TERROR AT THE DOOR

" Trouble creates a capacity to handle it." --Oliver Wendell Holmes
Try telling this to the people of the country .As per news reports, 64,000 people have been killed in the country during the past 20 years , due to terrorist violence . And these are government statistics , the reliability of which need no elaboration . Sample the response from our system , "The people of Gujarat need to be commended for the patience shown ", so said the Prime Minister after the recent blasts in Ahmadabad. The story of patience , resilience, life getting back to normal the day after the blast (any city in the country) , has been flogged to death by the politicians and the media alike .The morning after any blast , the television channels are full of reporters standing with a busy street in the background, waxing eloquent about the 'spirit' of the people , the capacity to face adversity ,so on and so forth .It appears as if staying back at home will get him his bread and butter, and is any place safe in the country anymore?
26 bombs have been discovered in Surat during the past three days , from places like the back of hoardings , in front of a police station , stolen cars. Fortunately all were discovered and defused before they could explode . Coming in the backdrop of the explosions in Bangalore and Ahmadabad , the entire country is on an edge . However , it appears that the bombs in Surat were not meant to explode ,but to throw a red herring across the trail .Call me a cynic , but I have an eerie feeling that these terrorists have some other target in mind and this is just to throw the security agencies onto another trail .
The Police commissioner of Surat has admitted that bombs in such large numbers could not have been planted without local connivance.
Well Mr. Commissioner , it does not take an Einstein to decipher this , for whatever we might say about Pakistani involvement in terrorism in the country , the fact remains that the end users of the product supplied by Pakistan remain our citizens . Terrorism has never survived , and can never survive without local support . But the problem is that whether we can admit so through our
'secular' blinkers.Remember Sohrabuddin , the one who was eliminated by Gujarat police in an 'encounter' .The concerned police officer is in Jail , because apparently the encounter was a fake one , and the liberals ( we all know them) took umbrage .
Admittedly fake encounters remain a curse and should not be condoned .But is our legal system not to blame for this ? Afzal Guru , has been sentenced to death in the Parliament attack case , but is still far away from the gallows, for reasons best known to the Government. Geelani , the mastermind behind the attack was let off on the ground of 'lack of evidence' , and is today a noted liberal. However none of the liberals defending Sohrabuddin have been able to convincingly reply to the charge regarding his involvement in anti national activities .
As Col. Saito in the movie The Bridge on the River Kwai, said," Do not speak to me of rules . This is war ! This is not a game of Cricket."
Speaking of local involvement , an interesting incident needs to be narrated .
A few days back , a team of Rajasthan police arrested a local maulavi , who was also a teacher in a madarasa , in Varanasi, for his alleged involvement in the Jaipur blasts.The maulavi had apparently visited Jaipur a number of times in the past few months and had stayed there under various fake identities. The Rajasthan police team left Varanasi via road . The news of this arrest spread like wild fire , for this man belonged to very rich family who trade in Banarasi sarees. Hundreds of people belonging to his community congregated on the streets of Varanasi , and the entire city was brought to a halt ,due to their dharnas .All the main roads were barred for commuters. They were demanding the immediate release of this maulavi. The city administration reacted in the only way our bureaucrats can. First they looked on silently , and then the Rajasthan police team was forced to come back from Kanpur ( which is 6,7 hours away by train route) for a joint interrogation .Next day , the interrogation was carried out , with thousands of people of a particular community surrounding the building . The Maulavi was then released , apparently on the pledge of assisting the investigation .

