JAI HO- THE PREQUEL

Following the astonishing success of the movie ‘Slumdog Millionaire’ at the Oscars, Danny Boyle has decided to make a sequel to the movie, which however should be referred to as a prequel to the ‘Slumdog Millionaire’ since it narrates the story of how the slum in Mumbai, which incidentally is the star of the movie, came into existence.

Since the post has been able to obtain the story of the proposed movie, by means we would not like to disclose, we would like to share it with the readers of the post. This way we get saved from watching the movie once it gets released and therefore do not contribute to making Danny Boyle a Millionaire at the expense of a poor India.

Clever! Isn’t it?

The story starts in the year 1757, and the battle of Plassey between nawab Siraj-ud-Daulah and the forces of the East India Company led by Robert Clive.

The British win, as they have applied the time tested formula against the Indians- the formula of stoking the greed of an opponent of the King, who back stabs the king at the crucial moment. Do the name of King Ambhi, Jaichand, Mir Jaffar ring a bell?

What follows is an open plunder of the resources of Bengal.

Robert Clive, who came to India in 1744, at the age of 18, as a ‘writer’ in the East India Company, went back to England in 1760, with a fortune of at least £300,000 and the quit-rent of £27,000 a year. He infact gave his commanding officer in his formative years a stipend of £500 a year for the rest of his life.

Remember we are talking about 1760 A.D!!

Before we begin to wonder what a ‘writer’ was supposed to mean, let me clarify that a ‘writer’ was how a clerk was designated in the East India Company. And no friends, we will not be raising the issue of the contrast of his pay and the disproportionate wealth, since we are narrating the story of a movie and not a documentary.

Anyway life was proceeding smoothly for the English rulers till the battle of Buxar in 1764. Not that it did not proceed smoothly after Buxar, but a war is a war, after all!

The English, glory be to them, won again.

Before 1764, zamindars in Bengal, Bihar & Orissa had been functionaries who merely held the right to collect revenue on behalf of the Mughal emperor and his representative or diwan in Bengal, who in turn would supervise their activity closely and ensure that they were neither lax nor overly stringent.

However, the East India Company, on being awarded the diwani or overlordship of Bengal by the empire following the Battle of Buxar in 1764, found itself short of trained administrators, especially those familiar with local custom and law. As a result, landholders found themselves unsupervised or reporting to officials; consequently the extraction of revenue proceeded unchecked without any regard for future income or local welfare.

The result was that the rulers became detached with the ruled and the intermediaries fattened their bank balance at the expense of the ruler and the ruled. In order to make up for the loss of revenue, the British or the East India Company introduced the Permanent settlement act.

The Permanent settlement act envisaged that the land tax was fixed for perpetuity, irrespective of the vagaries of nature, on which the Indian agriculture was based. So come Rain, famine or high hell, the land holder and the zamindar had to pay the fixed tax. By ensuring that lands were held in perpetuity and with a fixed tax burden, they became a very desirable commodity.

The payment of a fixed tax inspite of the yield from the fields resulted in many zamindars immediately falling into arrears.You could not collect taxes when the flood had washed away everything, could you?

The Company's policy of auction of any zamindari lands deemed to be in arrears created a market for land which previously did not exist. Many of the new purchasers of this land were Indian officials within the East India Company's government. These bureaucrats were ideally placed to purchase lands which they knew to be underassessed, and therefore profitable. In addition their position as officials gave them opportunity to quickly acquire the wealth necessary to purchase land through bribery and corruption. They could also manipulate the system to bring to sale land that they specifically wanted.

Therefore, the Indian farmer who till then produced enough to feed the country and his family, since land was religion and not a commodity, started looking towards avenues other than agriculture. Even the zamindars who had been attached with their lands, started their drift towards other sources of income.

In short, the agricultural land had now become a commodity.

The seed of the Indian slum had been laid.

Slowly but steadily the East India Company spread its tentacles all over the country. Farmers in Bengal were forced to sow Indigo, which although commercially viable for the British industry had no value for the Indian farmer. Untold misery was unleashed on the poor farmer, who was made to work under bondage and forced labour. The cultivation of Indigo ensured that the land was now unfit for any other cultivation.

The farmer who was the backbone of the Indian economy was now under enormous debt. People were looking towards the cities, since at least there could work as menial labors as there was nobody who could recognize them. The question of status and family pride could not be ignored in a status conscious socierty as India.

The coming of industrialization ensured that India from a producer economy, got converted into a supplier economy. Indian cotton fabric, which was renowned for its texture and handwork was surpassed by British machine made goods, which were mass produced and therefore extremely cheap. The British further did not provide a level playing field as unjust duties were introduced on Indian textile articles entering Britain while the British machine made goods were exempted from any duty in India.

The term 'unfair trade practices' was unknown in those days.

The sun was setting for the Indian cotton Industry.

The slums were filling up.

Danny Boyle gets lots of slum shots at this stage. Lots of poor, undernourished children and malnutrition parents.

The Indian economy was reducing the slums in London, and the slums in Mumbai …….well!!!

Dadabhai Naoroji, the great freedom fighter who made the first economic treastise on this drain of Indian money, summed it up presciently, “the English were like the sponge who sucked up the Ganges and let it off on the Thames.”


Wonder whether Danny Boyle knows about Dadabhai Naoroji? But anyway, since this not a documentary, why bother!


Then came the two World wars.

India which never had an option was dragged into a war which was fought far away from its lands and being fought for Imperial purposes. But subservient people don’t have a voice do they?

Men and material were drained away for the purpose of fighting this war. Good that nobody has made a study on the material drain in these two wars, otherwise we might have to traverse the path of documentary.

Kashmir was left as a last act of vengeance by the deceit (or intelligence, depends on your choice, movie or documentary) of the British. An act which keeps two neighbours at the throat of each other and diverts resources which could have stopped further slums from prospering.

Finally the story comes to its climax.

The interplay of greedy politicians, indifferent citizens, insensitive bureaucracy, ensures in the climax of the report of the United Nations World Food Programme in 2009, which states that 230 million people in India are undernourished, malnutrition accounts for nearly 50% of child deaths in India.

The report places India at the 94th place in the Global Hunger Index amongst 119 countries. It further informs that 43% of children (under 5 years) in the country are underweight. The figure is much higher than the global average of 25% and even higher than the sub-Saharan figure of 28%. More than 70% of the children (under 5 years) suffer from anemia.

Imagine the close up shots of under nourished children, their face emaciated, eyes sunk in holes and the standing ovations at the Kodak theatre and the number of Oscars.

The best part for this movie will obviously be the acclaim it receives from the media and the movie stars who starve for six months to get a ‘zero figure’. Unlucky people, these stars I tell you. Imagine starving for six months to get a 'zero figure' whereas a vast majority attains it as a matter of routine(facts above, in case of disbelief)

Slum dog India sells, and sells hot.

And no, we will not tell anybody that Danny Boyle is as British as the East India Company or Robert Clive, since this is not the story of a documentary film where you discuss the origin of a problem, but the story of a commercial film where you simply sell what is being demanded by the audience. Here the story of a sex worker is sold as a voyeuristic thriller.

JAI HO

JAI HO

Congratulations to A.R.Rahman for being nominated to the Oscars after winning numerous international awards for his song JAI HO, from the movie Slum dog Millionaire. That Rahman has innumerable previous songs which are far superior in comparison but did not receive international recognition is besides the point.

JAI HO, Pramod Muthalik and his brave Sri Ram Sene who with their act of chivalry in Mangalore have brought glory to the nation and its culture. This epitomizes everything they claim to represent. They have atleast exposed the farce of women getting respect in this country, where thousands of women face lewd remarks and gestures, sexual harassment, once they leave their home or even at their home. Muthalik’s claim to forcibly marry off couples caught together on the Valentine’s day has ensured that the 14th of February has surpassed the Republic day and the Independence day in terms of preventive security measures. Atleast we can expect to remain safe from terrorist attacks , bomb explosions and stuff on that day, with unprecedented security measures in place. This bunch of goons has also exposed the farce which goes on in the name of governance in this country. Remember MNS and Raj Thackrey! If our government cannot tackle these louts, how do we expect them to save us? JAI HO…….

JAI HO, to the Pink Chaddi campaign, which has been started by some netizens, as they call themselves, to oppose the Sri Ram Sene and its plans to disrupt the great Valentine’s day celebrations. The campaign which apparently is drawing huge response from the netizens, especially the females(how do you know? Well beats me!) calls for the females (or males) to buy pink chaddis at dirt cheap prices and send them to the Sri Ram Sene office and flood the pubs on the Valentine’s day. The idea ostensibly is to spread love. My sources tell me that what of Sri Ram Sene louts, all the great love seeking louts (also known as eve teasers) in the country are out on the streets today, asking the school-college going girls and the office going women or even the women buying vegetables, for the pink….you know what! Great idea netizens, this chaddi bit, especially as it is done from the safety and anonymity of the internet. Let those who go out, face the music. This will definitely go a long way in the emancipation of women in this country. And please do not bother about female foeticide, bride burning, child marriage, high female dropout level in the schools, rapes, harassment at the workplace. Let us ask this harassed lot to spread the pink chaddi campaign whenever some criminal assaults them or take him to a pub and voila the problems will vanish. What an Idea Sirji! as an ad line goes. JAI HO…….

JAI HO, the card companies and some music companies who along with people like Muthalik and the Pink chaddi campaigners have ensured that a non descript event like the Valentine’s day has become a day surpassing the Independence day or the birthday of Mahatma Gandhi in importance. Business like politics, makes for strange partners. At times it appears that we Indians were bereft of love before the arrival of St. Valentine’s day, looking at the manner it is promoted. That the divorce rates have been rising dramatically with the advent of such festivals of love is a trivial for which no social scientist need bother. JAI HO……..

