta ,on dharna , in Singur. Does this give you an indication about the real crabs in the story.
Speaking of sporting events , the shameful episode of Monika Devi , bears no recapitulation . But since we are pressing for inclusion of this sport of crab drag crab, into the Olympics , the case needs to be buttressed .
Monika Devi, was reported to have tested positive for a banned substance ,on the eve of proceeding to Beijing , for the Olympics , to participate in the Weightlifting event . That the SAI (Sports Authority of India) lab., where her sample was tested was not a WADA(Word Anti Doping Agency) accredited lab was nobody’s concern , as was the fact that nobody knew of the banned substance , she had allegedly tested positive for . She was however stopped from proceeding to Beijing.
But not for nothing is Monika a weightlifter . She created a ruckus in the SAI office , and the issue soon became political with the Manipur govt (Monika’s home state ) joining in . She was soon absolved of the charges, and apparently the second sample tested negative . It would have been a good joke, if it was not so pathetic . If we go back in time , a couple of months , you realize , that the same Monika had been dropped from the Beijing team in favour of another lifter Shailja Pujari, compared to whom Monika, for all practical purposes had performed better. Monika had spoken out against this injustice , and another trial was held hurriedly , where ,not surprisingly , Monika got selected . Interestingly, Shailaja had been banned for use of performance enhancing drugs after the Manchester Commonwealth games , a few years back.
But we Indians , have long memories , which is a deadly concoction with this crab mentality . Obviously, some official was waiting for an opportune moment, and played his cards adroitly. The fact that the reporting time for the Games was over , by the time Monika was absolved ,was just the icing on the cake . That the country was not represented in Weightlifting, and the shame the incident brought is, well……………………..
The response of our “keenly followed your career” sports minister ; He brought in a fellow retired election commissioner, Krishnamurthy , to enquire into the matter , and submit his report in a week .
A WEEK!!! It has only been a fortnight, and please do not get so prickly about time, which is an infinite thing, in the Indian context . In the meanwhile, the Manipur C.M, will be involved in the musical chair game.
The best thing about the crab drag crab , is that it can be played adroitly by any ordinary Indian , and is not a specialty of the bureaucrats and politicians.

‘SECULAR-SECULAR’
Even before the event has been included in the Olympics, the team has been selected , and the selected players are Mulayam Singh Yadav, Laaloo Yadav and Ram Bilas Paswan . Although , the competition for this event was very stiff , the selectors were people of repute, and who are an authority on this subject , so there is no heart burning among the left out contenders .
Without any further ado, let me introduce the selection panel before you. The selectors were Ms. Shabana ( no body sold me a house,because I’m a Muslim) Aazmi , and Ms. Arundhati ( Aazadi for Kashmir) Roy .
The competition for the ‘secular-secular’ , team was very stiff , but what clinched the vote in the favour of the three was the recent statements in favour of the proscribed organization SIMI. The ideology of SIMI is unambiguous: ‘Establishment of Islamic Rule in India’. SIMI has been behind the spread of internal terror in India , and provide the ‘sleeper cells’ for the external organizations. You certainly need no intelligence reports for this piece of intelligence.
The recent arrest of one Bashir , said to be the kingpin behind the blats in the country , brought out the best in these three individuals . “ This is prejudice”, “We will hit the streets against this victimization”, “Bashir is innocent , and is being harassed”, “Lift the ban against SIMI”, are just a few of the samples of their expertise in this game .
The Shahi Imam of Jama Masjid , ( the govt. nominee on the selection panel) has also spoken on similar lines, “ We will protest against this arrest, Muslims are being victimized on the basis of their religion,” he thundered in Azamgarh , the home district of the arrested individual in Uttar Pradesh. I dare not question the reason for this religious personality to leave his religious duties in New Delhi and come to this far off district, to ‘protest’ against the arrest of one individual. Is there something more that what meets the eye?
One of the selected players, Ram Bilas Paswan, campaigned during the last assembly elections in Bihar, with an Osama bin Laden look-alike . The love Osama and his fellow cohorts have for India , needs no further elaboration .With a track record like this , you hardly need to face a selection panel , but better to face one , for the sake of parity , rather than facing charges of nepotism ,later on . Not that these worthies are bothered, but why give others an opportunity!
Since we cannot compete in say Volleyball, Basketball,Swimming,etc. with the rest of the World, I believe that these three sports, if included in the Olympics , would give us the best opportunity for medals . China, here we come …
CITIUS , ALTIUS , FORTIUS.