Osama bin Laden should stop hiding in some God forsaken place . We welcome him to Indian hospitality ,no arrests guaranteed .
Let us see what the Surat police commissioner can do about this 'local support'.
The Home Minister and his deputy have again called for a Federal Investigating Agency, to combat this menace , as they have done after every such incident in the past .The progress made in this regard !!! Ask the home Minister , please.......
India which is the worst sufferer of terrorism, deals with terrorist activities with normal crime prevention laws , whereas countries which are half as affected as India have special terror prevention laws . U.S.A has incidentally not faced any terror attacks after 9/11.
India is facing an extremely sophisticated form of 'Urban Terrorism'. 'Dar ul harb(land of infidels) has to be converted into 'Dar ul Islam'(land of the believer).
In case of any doubt , the reader may get the facts straight from any Islamic website. The thought is not restricted to a select few , as was believed earlier , as can be seen from the rise in such nefarious acts . The terrorists are probing away at the country's defences, and believe me, they have faith in the nation's frailty.
The leaders are not bothered , after all , half the security forces have been assigned to protect them , and anyway the 'vote bank' needs to be placated . Isn't it fun to commend somebody who has lost a dear one for his patience and resilience , from behind a security shield of hundreds of commandos.The hypocricy is nauseating.
The Aam Aadmi has to get out of the mentality of lighting candles for peace , every time such incidents take place . Candles have to be replaced by torches ,torches which motivate , which energise and which drive away the darkness through its flame .The Maulavis of Varanasi and the Geelanis cannot be allowed to roam scot free, creating divisiveness in the society. The liberal muslims have to come forward and the black sheep identified .No longer can we keep on denying the involvement of local populace in terror related acts in the country.The house has to be set in order.

"The trouble with trouble is this , if you don't deal with your troubles and deal with them right away, troubles tend to multiply."---Greg Hickman

KAHANI YOUNGISTAN KI--II. FROM RENUNCIATION TO HORSE TRADING.