JAI HO, Renuka Chowdhury, the minister for Women and Child development for nearly getting the Karnataka govt. dismissed after the Mangalore incident. That the state govt. belonged to an opposition party is … well… besides the point. What of the fact that only a couple of months ago two girls were burnt in an acid attack in Gulbarga in her home state of Andhra Pradesh, by a jilted lover. One of them later passed away. But then A.P is ruled by her party. So the mute button on madam minister. We cannot blame her for politicizing such issues as they are taking place all over the country without any punishment being meted out to the culprits. Her agenda is to pressurise the opposition govts. and not to improve the safety of the women. That is the job of the Home Minister, you see! And no suggestions asking her to concentrate on any programme to ensure that female dropouts in school are brought down, female child is not killed in the womb itself. Well she is a minister and does not have the time for such unglamourous stuff! No publicity, you see!! JAI HO……..

JAI HO, the women ‘activists’ in the country for the manner in which they take up female issues in the country and talk of the moral brigade (especially the saffron kind), but never ….never talk about Asiya Andrabi and her organization the Dukhtaran-e-Millat (Daughters of the nation) in Jammu and Kashmir, which calls for implementation of strict sharia laws, compulsory wearing of the veil(burqa), support polygamy, prohibit women from visiting beauty parlours because God has created everybody as he wanted them to be, throw acids on anybody defying their edicts. Sample one of Andrabi’s famous assertions- “I would be more than glad to share my house with other wives of Qasim (her husband)”.

Andrabi is even more categorical on national issues, sample another one of her sayings, “I don't believe in Kashmiriyat, I don't believe in nationalism. I believe there are two nations - Muslims and non-Muslims.”

A.K. Hangal summed it up nicely in the movie Sholay, “Yeh itna sannata kyon hai bhai” (Why this silence?) But then Hangal did not know Andrabi, did he? The women activists press their mute button whenever somebody mentions Andrabi, but then getting burnt by acid is also extremely painful. JAI HO……...

JAI HO, Police Commissioner of Hyderabad, who even after Ramalinga Raju of Satyam infamy, owned up to the massive fraud to the tune of Rs.7000/- crores, at a press conference, refused to move in and arrest him for three days after the admission of guilt, ostensibly because “nobody had lodged a complaint against him.” That a few days after his arrest, the public prosecutor prayed before the court to extend Raju’s custody because “he was making vital documents disappear even after his arrest, and therefore it would be detrimental to let him out on the bail”, tells the whole story. JAI HO………..

JAI HO, to the rulers of the day for ensuring that Navin Chawla will become the next election commissioner of the country after the superannuation of N.Gopalaswami. Whatever the technical merits or otherwise of the recommendation of the CEC, N.Gopalaswami under section 324 (5) of the Constitution and the legal interpretation of the word ‘Recommendation’ in the said section of the constitution, qudos should go to the law minister H.R.Bharadwaj for calling the present CEC ‘petty’ and further letting the cat out of the bag by stating that Gopalaswami had ‘spoilt his retirement’. This my friend remains the eternal truth, that a bureaucrat if per chance raises his voice against the system ‘spoils his retirement’ meaning thereby he cannot become a Rajya Sabha M.P, an ambassador or even a governor after his retirement. Look at M.S.Gill the ex CEC who did not spoil his retirement and has been blessed by being appointed the sports minister in the present disposition.

Please also sample the fact that no effort has been made to obtain a presidential reference on the constitutional legality of the recommendation of the CEC from the Supreme Court. The presidential reference is one of the powers of the president by which an opinion can be obtained from the Supreme Court in case of an issue of constitutional propriety.

Let us also doff our caps at the track record of the person who will be our next CEC and thereby conduct the next general election---

Navin Chawla was secretary to the Lieutenant Governor of Delhi during the period of emergency (1975-77), and famously remarked, “Let them roast under the asbestos sheets”, when the Supdt. of the Tihar jail objected to the overcrowding of the Tihar jail with political prisoners against all norms of jails. The Shah Commission, which inquired into the excesses during the Emergency, indicted Mr Chawla for having been 'authoritarian and callous' and for gross misuse of power "in cynical disregard of the welfare of citizens". Further, it declared that he was "unfit to hold any public office which demands an attitude of fair play and consideration for others".

The story does not end at this, the Election Commissioner and his wife Rupika ran the Jaipur-based Lala Chaman Lal Education Trust which had secured MPLADS funds from Congress MPs — A.A. Khan, R.P. Goenka, Ambika Soni, Dr Karan Singh and Mr A.R. Kidwai. He accepted funds for private trusts. The trust was allotted six acres of land by the Congress government in Rajasthan when Mr Ashok Gehlot was the Chief Minister in his previous terms. Need we say more, except that Indian democracy is in safe and impartial hands, JAI HO……….

JAI HO, to our law enforcing agencies, for the manner in which they permit lumpen elements like Pramod Muthalik, Raj Thackrey and their ilk run amok and for the manner in which they harass the innocent, defenceless people under any pretext, while at the same time acting servile before the criminals. When they cannot stop Muthalik how do we expect them to face Ajmal Aamir Kasab? But the inside story is that they want the common people to be self sufficient and defend themselves rather than look in askance towards others. JAI HO……..

JAI HO, to Danny Boyle and the Slum dog Millionaire for showing that Indian poverty sells massively in the West and that we Indians go ga ga over anything accepted by the firangs. Not one western movie maker encapsulates anything which is positive in India. For them we remain the land of snake charmers and the magical fakirs, and we remain too happy to oblige. It is fascinating to watch these movie makers rake in billions by selling our poverty and penury. After all, apparently, there are no homeless and naked in New York or London, no beggars, no criminals. Maybe Anil Kapoor will make a fictional movie on the poverty and crime in the ghettos of New York, after he stops counting his billions and the grin on his face while marketing all that is naked about India, subsides. JAI HO……….

And last but not the least, JAI HO, to the common people in this nation, who remain indifferent to our rivers being polluted, our water bodies disappearing by the magicians also known as the real estate developers, our forest vanishing, the corruption which like a demon has engulfed all facets of our lives, the religious fundamentalism, the neglect of primary education, healthcare and the connivance of our leaders and the bureaucrats in making this happen. But the news channels talk of the threat from outside, don’t they???? And we switch off our TV sets and go off to sleep completely oblivious to everything around us, completely immune to the misery, the pain, the lawlessness,the exploitation. JAI HO…………

JAI HO…………

MAYA KI MAYA

AN OPEN LETTER TO MAYAWATI

Respected Behenji,

Namaskar,

Please allow me to introduce myself to you. I am ardent follower of yours and therefore read with great satisfaction the news that M 50 machine guns have been procured for your security personnel in order to protect you. It is a great achievement, for these machine guns are only in the arsenal of the Special Protection Group which protects the President, P.M , ex P.M’s , families of P.M’s and Robert Vadra. I have been getting sleepless nights ever since I heard that only 350 security personnel apart from 100 odd NSG commandos have been assigned to protect your kindself. Only 350 plus the NSG commandos!!! Imagine!! I am sure there was a larger conspiracy behind allotment of this meagre staff for your protection. These NSG commandos! Useless people I tell you! How are they supposed to protect you when they take 60 hours to kill the people who attacked Mumbai?

This nasty UPA govt. refused to provide you SPG cover since they would have to amend the law for providing SPG to you. Arre baba do they realize what they were doing? It was yesterday only that an MBA student was gangraped by 10 people in Noida district of your state. Do they even realize how unsafe it is for women nowadays especially in U.P? Imagine the girl being abducted at 5.00 in the evening, 100 metres away from a plush mall in the most important dist. of your state which you want to project as an alternative to Bangaluru. To top it all she was not alone but accompanied by a male friend.

Good your bodyguards have the M 50’s with them.

These girls nowadays, I tell you, imagine going out at 5.00 in the evening and that too with a male friend! Don’t they have any shame left? What is this America or what? Their parents should be hanged from the nearest pole . Don’t they teach their daughters any sanskars? It appears that these girls are so busy roaming around with their boyfriends that they do not even have the time to read the newspapers and know that it is not safe for males in U.P to go out after sunset, what to say of females. Please get one of your brilliant IPS officers to state that the girl was of loose character and was now crying foul because of monetary reasons and her father was also of a loose character, and arrest him . I still vividly remember that brilliant IG of yours,Gurdarshan Singh who after the Arushi Talwar case proclaimed her being caught in a ‘compromising position’ with her servant and her father himself not being of ‘good character’ and murdering both the girl and the servant. Brilliant wasn’t it? But those CBI fellows sold out and could not produce an iota of evidence regarding all this. Finally all the people are out of jail and the case is now nearly buried. But hats off to the way you supported the great IG of yours. Instead of sacking him as these Women activists demanded you merely transferred him. I am sure he must be somewhere in the state protecting the Aam Aadmi and the Aam Aurats of the state. Your support for such sincere officers gives the people confidence. My request is to get some similar officer to investigate the instant rape case in Noida also. These ‘loose character’ people cannot be allowed to besmirch your fair name. Let these Women activists shout as much as they can about a female Chief Minister repeatedly failing to protect females in the state. Please show these Lipstick-powder ladies that nobody is safe in the state and even you need M 50 machine guns to protect you.

I am sure it was that canny Amar Singh who ensured the SPG cover was not provided to you. I still remember the guest house incident in 1995 when these Samajwadi Party people tried to physically eliminate you inside the state guest house in the state capital, Lucknow. Good that you have one of the prime accused of the guest house incident , Anand Shukla ‘Anna’ in your party now. After all you have moved from Bahujan Hitaya ( benefit of the majority ) to the Sarvajan Hitaya (benefit of all), so why leave any accused outside your party? This way we reduce our potential adversaries, don’t we? This is man management at its best. My salutations!