Although the story about Youngistan had ended with its destruction , it is prudent to narrate the story between the failure of the arrangement between the Pradhan Mantri and the Reds and the destruction of Youngistan , so that the readers get the entire turn of events in its correct perspective . Besides sequels are a good way of cashing in on the success of the originals .
Well ,the wily magician was already brewing various potions with a concoction of Lizard tails , rabbits whiskers and similar stuff, in order to save the Government of the Pradhan Mantri . Since he was now on the side of the Government , he had no fear of booked under the laws of prevention of cruelty to animals .
On the other hand , the Pradhan Mantri , that epitome of integrity had kept his side of one of the bargains he had entered into with the magician and his chief , who had for all practical purposes been obscured by the magician . The arch rival of the duo, i.e. the lady on the elephant had been booked under the prevention of cruelty to animals act . An age old case of procuring an elephant without the requisite permission was revived against her . The lady could not even cry wolf , for the fear that it might also be used against her .
But the lady who was one smart person , went straight ahead and aligned with the Reds against the Fire deal. She proclaimed that since the people of the kingdom were Fire worshippers and since the technology involved the production of fire by means other than the ones prescribed under the religious tenets , it was 'anti religion'.
The magician on the other hand couldn't be less bothered . With the lady distracted , he went for the kill , not by speaking in favour of the Fire deal but by getting the Pradhan Mantri to implement his 'personal agenda'.
In order to explain the 'personal agenda', we need to take a small detour in the story . Kindly bear with the story teller .
In the kingdom lived a very rich businessman , who in his youth worked as an attendant in a stable where he used to feed the horses . By dint of hard work or chicanery , as it pleases you , he worked his way up the social ladder and was included among the Navratnas of the kingdom . He dealt in clothes , especially sarees , drums used for communication , fodder for horses , and it was said that his fodder was good for 'horse power'. His business empire fell into disarray , once he passed away , for his successors , his two sons bickered over the spoils incessantly . Finally the empire was partitioned between the two sons , who in themselves were master manipulators .
The magician , who with his bag of tricks had worked himself into this business empire , was said to be the instigator of the conflict between the two brothers , sided with the younger brother .Both the brothers were the richest persons in the kingdom and owned huge tracts of land , thousands of Arabian horses and the best of luxury .
In order to cut down the elder brother to size , the magician asked the Pradhan Mantri to impose a special tax on the fodder business of the elder brother . Apparently , since the air quality in the vicinity of the fodder business of the elder brother had deteriorated because of chaffs of fodder , the tax was referred to as 'Wind Fall ' tax . Further , the magician advised the Pradhan Mantri to provide the younger brother permission to increase the size of the drums he was producing for communication purposes , which had been denied to other drum producers. That this could also result in rise in noise pollution , was no body's case really .
Never before in the annals of Youngistan had a Pradhan Mantri entered into such a patently family conflict , but then how many Pradhan Mantris before, had faced such predicament to save the government ? The Pradhan Mantri , with all the public posture about probity in public life had to save the Government , for he was assured that the Queen Mother would not give him a second opportunity .
In the meanwhile , the bartering prices continued to rise . The Aam aadmi was finding it difficult to make ends meet , but the Government had a separate agenda to attend to . Isn't it said that you get the government you deserve . After all ,hadn't the same Aam aadmi kept silent against injustice of all sorts for centuries . The chickens had come home to roost .
The magician went in for an overdrive . The chieftains were offered 500 hundred Arabian horses in lieu of their support to the government , initially . In a couple of days 1000 Arabian horses were being offered to each individual . It is said that the term 'HORSE TRADING' originated from this very act of the Pradhan Mantri .
The Queen Mother , as usual , was silent .'Goddammit', she thought to herself ,' when will the Yuvraj locate another speech writer ?' The kingdom was slipping away from her grasp by the machinations of the Pradhan Mantri and the magician , and she could not utter a word .
From 'renunciation' to 'horse trading', how the mighty have fallen . These observations emanating from the aam aadmi made the Queen Mother cringe , but then her virtue of silence had turned into a liability .
The cynics were having a ball , " What could she speak anyway ," they remarked . Some even went on to the extent of citing a Sanskrit saying ,'Maunam Sweekriti' (Silence is acceptance). Nobody knew the truth, which anyway was at a premium .
The silence of the Queen Mother was the least bit of concern for the Pradhan Mantri and his associates . They had to get the numbers , and get them fast . Some of the chieftains were now bargaining for creation of a separate province , some wanted 5000 Arabian horses .....the list was endless .
People in the streets stopped all work . All the conversation in the market square and temple courtyards revolved about numbers . Teachers in Gurukuls asked their shishyas to solve mathematical problems involving the numbers required for the government to survive this ordeal . Since every shishya came up with a different answer ,it was the origin of the theory of probability. At least something good evolved out of this mess, so said the gurus .