Speaking of man management, please convey my regards to Shekhar Tiwari, that bold MLA of your party who thrashed that PWD Engineer, Manoj Gupta to death in his own house in Auraiya near Kanpur because he refused to pay Rs. 50 lakhs as donation towards your birthday celebrations. My regards to the policemen also, who refused to take Manoj Gupta’s call and come to his rescue, letting the brave Tiwari ji thrash him for two hours till he passed away.

Imagine that Engineer refusing to pay 50 lakhs for your birthday bash. Who the hell did he think he was? If this malaise of refusing to pay for your party and your birthday increased it would result in utter lawlessness. Today your birthday, tomorrow election funds, arre is desh mein koi kanoon hai ki nahi?( Is there any law in this country) What if the common people refuse to pay up for the rangadari tax, the goonda tax? Good that Mananiya (Hon’ble) Shekhar Tiwariji laid down the law immediately. My request is that please tell me the amount I have to contribute towards your birthday party. Please do not send the Hon’ble to my house.

The contribution of the collection of Hon’bles under you will definitely be remembered by History. The state could have its own hall of fame for these Mananiyas. I mean how many could say what the Minister of state for Animal Husbandary in your govt. Mananiya (Hon’ble) Avadh Pal Singh, said in a press conference yesterday. Addressing the media he said, “ If D.P Yadav is a mafia because a few criminal cases have been registered against him , then Mahatma Gandhi was the first mafia in the country and so were Subhash Chandra Bose and Jawarhal Lal Nehru.”

What brilliant exposition of History, isn’t it? How many of these Historians could arrive at this conclusion ? Arre, what has D.P.Yadav done besides being a strongman in Western U.P apart from being an accused for illicit liquor manufacturing which once killed 350 people in Haryana and murder accused in all and sundry cases? His son Vikas Yadav has only been sentenced for life in the Nitish Katara murder case and has also only been sentenced for four years rigourous imprisonment in the Jessica Lal case( another one of those loose character females). Mind you, only life sentence and not hanging! And besides when you are a strongman these weak people die when you only slap them, you only grab property from the common people. The problem with these common men is that they always remain weak and then cry like a baby when some strong men take away their home and hearth. Now what can strong men do when you remain weak? They cannot be blamed for making you weak.

The achievements by your good and kind self are unmatched in this country. History bears testimony to the fact that nobody before you had thought of erecting their statue in their lifetime, a job which you did with such élan last year. Small people and their small thoughts, raising such hue and cry over such a trivial issue as statues being raised, Ambedkar parks costing 100 crores when there is utter lawlessness, high unemployment, massive electricity crisis in the state, I mean is stuff like employment, education, electricity more important than Ambedkar parks ? Will they ever think big?

I felt proud to be your follower when I saw your name at the 59th number in the Forbes list of powerful women in the world. Let the critics smirk at this but can they point out anybody who has grown so powerful and influential in three years. Yes mam, three years!! I mean the truth can be gauged from the declarations you made in an affidavit before the Election Commission in 2004 Lok Sabha elections and the 2007 Vidhan Sabha elections.

In 2004, according to the affidavit you owned:
Cash- Rs.1.5 lakhs
Bank Deposits- Rs. 9.78 Crores
Jewellery- Rs. 30.94 Lakhs
Property- Rs. 1.25 Crores.

In 2007 the same assets rose to:
Cash- Rs. 50.27 Lakhs
Bank Deposits- Rs. 12.88 Crores
Jewellery- Rs. 50.87 Lakhs
Property- Rs. 36.84 Crores

If this does not symbolize power then what does? And the best part is that during this period you were neither a C.M in Uttar Pradesh nor a part of the ruling disposition at the Centre. I completely agree that it is the love of the people who have made this ‘Gift’ to you which has resulted in the growth in assets. What of the fact that the people whom you claim to represent find it difficult to make two ends meet! Now I know the reason for their poor state! They ‘Gift’ whatever they earn to your coffers. It is only people like that Engineer Manoj Gupta who start whining while making ‘Gifts’. Well why bother since the Mananiya Shekhar Tiwari ji has taken care of him. Greedy people, always wanting everything for themselves!

I feel disgusted when these party poopers say that the it would be better if you had your cabinet meetings in jails, since that is where most of your ministers are. These rascals, I tell you! Since they cannot be strong men they ridicule others. Borrowing from your minister Shri Avadh Pal Singh, I would like to tell them that before 1947 most of the Congress leaders were in Jail only, but nobody makes such cheap remarks about them. Only your predecessor Mananiya Mulayam Singhji comes anywhere close to your achievements in this regard, since the same strong men keep moving from one party to another. No loyalty, I tell you! But the way you have elaborated the Sarvajan Hitaya (benefit of all) your name will be written in golden words in the History of India. Everybody gets his share of the pie. Good fun, isn't it?

I am confident you will come out of the disproportionate assets case, the Taj scam and all other such false cases which have been foisted on you by your opponents, unscathed. Has any politician before you ever been convicted? It is those nasty opponents who want to spoil your fair name.

There is this friend of mine who says, What of Uttar Pradesh and good governance? My answer to him is that Well What of it? I want to give him one tight slap but am scared since he is stronger than me and your police only protects the strong men . Kindly send one of your ministers to teach him etiquettes provided he survives that meeting.

Mam’ I have taken the liberty of slightly altering the slogan of your party, JAI BHARAT, JAI BHIM.

Considering the effort put in by you in furthering the cause of Sarvajan Hitaya, I now call it,

JAI MAYA KI MAYA.

Regards,

Neither a Bahujan or a Sarvajan, but an Aam Jan (common man).

INDIA AT WAR III- CALL THE BLUFF

IF OUR HOUSE BE ON FIRE, WITHOUT ENQUIRING WHETHER IT WAS FIRED FROM WITHIN OR WITHOUT, WE MUST TRY TO EXTINGUISH IT.-----THOMAS JEFFERSON

It is more than a month since the terrorists declared war on India. Not that the acts pre 26/11 were not acts of war, but compared to the audacious frontal assault on 26/11, those events can be called mere sorties to judge our defences and reactions. The recce's on India have been carried out for more than 20 years now, through targeted assassinations, explosions, introduction of fake currency into the system, use of the stock markets to launder money and stuff. Our adversaries are now convinced of our muddled approach to an epidemic which is worse than the plague for it affects the mind and the strength to resist.

The events post 26/11 would have reinforced this belief of the terrorists. The defence minister rules out 'War as an option', the foreign minister says that 'All options are on the table', the Prime Minister says something which only he can decipher. The foreign minister is now apparently convincing the 'friends' of Pakistan, Saudi Arabia, China and America to pressurise Pakistan to take action against the perpetrators of this ghastly attack. The Pakistanis are much more focused on their line of defence, which is basically offence. Someday it is 'provide us the evidence', someday 'We will strike back within minutes', to ' we will act in our interest, not on somebody's bidding'.

Great show guys! You really have to hand out to these politicians. Let Thomas Jefferson say what he wants to , we will first enquire as to whether the fire started from our neighbour's house or our own. Then we will judge whether the origin of this fire has its genesis in our own house immaterial of the fact that this raging fire is repeatedly being fanned by our neighbour. This fire has been slowly turning our house into ashes for twenty years but we are so confused about its perpetrators The best part is that rather than confronting this scourge of fire ourselves, we rush to the Mafiosi of the locality, requesting them to ask our neighbour to desist from sending this fire into our house. The whole farce could be called a comedy circus provided the implications weren't as serious.

The show of resolve immediately in the aftermath of 26/11 was impressive. The anger in the common people against the inability of the politicians to provide leadership and security manifested itself in a huge spontaneous gathering in Mumbai, perhaps the largest non political gathering in the country post independence. The politicians closed ranks and countered with a special session of the Parliament to let off a lot of hot air. The 'P.M in waiting' wanted 'every loss of Indian life to be avenged', the 'P.M in hoping' talked of the Kauravas and the Pandavas uniting to fight a common enemy'.

For once, the political class exhibited unity for a day. But as is their wont, they lapsed into the mode of political kite flying soon thereafter. A.R. Antulay is not the loose canon he was made out to be after his 'investigation into Hemant Karkare's death' remark. Old habits die hard, as they say. For all practical purposes, it was a calculated attempt by the ruling dispensation to judge the mood of the people and to confirm its 'SECULAR' credentials. A.R.Antulay is too wily and experienced a politician to shoot off his mouth without a green signal from the very top. The 'conspiracy theory' statement has met with more than an enthusiastic response from the Urdu press. The response gauged, Antulay has retreated back into his shell, apparently convinced of the veracity of the encounter after a rather dull and drab statement from the Home Minister which conveyed nothing which was not in the public domain. That Antulay's irresponsible statement was a well calculated strategy can be judged from the fact that he would have been sacked from the Union cabinet for indirectly casting aspersions on the statement of the P.M who had declared Pakistan to be responsible for this carnage in his televised address to the nation post 26/11, if Antulay had been shooting off his mouth at his own sweet will. Furthermore if he had any evidences to prove his theory the same should have been brought to the public's notice rather than simple circulation of his theories. Please note that Antulay continues to be an integral part of the Union cabinet without so much as a rap on the knuckles.

The fact that this irresponsibility has been utilised by Pakistan to buttress their case before the International community and that it was an affront to the people who laid down their lives in those 60 hours of carnage is nobody's case really! What is the life of people like Karkare, Kamte, Unnikrishnan before the upcoming parliamentary elections and the lure of the the so called minority vote bank. Perhaps the 'P.M in waiting' would like to respond. We have been brought to this abyss by these very acts revolving around this perversion of 'secularism' and its direct linkages with the vote bank.

Pakistan which was bullied into supporting America's war on terror post 9/11 by the famous ' we will bomb you into stone ages' advice from Richard Armitage , is back to its old ways after the initial show of support for India's pain. Apparently Azmal Amir Kasab never existed in the Pakistani records. That those records cover only 30% of the Pakistani population is nobody's case really. The war hysteria being generated across the Wagah border is symptomatic of the mess Pakistan is in. The army which was extremely unpopular after the Lal Masjid face off and was facing desertions because of its operations in the FATA and Waziristan provinces is now shifting the attention of the populace towards the eternal enemy, India. The Pakistani army loves a good war as much as the Indian bureaucracy loves a good drought. Both are extremely beneficial for the economics of the house, you see! Studies have revealed that the Pakistani army is the biggest corporate player in the Pakistani economy. Apparently most of the business in Pakistan is owned by the Army personnel, both serving and retired.

Pakistan is looking for a way to wriggle out of the mess on its North Western frontier province. They have obtained billions of dollars of aid from the U.S on the plea of being a key ally in the American war against terror. But this has made them extremely unpopular in the country. How do you fight your own baby, the Taliban? Pakistan is now using the spectre of a war on its eastern border against India to pull out troops from the border with Afghanistan. This according to the Pakistani army has the double benefit of the populace forgetting the chaos on the North western front. Nothing like the hard core jingoism, you see! Get those adrenaline juices flowing guys, We are at War with India! But another benefit which is being calibrated into account is the paranoia which has set in amongst the American policy makers. They feel that they are at a crucial stage in the war in Afghanistan and any troop pull out by Pakistan may land the Americans in a spot of bother vis a vis Afghanistan. The Americans will do anything to keep the Pakistanis on their side, for they are fighting their own war and not India's.

By a strange paradox, Pakistan will have both the Talibanis and the U.S on its side if their chicanery succeeds. Politics makes for strange bedfellows, doesn't it?

The most worrying signs are emanating from Washington and Moscow. Barack Obama has already shown his willingness to appoint a special designate, possibly Bill Clinton to mediate between the permanently squabbling India and Pakistan over the issue of Kashmir, so as to paraphrase the American thinking. Pakistan with its present rhetoric of an impending war is sure to confirm the American doubts of Kashmir being a flashpoint which has all the potential of conflagrating a war. This has dangerous portends for India for when combined with the sell out over the nuclear deal, it has the potential to make Indian foreign policy completely subservient to the American vision for the world. India cannot let this idea of an official designate for Kashmir progress any further. But the way we permitted FBI officials to interrogate Azmal Kasab in the hope of obtaining American support for the apprehension of the perpetrators of 26/11 knowing fully well that the perpetrators of this attack are not living in some huts and wild territory, 'stateless' as Zardari calls them, but in the Army H.Q in Rawalpindi, the chances of us fighting our own war and standing up for ourselves appears bleak indeed.

The failure of the Indian foreign policy in putting all it eggs in one basket has resulted in its traditional ally Russia drifting away. The call from Moscow for India and Pakistan to desist from building up tension on its borders is ominous from an Indian standpoint. Note the missing support for Indian restraint and valid attempts for self defence. This is Putin's hint to the mandarins in New Delhi, 'getting too cosy with the Yankees, eh' !!

Indian policymakers have too realize that the war on terror has to be fought by our own selves . 'There are no permanent friends or foes in politics, only permanent interests', they say.

We have to get rid of this approach of looking in askance towards others in solving our problems. Recently released archives from U.S show that Nehru inspite of his feel good policy of non alignment ,desperately sought support from U.S during the Sino-Indian conflict of 1962 and received some grudging support from it. This indicates the wooly eyed approach towards foreign policy.

Matters of foreign policy require hard core professional approach towards national interest and not the please all approach we are prone to take. Sample the condemnation of the Israeli assault on the Hamas in the Gaza territory. The Hamas is as ruthless a terrorist organisation as the Lashkar or the Jaish. I fail to understand how we can call for a ban on the Jamat ud dawah on the one hand and praise Hamas for its resistance. Double standards while confronting terror will lead us nowhere. On the other hand the Israeli support for India in its fight against terror has been unequivocal, while our affinity with the Palestinians for the sake of Arab support for us in our conflict with Pakistan defies logic. On innumerable occasions the Organisation of Islamic countries (OIC) which is dominated by Saudi Arabia has passed uncomfortable resolutions on the issue of Kashmir.We have to shrug this pseudo moralistic approach and move forward. To borrow from George Bush, we have to make it very clear to the world that in this war on terror 'they are either with us or against us'. But for that we need to eradicate our own double standards. A terrorist is a terrorist, period! We cannot have a Lashkar bad boy and a Hamas fighter for freedom and justice.

The country has to realize that this war has to fought on our own. If Pakistan can threaten U.S with its strategy of withdrawing troops from the border with Afghanistan in order to defend itself against an imaginary Indian attack, why can we not clearly tell the Americans to compel the Pakistanis to hand over people like Dawood, Hafiz Saeed to us, dismantle the 'stateless' terror network or else we will not rule out the option of war , for we cannot be expected to bleed indefinitely in order to assist in America's war in Afghanistan. It is time we called Pakistan's bluff. As of now Pakistan is very successfully setting the agenda and we simply follow it.

Apart from the foreign policy, the internal policy has to be set in order. The govt. has promised of the National Investigation Agency, the Maritime Security adviser and stuff. Sounds good doesn't it, apart from the fact that the issue of Maritime security adviser was one of the recommendations of the review committee under the chairmanship of noted defence analyst K.Subhramanyam which was set up to enquire into the lapses which led to the Kargil war, and make recommendations. That was in 1999. Today the govt. when 2009 is about to begin gets back into the rewind mode and dusts the file. Will somebody ask them that if the idea was not good enough for 10 years, what led to this sudden enthusiasm for it? Rest assured some worthy from the navy will be appointed to the post if at all the idea moves forward and there will be a mad scramble for getting appointed for the post and the most pliant of persons will get the chequered flag. The National Investigation agency might already be not worth the paper it is printed on.

The confidence building measures between India and Pakistan were built on the premise of Pakistan not permitting its territory to be utilized for anti India activity. Post Mumbai and the purported mountains of evidence against Pakistan, why have the CBM's not been called off ? How long will we allow ourselves to be bled to death? As rightly observed by the sports minister, ' our team cannot play cricket with them when they send another team to kill and maim our people'.

An informed citizenry is the biggest requirement for the flourishing of democracy. The strength lies within. The pressure needs to be kept on the politicians to take action or else be prepared to face the next assault from the 'stateless actors' from across the border. The national interest has to supersede any other interest, our war has to be fought be us and us alone, at all places, under all conditions. Surrender is not an option.

Please sample the ideology being prescribed to by our 'stateless actors'-

"You do not make treaties with evildoers or try to adjust your conduct to make them like you. You do not try to see the world from the evildoer's point of view. You do not try to appease them, or persuade them, or reason with them. You try on the contrary, to outwit them, to vanquish them, to kill them. You behave with them in the same manner that you would deal with a fatal epidemic--you try to wipe it out."- Al Qaida's fantasy ideology.

Is there a message in this ideology for all of us?

INDIA AT WAR II-DARE TO WIN

“ FACE THE TERRIBLE, FACE IT BOLDLY. THE HARDSHIPS OF LIFE FALL BACK WHEN WE CEASE TO FLEE BEFORE THEM ” ---SWAMI VIVEKANANDA

It was around 125 years back in a village in the then undivided Bengal. A young kid was running desperately , being pursued by a dog. As is the wont of young kids, the terrified kid ran straight towards his mother, crying out for help. His mother did not come running for help but instead asked him to turn around and face the dog. The kid turned around and faced the dog. Lo and behold, the dog took to his heels when faced with this resistance. The kid had learnt an important lesson that day. Never in his life did he ever turn his back towards adversity and instead always faced it with a bold heart. Adversity obviously had to be looked in the eye. The name of the kid, Jatin Mukherjee, who grew up to be known as Bagha Jatin. For the uninitiated, Bagha Jatin grew up into a famous revolutionary who took on the might of the British empire. He earned the nickname of Bagha when he killed a tiger bare handed in the jungle where he had taken refuge from the British army. Obviously he had learned his lessons well in his child hood. It was the spirit infused by revolutionaries like Bagha Jatin which laid the foundation for the independence of the country.

Let us now sample an example from the dog chasing the modern day India: “ Today I announce the break up of India, Insha Allah. We will not rest until the whole of India is dissolved into Pakistan,” let us proceed a bit further with this enlightenment for it shows the true face of this vicious adversity, “ We know that the Hindu genetic make up is of the Bania which knows only how to take account of others, rather than giving of itself. However we wish to tell the Hindu Bania that we are that race which does not forget its history, and reiterate it time and again- for example, Afghanistan, Iraq, Palestine, Somalia and Kashmir.”---Lashkar-e-Taiba chief Hafiz Mohd. Saeed in 1999.

And the Indian response to this, Prime Minister Manmohan Singh and his famous “ Pakistan is as much a victim of terrorism as India” speech in 2006. It gets better with pseudo peaceniks like Mahesh Bhatt calling for the ‘people to people’ contact between the civilian population of India and Pakistan to be allowed to continue, he further goes on to advocate the continuation of the ‘cultural contact’ between the two countries, for apparently a moderate Pakistan is our ‘only hope’. Bravo Mr. Bhatt, but please ask your moderate friends in Pakistan to ensure that singers like Lata Mangeshkar and Jagjit Singh are also allowed to perform in Pakistan or is this ‘ cultural contact’ a one way street only, as rest of the things in India and Pakistan relations.

Things have purportedly heated up post 26/11, with the common people in Mumbai gathering to force the govt. to hear their voice, a special session of the Parliament being convened in order to show the resolve of the Indian people. That platitudes like “ The govt. working towards the creation of a Federal Investigation Agency”, “ India will be victorious in its fight against the barbaric menace of terrorism,” being passed of as action. Fight!! Did you see any fight friends ? Any action gentlemen?