The magician ordered the drum beaters to confuse the people by sending out varying drum beats . A big ruckus was created by these drum beaters , and it seemed that the entire problems facing the kingdom would be resolved , if the Fire deal went through . Even an old scientist , who was respected throughout the kingdom , but had nothing to show for his credentials individually, was brought out of the closet to propagate the virtues of the fire deal . Incidentally , this scientist had been publicly humiliated by the Pradhan mantri and his government , just around a year back . But now his statements in favour of the deal were being touted by the magician , before the public.
The Aam Aadmi , who as it is was hungry , because of the rising barter prices , was absolutely confused. The saying ," Bhooke pet ,na bhaje Gopala" (you cannot worship on an empty stomach), seemed apt for the situation . But sice the Aam Aadmi would not raise his voice , nobody was concerned . He could very well starve to death , for all they cared . Saving the government was the only agenda on the table .
Confusedistan , which as usual was in disarray , could not let go of this golden opportunity . With the covert support of Alexander Dubya , it let in a stream of 'freedom fighters' into the province of Jannat , to create chaos in the province , as it had been doing for centuries .
These 'freedom fighters' were nothing else but rogues , whose agenda was to kill people ,destroy property and similar stuff , were another confused lot . Nobody knew whose freedom they were fighting for . It was a known fact that Jannat was better off with Youngistan , where they were a pampered lot , whereas aligning with Confusedistan would result in their submission before the rulers there (whoever they were, as it was still not clear), and withdrawal of all benefits . It appeared that these 'freedom fighters' had a proclivity for fighting, and since they dare not venture into Fightistan for this purpose , for the people there fought as a matter of hobby , and these 'freedom fighters' would be annihilated , Jannat was a better option .
But the Pradhan Mantri had no time for these trivial issues .
The magician now appeared at public squares and started giving speeches . Interestingly , not a word was uttered on the benefits of the Fire deal, instead , the monologue revolved around the 'wind fall tax', 'permission for building bigger drums for communication', which had been obtained from the Pradhan mantri .the danger posed by the lady and her elephant , the Reds and the Saffrons .At once such meeting , a hungry , confused person , raised a query, "but what about the Fire deal?"
The magician who had by then completely forgotten about the Fire deal, retorted,"What Fire deal?" Realising his mistake and listening to the snigger's of the public , the magician was embarrassed . But by then , the wrestlers accompanying him went berserk , and the thrashing that unfortunate man received ensured that nobody dared to raise the question again.
The magician also announced that he and his chieftain would support the present incumbent as the next Pradhan Mantri ,presumably over the claim of the Yuvraj .
This threw the Queen Mother into a tizzy. She was prepared to bear the slur of "from renunciation to horsed trading", throughout her life , but this was too much . After all the post of Pradhan mantri had been kept in waiting for the crowning of the Yuvraj , so meticulously by her . But this Pradhan Mantri and his new 'friend' , the magician seemed hell bent on thwarting her plans . The fact that she had become like the Aam Aadmi , in not speaking ,pricked her mind incessantly. Oh ! how she would have loved to have her speech writer back at this moment.
The Reds were not taking this 'chariot being Youngistan territory ' lying down . They called this 'betrayal', and launched a kingdom wide agitation . They too had plenty of drum beaters at their disposal , who did their bit, accentuating the confusion of the Aam Aadmi , who by now was on the verge of exasperation. The cacophony emanating from all these drum beaters was deafening . To top it all ,the Aam Aadmi had given up on any hopes of procuring edibles , for they had reached beyond his bartering capacity.
The Saffrons , well , this was bliss was for them. The Pradhan Mantri and the Reds had turned out to be their best friends , after all .The two were acting like the drum beaters for the Saffrons ,albeit unintentionally . If you could surge ahead without uttering a word , why spoil it . Although they made sure to keeep the pot boiling .
Alexander Dubya kept up the pressure on the Pradhan Mantri. Everyday smoke signals were received from Policestan .There was no way Dubya would give up on his legacy .
By the day when the fate of the Government was to be decided , chieftains were being procured for 7000 Arabian horses .
Whether the magician was able to work out his magic for the PradhanMantri and save his government or whether theReds or the Saffrons won ,is not important . The kingdom had lost out . The Aam Admi had lost faith in this system of governance . It was better to be ruled by despots and autocrats , they felt . The fissiparous tendencies started gaining ground . Jannat was Jannat, only in name . The rising cost of living coupled with the rich getting richer , spread discontent . Apathy , anarchy ruled the roost . The Aam Aadmi had vowed silence in the face of this anarchy , and his end came in silence . He was not defeated by any invading forces , but by his own apathy. You can fight a foreign invasion , but cannot fight an invasion of your mind , by forces like apathy , selfishness. The end was not sudden ,but gradual .
Today, not even the ruins of Youngistan remain . Confusedistan, Fightistan, Dubya .........well that is another story, which will be told some other day.