Well why bother since the people in Mumbai and the rest of the country have gone back to earning their bread and butter and the country is slowly getting into the election mode. But please remember that this silence post 26/11 has a eerie sound and is just the calm before the next storm.

The govt. will of course point out to the ‘action’ taken by the U.N.Security Council in proscribing the Jamaat-ud-Dawa and in further proscribing four individuals of the Jamaat-ud- Dawa, including the chief Hafiz Mohd. Saeed who allegedly is under house arrest alongwith the chief of Jaish-e-Mohd, Maulana Masood Azhar. (Rest assured that while the doors of their houses are locked from the front, the back door and the windows are wide open.). Incidentally, the Pakistani High Commissioner to India in an interview to Karan Thapar has denied that Massod Azhar is under house arrest and has further feigned ingnorance about his whereabouts.

Condoleeza Rice has paid a visit and castigated Pakistan, British P.M. Gordon Brown has publicly acknowledged the role of Pakistan in facilitating the Mumbai attack. John McCain, John Kerry have accepted India’s right to self defence. The present govt. can beat its chest for ensuring that the world has accepted India’s position on terror. But has anything changed ? Anything at all !!!

The Lashkar-e-Taiba was banned in 2002 subsequent to the attack on the Indian Parliament on December 13, 2001. Hafiz Saeed and Masood Azhar were put under house arrest, funds belonging to the outfit were apparently frozen.

The result: Lashkar changed its name to Jamaat-ud-Dawa (the name under which it functions now) and continued to flourish . Hafiz Saeed and Masood Azhar continued to hold public rallies after they were released within a year, spewing anti India venom.

I would wish to invite the attention of the Indian Muslims towards the sayings of Hafiz Saeed and the defacto policy of the govt. of Pakistan. Please do not consider the word Hindu in its literal meaning. For these terrorists anybody residing in India is a Hindu (and rightly so) inspite of the religious affiliations he or she prescribes to. In case of any doubt please refer to the casualty list of any terrorist attack. The names of the victims tell their own story. Anybody who was not a Hindu in thought and action left in 1947.

The govt. of Pakistan has refused to ban the Jamaat in spite of the UNSC resolution and refused to hand over any person of Pakistani origin to the Indian authorities for investigation. With regards to persons of Indian origin, remember Dawood Ibrahim, well apparently he was never in Pakistan anyway! The residence in the upmarket Clifton area of Karachi indicated by Indian Intelligence authorities belongs to Superman of course!! That Dawood’s daughter was married in a lavish ceremony to cricketer Javed Miandad’s son, in Karachi, is a trivial indeed.

That the same country handed over the murder accused in the Daniel Pearl case, Ahmed Omar Saeed Shaikh, within 3 months to the U.S authorities shows that the Bagha Jatin mentality still prevails. You have to take the bull by its horn.

The sudden interest shown by the U.S and British authorities in the Mumbai case and its aftermath is because of two reasons.

Firstly the lives of a few U.S and British nationals have been lost in the attack and these countries value the lives of their citizens more than we with our concept of atman being eternal, do. But the fact also remains that this is not the first time foreign lives have been lost in terror attacks in India.

Which brings us to the more important second point. The NATO forces led by U.S.A are under tremendous pressure in Afghanistan. The flawed policy of targetting Sadddam Hussain and his country had ensured the thinning out of U.S forces in Afghanistan. This monumental folly has given a fresh lease of life to the dreaded Taliban who are on the comeback trail in Afghanistan. It is an open secret that the ISI under the patronage of the govt. of Pakistan provides shelter to the Talibanis in the Waziristan and FATA provinces of Pakistan. The temperature of this area has been rising in the past few months. Aerial attacks through unmanned drones, commando incursions by U.S forces into Pak territory and incessant U.S diplomatic pressure has bogged down the Pakistani army into an unwilling war with the Talibanis. There have been desertions of thousands of Pakistani army personnel in the past few months as they are not willing to fight against their ‘brothers’.

The NATO forces are using the port of Karachi to land their vehicles and weapons and then progressing to Afghanistan through Peshawar. Shockingly, hundreds of armoured vehicles belonging to the NATO forces have been burnt in their Peshawar storage houses in the past week. The message being conveyed by the ISI is loud and clear. ‘if you do not help us out, this is just a sample, we will make life hell for you in Afghanistan’. The Pakistani army has already issued statements to the effect of moving its forces stationed at the Afghan border towards its border with India post 26/11.

Now you understand the sudden U.S concern for India? These guys will let the rhetoric play out and in fact aid and abet it. But on the other hand they will not let you get down to business.

The war In Afghanistan is much more important for the U.S rather than India’s terror agenda. But can we really blame the Americans for their self interest? Wish we could be as clear headed in our focus towards our interests.

The former U.S Secy. Of State Madeleine Albright has referred to Pakistan as an ‘International Migraine’. But unfortunately it is our head which is aching from this migraine and its undeclared policy of ‘bleeding India through a thousand cuts’.

The existence of Pakistan as a sovereign nation is a truth which needs to be accepted and therefore declaring War will not be a solution to this menace which in reality is the unfinished agenda of the partition. India might attain some benefit strategically but remember four wars (including Kargil) have not resulted in anything beneficial, since the politicians lost at the negotiation table what the soldier earned at the battle field. Besides the Americans will never allow that to happen for their own strategic and national interest. War can only be the last resolve in any situation and should not be taken recourse to without utilizing the alternatives, which we unfortunately with our woolly eyed approach towards matters of national importance have never tried out.

‘Stateless actors’, Asif Ali Zardari calls them, knowing fully well that these stateless actors are not faceless or patronless. The irresponsibility of the Indian politicians can only be matched with their counterparts on the other side of the Wagah border. ‘Stateless’ indeed President Zardari! That is why your government does not permit interrogation of the accused held in the Mumbai attack case as requested for by British P.M. Gordon Brown in Islamabad. Stateless indeed ! For that is why your govt. refuses to freeze accounts of the Jamaat-ud-Dawa inspite of U.N.S.C resolutions. Stateless indeed! For that is why you start releasing the prominent members of the Jamaat even before arresting them.

But can India afford to be part of this shenanigan any longer in the hope of the U.S or any other western power helping us out, or the Pakistani rulers having a change of heart?

‘God helps those who help themselves’ is a saying which couldn’t be any truer in international relations. Israel is a case in point. Surrounded by hostile neighbours from its birth, the nation has taken on them all and not only survived but flourished. When we talk of Israel, the immediate thought which springs to mind is its Army and Secret services, but according to my estimate the advancement made by Israel in the field of Science and Technology (Drip water irrigation, is a small example) and its tremendous record in Democracy is no less significant. Mind you Israel is the only place in the middle east with a truly democratic system of governance.

We therefore keep getting back to the fact of looking fear in the eye and not backing out of a confrontation.

“Brave, bold men and women, these are what we want. What we want is vigor in the blood, strength in the nerves, iron muscles and nerves of steel, not softening namby-pamby ideas. Avoid all these.”-Swami Vivekananda.

But where are the brave, bold men required to face this situation ?

D. Raja of the Communist Party of India has already suggested to take this matter of the Mumbai attack with evidences to the United Nations Security Council, ostensibly in order to pressurize Pakistan to take appropriate action. Do we remember the experience when we last took a bilateral matter to U.N.S.C? The Indian army was on the verge of driving away the Pakistani intruders in Kashmir in 1948 when Pandit Nehru on the devious advice of Lord Mountabatten referred the issue to the U.N and halted the Indian army in its tracks. It would not be out of place to infer that the terror attacks in India are in part an outcome of that monumental error.

How long will it take to realize and accept the fact that Pakistan is one of the pawns in the chess being played out by the Chinese in their bid to attain international hegemony, duly supported by Saudi petro dollars. The kingdom of Saudi Arabia is pumping in billions of dollars in this international market of terrorism being run through the aegis of Pakistan in order to distract the fundamentalists from the issue of control of the holy sites of Mecca and Medina. The Chinese will ensure that the matter is internationalized if taken to U.N.S.C by referring to the problem of Kashmir. The consequences need no elaboration. What further needs no elaboration is the close relationship between the CPI and the Chinese authorities. Any guesses on whom the instructions are coming from for people like D. Raja?

Pakistan has once again refused to handover Masood Azhar, Hafiz Saeed as demanded by Indian authorities. Dawood…..well Dawood was never in Pakistan, so say the Pakistanis. The Indian govt. has faced this predicament before and its cluelessness is again being exposed the moment Pakistanis refuse the handover.

But frankly were we really expecting the Pakistani govt. to arrest these people and let India take over? It is also in our benefit that we have not been granted custody of these criminals for what with our inappropriate laws and the approaching elections would have ensured lawyers rushing in to take up their cases and certain bleeding hearts in the political arena to organize human chains and rallies in their support. We certainly do not need more Afzal Guru’s, do we?

Machiavelli in his treatise, ‘The Prince’ said that the end justified the means. Chanakya’s ‘Arthashastra’ is a predecessor of Machiavelli many times over, what with elaborate study on espionage, political assassinations etc. in order to propagate Raj Dharma. But in our suicidal interpretation of Secularism for political gains and its consequential abhorrence to anything belonging to India’s past, we have all but abandoned veritable goldmines of knowledge like the Arthashastra.

Although this post cannot claim to have the intelligence to interpret these great works, but in my humble assessment, if Chanakya would have alive today, people like Dawood and Hafiz Saeed would have been assassinated in their safe houses by paid assassins who might have been the people guarding them.

Find it fantasy stuff? If you care to study Chanakya and flip through the ascent of Chandra Gupta Maurya and his subsequent gain of strength and then compare it with the sayings of the ‘Arthashastra’ the fantasy would come alive before you. But our ‘Secularism’ blinds ourselves to our own heritage.

This option is better than the ‘surgical strikes’ suggested by a section of the media isn’t it? Why dirty your hands when you can hire people to do the dirty job for you? We can repeat the policy of bleeding through a thousand cuts over its inventor.

Fact remains that once a terrorist is able to get out of his house for his mission it becomes very difficult to stop him, howsoever efficient the security or intelligence agencies might be. The only place to stop him is inside his home only, Get him before he gets you.

But do we really have the will to do so? Will our intelligence agencies for once be made free from their espionage about inconvenient political opponents, and permitted to do their primary duties? Will our bureaucrats for once give up their lust for corruption and take responsibility for their actions rather than hiding behind the politicians? Politicians come and go, but the bureaucracy like Amrit is immortal, unaffected, unaccountable. The Mumbai incident is a an example in this, while The C.M and Dy. C.M were forced to resign, the D.G.P of Maharashtra police and the Commissioner of Mumbai Police continue inspite of this massive failure in their duty.

Questions are many, answers limited. Mumbai has been saved for the time being, India is still unsafe. As we said in the last post, the battle might have been won, but the war goes on.

WHO DARES WINS. LET US DARE, WE SHALL WIN----Motto of the British SAS commandos.

CHAK DE INDIA

INDIA AT WAR

WAR: Quarrel usually between nations conducted by force, state of open hostility and suspension of ordinary international law prevalent during such quarrel, attacks or series of attacks by armed forces; fighting as profession.

Writing contemporary history is one of the most hazardous academic professions, for chronicling events and analysing them is a tricky subject because of the inherent bias which creeps into writings. Furthermore, the turn of events and new evidences can make you look like a fool. But these are extraordinary times and since extraordinary situations call for extraordinary reactions, the common man has to speak out and stand up for his nation, values, culture and most importantly for the future generations, I offer my head for the chopping block. I do not wish my children to grow up under the shadow of guns and grenades instead giggles and gardens. Let the child know about Gandhi before he learns about Genghis Khan.

India is at war. The war is not between nations or religions but between an idelogy which professes pluralism and secularism against one which professe mindless violence, killing of innocents and vandalising. India is above religion, here Sufis existed with saints, here Tulsi, Nanak coexisted with Khwaja Moinuddin Chisti.

" Yeh ek nirlajja hamla hai" (This is a shameless attack), So spake the minister of state for Home affairs, Sriprakash Jaiswal in his reaction to the attack in Mumbai on 11/26 and continuing till the time of writing, as if to assert something which the common individual did not know. 'Niralaajata' (shamelessness) Mr. Minister!! Being the minister of state for Home and thereby responsible for the safety and security of the citizens, and with your shameless record of non performance on this front, you have the gall to call these terrorists shameless. Let me remind you sir, that you are a public servant and earn your salary from the taxes a common man like me and lakhs of others pay. At least the intentions of these terrorists are clear (and have been clear for decades), they want a decimation of this nation, its culture and in general everything it stand for and embodies. The 'shame' should be on you and your government for the ineptitude and callousness it has shown.

The country is in a state of shock and awe and all you can say is that the terrorists are shameless! What were you expecting Honourable Sir? Jalebis and Rossogollas??

The Prime Minister goes a step further and warns "neighbouring countries who support terrorists of consequences", without daring to name the countries and informing them of the consequences. When a country needed a man to stand up and say that the 'nation was at war, and we will win the war come what may", all we got was a timid Prime Minister evidently reading from a tele prompter and mouthing platitudes like “We will take a number of measures to strengthen the hands of our police and intelligence authorities. We will curb the flow of funds to suspect organisations. We will restrict the entry of suspects into the country. We will go after these individuals and organisations and make sure that every perpetrator, organiser and supporter of terror, whatever his affiliation or religion may be, pays a heavy price for these cowardly and horrific acts against our people,”

Kindly note the preponderance of the word "WILL'. Excuse me , Mr. P.M are we to assume that your government has been waiting for a carnage like this to happen and now you WILL do this and do that. Were the mindless loss of life for the past innumerable years not enough for the govt. to act as you now say you WILL? Who my respected sir, is responsible for the loss of life, destruction of numerous families, loss of property and most of all projecting India that is Bharat, as a soft target for anybody looking for a passage to jannat(heaven, for that is what these jihadis are brainwashed into believing) . Why can this country not ensure a quick getaway to Dozakh (hell) for these terrorists ?? Why can we not accept that Saudi Arabia with its oil money, more than Pakistan, is sponsoring these terrorists and their fundamentalist interpretation of Wahabism, in order to keep their focus away from the issue of control over the holy sites of Mecca and Medina ?

The P.M is also again mouthing ideas like a Federal Intelligence Agency and stuff. It would have been a good joke if lives were not involved. The govt. mouths the same ideas which it knows it is not going to implement, everytime the terrorists create mayhem and a few days later goes back to sleep. Nero was a King of Kings compared to the worthies we have. Atleast he played flute while Rome burnt, whereas our P.M looks in askance for permission to play flute from we all know who! Come on Sir, at least stand up against this menace . The country is behind you whole heartedly, provided you stand up and be counted.

The seriousness with which the govt. has faced terrorism can be judged from the fact that Terrorism was not even on the agenda when the National Integration Council met a couple of months back. This was subsequent to the horror of Ahemdabad and New Delhi. The meeting was ostensibly called to 'discuss' the internal strife between two groups of tribes in Orissa. Apparently the Vatican was displeased with the events in Orissa and therefore the meeting of NIC. The issue of Terrorism was added subsequent to loud protests from the C.M's of the other hue. Is this how we are supposed to face terror?

The entire city of Mumbai in particular and the country in general are being held to ransom by an unknown number of fidayeens, with the common people looking on in horror. The streets throughout the country are quiter than usual without anybody knowing where the next attack is going to come from.It is as if doomsday or Apocalypse has arrived. This is India's 9/11. This is a frontal assault on everything the nation stands for. India is scared, India where Swami Vivekanand said, " Have No Fear, Fear is death, Fear is Sin, Fear is Hell, Fear is Unrighteousness, Fear is Wrong Life." But let us face it, we are scared. Sample the reaction of the cine star Amitabh Bachchan who expressed his fear in his blog, "Last night, as the events of the terror attack unfolded in front of me I did something for the first time and one that I had hoped never ever to be in a situation to do. Before retiring for the night, I pulled out my licensed .32 revolver, loaded it and put it under my pillow. For a very disturbed sleep," Imagine if a man who lives under high security feels like this .........

That the entire machinery was caught offguard can be gauged from the approach of the ATS from the video shots of the late Hemant Karkare and his team. The brave officer is seen to approach the battle ground with his entire team following him as if they are confronting poor farmers sitting on a dharna, rather than a trained bunch of motivated fighters who have undergone commando training. The result is that some of the bravest of the officers have lost their lives whereas a bit of planning would have helped them fight a larger battle for the sake of the nation. Regardless of the brave fight put up, the ATS does have some explanation to do regarding the manner in which these terrorist sneaked in and have created mayhem. And please do not accept the theory of targetting foreigners, western interests and entering the city through small boats. The simple fact is that India has been attacked, once again.

These people would have been in the city for months together making reconissance of the taregetted places. An attack of this magnitude is beyond the capacity of people merely entering the city with rucksacks and letting go. Do not be surprised if these guys were staying in the same plush hotels as guests beforehand, who were merely joined in by attackers from the front gate. The method in which these guys are holding out rubbishes the simple story being played out. Can we have some truth after the crisis is over?

Or is it!!!!

The methodology of hostage taking is the pinnacle of terrorist achievements for besides from using them as human shields, these unfortunate hostages can be used as bargaining chips for deriving maximum leverage (remember Kandahar) and last but not the least, it gets them unlimited media coverage. Media is like the lifeline for any terrorist group in order to propagate their message and instil fear among the populace.

FEAR... we keep coming back to the operative word in any act of terror. Saturated coverage (watch BBC if you do not believe this) by the media of the free world ensures you publicity which no Al Qaida site would do in a life time.

With the risk of being labelled a conspiracy theorist, I perceive this act as a mere dress rehersal for something BIG. Remember the hostage taking in Jammu a few months back and now this. It appears that the terrorists are graduating to a higher level with each experience. I would appeal to our security agencies and the intelligence guys to include this input while analysing the incidence after it is done and over with. Please remember Beslan in Russia where Chechen terrorists took around 400 school students as hostage. The very thought is terrifying, but this in-your-face terrorism has to be confronted.....and defeated.

The nation has reposed faith in its politicians time and again and have been rewarded with this. The politician-bureaucrat- criminal nexus needs to be broken in order to confront this evil. Have we ever given thought to the fact that these terrorists are using the conduits of local criminals who might be sitting abroad but have their kingdoms intact ( does the name of Dawood ring a bell) , to ferry in their arms, ammunition and personnel. These networks ensure safe houses, local intelligence, local personnel for these terrorists. It is an open secret that these criminals are used by politicians to launder their dirty money, win elections in bargain of safety of their illegal business. The bureaucrats as the legendary Shikhandi provide cover to this dirty nexus in exchange of plum 'postings', 'transfer of the irritants (Read the limited honest officers), easy money and stuff. It appears that the nation and its citizens is the least of their concerns. This unholy triumvirate has to be broken, and broken fast.