MORAL OF THE STORY:: IF YOU DO NOT LEARN FROM HISTORY , BE PREPARED TO REPEAT IT.

DISCLAIMER:;This is a work of fiction . But please do not ignore the moral of the story . Any resemblance to characters alive or incidences is unintentional and merely coincidental.

KAHANI YOUNGISTAN KI

Once upon a time , in circa 1 A.D, in a kingdom called Youngistan , lived a Queen Empress who was also called the Queen Mother , by her loyal subjects . God had showered all his blessings on Youngistan , which was surrounded by mountains on one side and sea on the other three. The kingdom was rich in natural resources , plenty of natural water provided by the glaciers in the mountains and a pleasant weather . The people of Youngistan were God fearing and generally amiable in nature . God had really been kind to this kingdom.
The people of Youngistan had evolved a methodology of running the affairs of the kingdom. Although the kingdom was under the benign suzerainty of the family to which the Queen Mother belonged , it used to elect a leader known as the Pradhan Mantri to run the kingdom along with other mantris , for a period of five years . It was a predecessor of modern day democracy .
In contrast , in the neighbouring kingdom,Confusedistan , there was no such system to run the kingdom . In fact nobody in Confusedistan knew the identity of the person in charge . Some thought that the King was in charge , some thought that the army or the secret agents were in charge , some paid obeisance to the religious leaders , who practised more of politics rather than religion . Therefore , it appears that the founding fathers of the kingdom had named it aptly.The common agenda which bound together Confusedistan , was the pathological hatred towards Youngistan and the desire to bleed it to death through a thousand cuts policy .
Just across the borders of Confusedistan was Fightistan , where the national past time was decapitating people and flogging women . Apparently even the gladiators of the Roman empire had refused to fight the people of this kingdom ,for you cannot compete against a person indulging in his hobby .Youngistan was at peace with Fightistan.
In a far away kingdom, which could only be reached through a journey of months on horseback , lived the Universal Warrior, Alexander Dubya , who wanted to rule over the entire world , but was scared to travel ,lest he fall of at the end of the world . You see he had no knowledge about the earth being round . Basically , he had no knowledge about anything. But Dubya was a first rate warrior and his kingdom, Policestan had developed flying objects which spat fire and stones , and through which he defeated, or at least, fought everybody.

But since this a story about Youngistan , we will stick to it .
Now the system of governance in Youngistan ensured that everybody apart from the Queen Mother, wanted to be the Pradhan Mantri . The Queen Mother was an epitome of renunciation , and the people simply adored her for being so . A few nasty people talked about her renunciation as an art of self preservation , since she could not govern anyway, and that she wanted to ensure the Kingdom to her Yuvraj , i.e. her son ,but then nobody paid any heed to them.
There were two other groups of people apart from the loyalists to the family of the Queen Mother , who were vehemently opposed to the family of the Queen Mother ,and wanted to be the Pradhan Mantri themselves . They were the Saffron and the Red groups .The Reds worshipped Gods who belonged to other foreign kingdoms , and cared two hoots for the Gods of Youngistan . Well they cared two hoots for any other ideology also .The Saffrons , on the other hand thought that they had a monopoly over nationalism and similar stuff.
During one such change over of governance ,the loyalists of the Queen Mother , gained control in alliance with other regional satraps , who always wanted to be the Pradhan Mantri themselves but lacked the strength to do so .Even this conglomeration was not sufficient to rule the kingdom , so the Queen Mother approached the Reds for help. The Reds , who were sick and tired of being the eternal bridesmaid readily agreed .A deal was apparently worked out ,the details were kept confidential , but the people just wanted to run their usual lives , so were not bothered .
The Queen Mother however faced a dilemma regarding appointing the Pradhan Mantri , since the loyalists , as a matter of tradition left this job of selecting the Pradhan Mantri, on the Queen Mother .They did not choose a leader by themselves .
The Queen Mother had to choose between a leader who was a master craftsman and had a tendency to divide people on the basis of Varnas , economic basis etc. The other, was a leader who spoke in a strange language which nobody ,except a few understood . For example , 'sit' was referred to as 'shit'. But the problem was that both of them were extremely ambitious , and the queen mother apprehended that the seat might not be vacated when Yuvraj was ready (throne she had kept for herself).