India has been at the receiving end of these terror attacks for decades now and it is an amazing fact that this country has no special anti terror law . The govt. is pleased as a punch when it states that the existing laws like the National Security Act is enough to confront this scourge . The POTA was scrapped because it was ostensibly against a particular religion. The argument was that even the existence of POTA did not prevent the Akshardham or the Parliament attack. The argument leads one to draw an analogy and ask questions like Dowry deaths inspite of an equally ‘draconian’ anti dowry act (Sec. 498 of IPC), and murders inspite of section 302. Do we mean to say that these laws should be scrapped because of events to the contrary. As to the argument of POTA being used against a particular community based on the statistical evidence of the number of people arrested under it, will please any politician point out the identity of the persons committing these terror acts ? I once again assert my previous statements that terrorism has no religion, so please…please treat a terrorist like a terrorist, not a Hindu or Muslim or Sikh terrorist. Laws do not prevent crime but they ensure punishment for a crime thereby deterring future wannabes. Law is one of the arms to fight a terrorist and let us not fight this modern day asura with one of our arms chopped off. Besides let the judiciary decide on the applicability of the law in each and every case. No law is above judicial scrutiny, is it ?

One of the essential arms in fighting this terror i.e. the Police needs immediate reform. All of us saw the visuals of the brave guys of the ATS enter the battle zone with their outdated bullet proof vests while confronted with an enemy who is trained like an army commando and much more motivated. The ATS or any such force needs special equipments along with special training. The SWAT in the U.S.A is a special police force which tackles such exigencies. I wonder whether the ATS guys are trained on a regular basis judging by their work in the past one month, wherein they had been dragged unnecessarily into a political event. The investigation should be the part of a specialized team and the operations part should be left to the other experts. You cannot have officers like Hemant Karkare ,Vijay Salaskar and Asohk Amte both investigating as well as executing cases. Unfortunately we will not be having them anymore, but will we learn from our mistakes ? We better do, for these brave, nay very brave officers looked like Abhimanyu getting into the Chakravyuha without knowing how to get out of it.

The reform has also to come from within the police officers who have to stand up and be counted . For too long they have played along with the politicians for petty gains but the chickens have come home to roost. Senior police officers are ssen more in high profile parties rather than on their rounds. In small cities and towns the situation is far worse for the senior police officer is like the Mai baap for the place. They will bow before the local politician who generally is a ruffian/criminal, but will thrash a poor man on the street mercilessly. The police officers need to look within.

Mumbai has been brought on its knees. Our soldiers are fighting a very brave battle but the damage has been done. The purpose has been served for the masters as well as the perpetrators. The shrill propaganda of these youngsters having eliminated three of the top anti terror officers as well as holding on against the Army, the MARCOS and the NSG will earn them more recruits. Not for them the reason that the forces are proceeding cautiously in order to minimise collateral damage. They do not prescribe to the Indian ideology of each life being important . They proscribe to the ideology of mindless violence and such propaganda is like a boon from the God.

My thoughts are with the people held hostage and the brave sons fighting to save them. My prayers are with them. May God give them courage.

But this nation will be doing a great disservice to the dead police officers and the common men and women who fell prey to these beasts, if we remain in the shock and awe in which we are right now in. The people have to get up and like Arjuna take the pledge after the death of Abhimanyu to avenge the death of these brave people. The govt. has to be forced to confront this demon. Remember the NATION IS AT WAR. The sooner we understand it, the better.

Like Swami Vivekananda said: “ The goal may be distant, but awake, arise and stop not till the goal is reached.”

Let this message go down to the terrorists that this nation of Ashoka, Samudra Gupta, Akbar, Shivaji, Rana Pratap, Guru Gobind Singh, Bhagat Singh, Jhansi ki Rani will not be cowed down. We will fight for our culture, our spirit, our History and for everything that is INDIA.

Borrowing from Winston Churchill in the face of the advancing German war machinery before the battle of Britain :

“ We shall fight in France, we shall fight on the seas and oceans, we shall fight with growing confidence and growing strength in the air, we shall defend our island, whatever the cost may be, we shall fight on the beaches, we shall fight on the landing grounds, we shall fight in the fields and in the streets, we shall fight in the hills; we shall never surrender.”

Amen….

VANDE MATARAM

P.S : My condolences to the families of the brave officers who laid down their lives for the cause of the nation and to those killed in this act of mindless violence.

THE GREAT NORTH INDIAN MARRIAGE

Marriage is perhaps the only industry in India which never faces the threat of recession. Therefore while the BSE index and the Nifty go for a toss, while the Airlines refuse to lower the fares inspite of a massive fall in ATF prices and find no passengers, while the prices of essential items skyrocket inspite of fall in inflation figures (govt. ones of course), the Marriage season is in full bloom in India. If you look around, you will see all Hotels booked out, all caterers engaged, all rental vehicles booked in advance, musical bands booked out months in advance, massive crowds in Saree showrooms.......RECESSION !! What's that ?

Since tis the marriage season I would like to get caught in this fever and bring before you a description of a marriage ceremony and its attendant baggages. Any reader looking for some constructive ideas please desist from proceeding further. Not that the blog usually contains any constructive ideas, but let's not digress any further.

The time is 8:00 P.M in any North Indian city. It is well past the 7:00 P.M deadline indicated in the invitation card for the starting of the Baarat as it is called, but the groom is still roaming around getting ready for the Baarat. Nobody in the family is bothered about the delay since the accepted norm for the baarat to proceed in the country is at least two hours behind schedule for you do not want the bride's family to notice that the groom is too anxious to get married. Marriage after all is an extension of the game of Chess. Mind games you see, never let the opponent realize your anxiety, for then you loose the upper hand. Besides you also do not want the bride's family to be caught unawares, for the mandap for the ceremony is still half ready, the stage for the reception ceremony has fallen short of flowers and most importantly the bride is still in the beauty parlour, getting ready with layers of make up. Obviously, she needs to 'look beautiful' doesn't she ? When you live in India you follow Indian Standard Time, don't you ? Not for us the firang business of respecting time.

The only guys who are restless are the musical band guys for it is a very auspicious day for marriages and this lot has three appointments for the night. The astrologers in India ensure that certain days are declared most auspicious for marriages and getting married on this particular day apparently brings unlimited prosperity to the new couple. This is an added protection after getting the Horoscopes of the couple matched. That a majority of the marriages nowadays end up on the divorce table, is nobody's case, but since this is not a post on social issues, let us proceed. This 'auspicious' day has a particularly auspicious effect on the Pandits performing the ceremonies for they can charge exorbitant amount for the services, the same goes for the aligned sectors, musical bands, marriage houses, caterers, hotels, railways. In economics they call it the Domino effect. The musical band guys are anyway placated with assurance of extra payment and they are content.

Finally by 8:45 P.M the groom is ready and the marriage procession starts its journey towards the marriage house which is located around 1 km away. Since I am not invited to the high profile marriage parties which are held in swanky upmarket hotels I can only describe a marriage which take place in 'marriage houses' which is nothing else but a house with a lawn to hold a certain amount of people .

The procession is now on its way.

The musical band now strikes a beat with the tune "AAJ MERE YAAR KI SHAADI HAI", which is the immortal tune for all marriages. The song which was picturised on Shatrughan Sinha around 3 decades ago still remains the no. 1 spot for marriages and no North Indian marriage can be complete without it. But the purpose for which it is being played i.e the great North Indian marriage dance, fails to pick up. The friends and relatives of the groom are simply loafing around the procession. The groom apprehends disaster, "Will my marriage procession be like a funeral procession?" He mutters to himself. " Why have these idiots come ? Just to eat!" he is irritated to the hilt and calls one of his friends to his side, "Saalon khali khaane aaye ho kya? Yaad nahin tumhari shaadi mein main kitna naacha tha?" ( Have you people come to eat only? Don't you remember how much I danced in your marriages?) It appears that the groom was the resident Helen for marriages.

The friends column now begins to stir . Everybody is trying to drag the other to the dance floor it seems. But the response is not the most enthusiastic. Now the parents of the groom also start worrying about this lack of enthusiasm and start exhorting the relatives for some action of the Prabhudeva type. But the procession is most lethargic although it has occupied the major portion of the road and a traffic jam is slowly building up. In North India the govt. has by a secret order willed the entire road to marriage processions on these marriage days. These are the only days when even the cattle on the roads give up their inalienable right to roam around.

A massive traffic snarl is slowly building up behind this procession. The commuters caught in the jam start remembering the 'Maa-Behens' (mothers and sisters, another North Indian speciality) of the Baaratis. Since it is an auspicious day for marriages most of the commuters are themselves proceeding for some marriage or the other. They will themselves be blocking some road or the other very soon and will be at the receiving end of these abuses, but as long as you are the aggrieved party make the most of it.

One of the friends or cousin of the groom who is scared to death of the dancing ritual and is simply walking along with the baarat now takes over traffic management, thereby indicating his utility to this procession. This fellow makes sure that the groom and his parents notice this good samaritan act and for this purpose he manages the traffic from very near to the groom's car, all the while assuring the groom not to worry about anything. Not that the groom is worried about anything else besides the 'dancing' ritual, but even then this friend shows off his worth. That he himself becomes the target of the abuses thrown by the stranded commuters while managing the traffic is of a lesser concern to him than 'dancing'. Intermittently, he also proceeds towards the front of the baarat pretending to keep the baaratis and the musicians in a queue, so that everybody else also notices his contribution towards the well being of the baarat.

Meanwhile the fire cracker guys have started their job in earnest. Crackers, fluorescent lights are being lighted in the middle of the road. The people crossing the street take evasive actions, motorists stop to avoid the explosion and throw some more curses but what is a marriage procession without these fire crackers, guidelines of the govt. regarding noise pollution, hospitals , the sick, the elderly, be damned. After all "AAJ MERE YAAR KI SHAADI HAI".

The head of the family, usually the elder brother of the groom's father or some other elder walks proudly in front of the baarat, a shawl neatly folded and kept on his shoulder. In these days of nuclear and sub nuclear families, his importance is only nominal like the President of India, which is shown by his walking all alone, but even then he does not want to miss out on marriage food and some nominal ritual respect. Furthermore this marriage will give him an opportunity to crticise the arrangements on both ends, once he gets back home. It will be good fodder for months.

Suddenly the musical band hits jackpot with the immortal song from the movie UPKAAR, " JAHAN CHAUDI CHHATI VEERON KI" (Needs no translation). It is as if the entire brigade of friends and cousins have stepped onto a bed of nails, so vigorous is the dance movements. The marriage dance is completely different to any civilised form of dance anywhere in the world . The dancers put on a show as if there is no tomorrow, hands are flung about, some simply jump up and down, some take out their handkerchiefs and convert it into a beena of a snake charmer. Not to be left behind, some pretend to be snakes and imitate steps from Sridevi's movie Nagina . Some boisterous baaratis have by now clambered onto the shoulders of other fellow baaratis as if there is a wrestling match underway. The groom has now got a grin on his face and looks like a smug cat, the parents are also grinning from ear to ear.

The female baaratis have now been exhorted into action. But their dance steps are more routine and less vigorous for obvious reasons. Their dance ritual their forming a circle and lifting their hands together while moving around an imaginary circle. It is more of a refined "RING- A - RING-A-ROSES", but hey anything goes!! Some of the more healthy ones (Healthy as in highly overweight) join in by simply clapping their hands in encouragement. They are the female counterparts of our friend who is still managing the traffic and pretending to be overworked.

The Party has just started.

The traffic has by now come to a grinding halt, since these dance rituals ensure that a snail could outsprint this procession. But this is how it is supposed to be, isn't it? There is an ambulance with its sirens blaring, some fool had to fall ill today only. But like true sanskari Indian baaratis, the baarat refuses to give way. Maybe they are doing this guy a favour, for he will face hell at the hands of the doctor and his diagnosis and its accompanying paraphernalia which is modern medical science, so why not go to hell straightaway and save yourself the bother?

The baarat after nearly two hours of struggle nears the venue of the marriage. The bride is in the meanwhile getting herself recorded from various angles by the video photographer. It is mostly the profile of her in her bridal finery. This shot is mostly seen in the marriage C.D's in the form of 4 images of the bride juxtaposed around each other with stars all around and the song "EK LADKI KO DEKHA TO AISA LAGA". The great late R.D.Burman must be cursing himself for creating this song.

Anyway, the baaratis then spot the family of the bride waiting to receive them and all hell breaks loose. It is as if they have stepped onto a live electric wire after taking a bath. The dancing motions ( if you can call them that) increase in their ferocity and the movement of the baarat stops completely. It appears that their lives will end the moment they stop dancing, even Hema Malini was not dancing so desperately when Viroo was chained before Gabbar Singh. But this is the final frontier, so make it count.

The movement of the baarat has come to a complete halt.

Inspite of repeated requests of both the brides and the grooms father, the friends and cousins refuse to move forward and carry on with their aerobic exercises, oops... dancing. Every dancer seems to be pushing the other one around, so vigorous is the throwing up off hands. The musical band is playing all the songs in its repertoire for now money is being thrown around by various assortments of uncles of the groom. A baarat is a place where people who haggle for two ruppes with a rickshawaalah throw hundreds of rupees in the air without a care in the world.

Finally the dancers get physically exhausted and troop into the marriage hall to let the real proceedings begin. The marriage is now running around four hours behind schedule, but for us Indians who talk of a heritage of thousands of years and believe in Yugas which consist of millions of years, it is like one Nano drop in the ocean.

The groom is now sitting atop his 'throne' on the reception dais, surrounded by friends who have by now started ogling at the females present on the brides side. This is the courting time and it is no holds barred, whoever can first strike a conversation immediately leaves his friends behind for now these 'ruffians' (you cannot call them friends in front of females) now only have a nuisance value.

The next step in the marriage is the ceremony of garlanding of each other by the bride and the groom or the 'Jaymaal' as it is called. It is the most macho of ceremony for the groom for he refuses to bow down his head for the garlanding by the bride in an act of one upmanship, duly egged on by his friends. At times the bride has to be physically lifted to garland the groom amidst much clapping. The groom pays for this act for stupidity and buffoonery by bowing his head throughout the remainder of his life before his wife. So much so for macho man.

Now the photography session is formally inagurated on the reception dais . Everyone clambers onto the stage and surround the would-be-couple for a snap and if fortunate enough, for video photography. Not everyone gets his mug recorded by the cameraman, which is reserved for the special few. Anyway the photgraphs have a special pattern , the elderly stand in an Aashirwaad (blessing) giving posture, the friends surround the stage as if they have just won a sporting event, some even raise their fingers in the ubiquitous V sign, why..... well nobody knows, but that is the way it happens.

The carpets used on the ramp to the stage are so worn out from use that they defy the law of friction. People on the way up, especially females with their fashionable high heels cannot get a good grip on the carpet and feel a sliding motion, as if the earth is slipping beneath. But the risk of embarrassment due to falling in front of so many people makes them focus even harder, and they somehow manage to reach the summit. Human minds can do the impossible when under duress, and this definitely is one of them.

The food session is one of the best and most awaited events in the marriage. Most of the people are here for the food only, not necessarily for the sake of food but for criticising it, for the moment they step out of the marriage venue they start cribbing, "Accha nahin tha, is se accha to Sharmaji ke yaahan tha, samay barbad hua," ( Food was better and Sharmaji's place, what a waste of time). That they have hogged like a pig and that they said the same at Sharmaji's marriage, is well.. a matter of detail only. Since we Indians have given up on the communal system of feeding at marriages (not the secular-communal, you fools, but the communal where everyone sits together and food is served by family members) , in the similar manner in which we have given up on the joint family system, a queue immediately forms in front of the food stalls. Food is now served by the employees of the caterer, and the serving of a particular item they give at one go is so small that even an ant might die of starvation after eating it. The person who wishes more of the same looks with pleading eyes towards the server for more of it. The derision with which the second serving is provided makes the person receiving it wish that the earth would open up and swallow him , but the thought that he has brought an expensive gift makes him detremined to carry on.

Espresso coffee is also being served. This coffee is much in demand at the marriage ceremonies, more so because beneath an outer cooler layer of foam it is scathingly hot. Innumerable tongues are scalded which results in lesser consumption of food.

The best or the worst part of this queue system (depends on which side you are on) is that it is impossible to go back for a second helping once you have partaked the first round of food, because you will have to enter the queue from behind the last person, and if for example you want a second helping of the delicious chutney, you will have to cross fifteen stalls in a queue which is moving even slower than the baarat, for a bit of chutney. Most of the people, except the bravehearts do not even try.

But the most anticipated of all delicacies is the Ice cream, which is uniformly White in colour. Which flavour? Which Brand? Don't even ask ! Not even the caterer knows this secret. But everbody wants a bit of it. People from 8-80 make a beeline for it, inspite of the fact that the person serving ice cream will pretend that he is spending for it from his own pocket. The slices which are served are thinner than a finger and any attempt for a second serving will ensure sarcastic looks from the server, looks which rob you of dignity, self esteem .......in short Looks which could Kill. This is the item which is finished of the fastest and late comers who were till now saying, " Line khali ho to chalein" (Let the queue thin out) can only curse their luck. People who never spend a single paisa in eating ice cream rush the fastest to this counter and never complain of the size of the slice or the sarcastic looks of the caterer. People with sore throats and fever, convince their family " Ghar chal ke gargle kar lenge" ( will gargle after reaching home). But ice cream they must have !!

The macho youngsters in the meanwhile have no time for coffee and ice cream for they are busy with their Kingfishers and Vodkas. Vehicles accompanying the baarat are placed conveniently for this rendezvous. These macho guys enter the cars surreptitiously and take a swig of the Amrit (nectar) as they call it, and giggle like school girls. Liqour does strange things to the mind and soul, they say.

Meanwhile, the real event for which everyone has gathered i.e the Marriage has also begun unnoticed. The Pandit is chanting verses which nobody understands. Even the Pandit at times is confused as to whether he is chanting the correct mantra for the occasion or not. But since nobody is concerned he carries on nevertheless, vedic mantras and rituals have basically become a formality for authenticating the marriage, nothing more. Intermittently, someone from the groom's side interjects, "Panditji, jaldi kijiye" (Hurry up). This is the best part about Hindu religion, you can ask Panditji to hurry up. Imagine somebody asking the maulavi or the padre to hurry up. Boring people these Christians and Muslims, I tell you.

The bride and the groom give each other the coy look. The rest of the baaratis are sleeping or are on the verge of sleeping. Since the majority of the baaratis have left there are only around 10-15 people left on each side. Some of them are hanging around because they live far off and going home bedecked in jewellery late at night might not be the best ending after a sumptuous meal. There are these fellows who make a living out of snatching and robbing you see! That most of the jewellery adorning the females has its origins in another kind of loot (under the table kind) is besides the point.

Finally after the the rituals which nobody has paid heed to, the ceremony is over. People are woken up from slumber and it is bidaai time as dawn is breaking. The crowd has thinned out even further as day break ensures even more desertions. The father of the bride is by now haggling with the tentwalaahs.

Bidaai is a ritual which is most poignant, but by now everybody is so tired that it is best done and gotten over with. There are only 3-4 of the grooms blood relations and friends who are still accompanying him whereas the brides side consists of females only. The rest have simply disappeared. The weeping bride is bundled into the vehicle and waved off. The bride weeps for one day and makes the groom pay by making him weep for the entire life or maybe she weeps because she now visualises her bleak future after marriage to this fool.

This my friends is the Great North Indian Marriage. What afterwards?

Well let me borrow from the great philospher Socrates,

"My advice to you is to get married. If you find a good wife, you'll be happy; if not, you'll become a philosopher".