Finally another elderly mantri was located for the job . This guy was submissive , spoke very little ,harboured no ambitions . In effect , the ideal loyalist. To top it all , the man had unimpeachable integrity,his honesty was his calling card. He would give up all , whenever the Queen Mother desired .
Everything proceeded smoothly for three year after this anointment .People or the Aam Aadmi were happy , Reds were happy (they never showed it , but that is the way they were ), the Saffrons were sulking ,their leaders were getting old . You cannot become Pradhan mantri after you die, can you?
But God has a nasty sense of humour.
The price of everyday items started rising,slowly at first ,and then dramatically . A bag of wheat which was bartered at the expense of a goat (1A.D,remember) ,now got you two healthy cows . Vegetables got you a large tract of land . You had to pay 10 cows ,in order to travel to a neighbouring province .The people started getting disgruntled , the Pradhan Mantri asked the people to desist from scare mongering . The Queen Mother stayed silent . The saffrons smelled an opportunity ,while the Reds protested habitually . They threatened withdrawal of support , but were convinced to stay put by the Pradhan Mantri , over a glass of Som Ras.
In the meanwhile , the Pradhan Mantri got into a deal with Alexander Dubya over the use of FIRE. The Pradhan Mantri assured the kingdom that this deal will solve all the energy crisis facing Youngistan , streets could be lighted throughout the night , students in Gurukuls would have ample of fire to help them in their studies. in brief ,Youngistan could become heaven on earth .
Although Fire had been invented a few centuries back ,Policestan had evolved a technology wherein you could light fire without rubbing stones . But the technology was to be transferred at a price .Subsequent to transfer of this advanced technology , Youngistan was prohibited from using this technology in making fire tipped arrows , for war purposes . Youngistan could not even test these arrows . On the other hand Policestan had the biggest arsenal of such fire tipped arrows .

The Reds , who were itching to ditch the government of the Pradhan Mantri , as they feared anti-incumbency working against them due to abnormal rise in bartering prices , seized this moment. The Reds per se had no qualms about this deal ,but were opposed to any kind of deal with Dubya and his kingdom ,notwithstanding the fact that most of their offsprings went to Policestan for higher studies,instead of going to Takshashila or Nalanda in the country called Bharat, which at that point of time were the most sought after Universities . If the same deal had been struck with the kingdoms , who worshipped the same Gods as the Reds did , the Reds would have referred it as an 'historic agreement'.
The saffrons on the other hand would have supported the deal if they would have been in power, opposed the deal on the plea that they could not be restrained from developing the Fire tipped arrows .
The Queen Mother ,as usual had no comments to offer . The cynics claimed that she could not differentiate between a normal or a fire tipped arrow . Some said that since the time was fit to anoint Yuvraj as the Pradhan Mantri , she wanted the system to collapse . But the Queen Mother remained mum .
In the meanwhile things were deteriorating in the kingdom. Things had reached a stage where the champion wrestler stopped wrestling for the kingdom, and wrestled in exhibition matches only, for the sake of the prize money of Wheat and Cows.
The province of Jannat was aflame , since as they claimed that the people of the rest of the kingdom were hell bent on changing the demography of the province ,while visiting the province for religious purposes .
But the Pradhan Mantri was engrossed in his shadow boxing with the Reds and couldn't care less. Anyway , the kingdom of Confusedistan had been involved in fanning the fires of secession in the province for hundreds of years and nobody had been able to do anything about this .So why even bother .Let the province burn or so they thought .His turn at governance was nearing its end , and there was no surity as to whom the Mother Queen will appoint next.

In the meanwhile , soldiers of Youngistan guarding the traders of Youngistan were attacked in Fightistan, leading to some of them losing their lives . The attack was apparently instigated by the perrenial rival Confusedistan.As usual a few homilies were said , promises to despatch a few warriors on chariots to bring back the dead were made . None of the mantris deemed it fit to go to Fightistan and accompany the bodies of the dead .
By now Alexander Dubya was pressing hard . He wanted the deal and wanted it fast. Being a Universal warrior ,he cared little for the niceties of appeasement and wanted immediate sealing of the Fire deal .
The Reds were furious and demanded that the Pradhan Mantri make his position on the deal latest by the full moon day .They would be eagerely awaiting the message through drum beats .
The Pradhan mantri set out for the Squintisland to meet Dubya ,on his favorite chariot . Enroute he signalled the drum beaters to let the Reds have it , the moment he crossed the borders of Youngistan.
The Reds were furious . How could the Pradhan Mantri take a policy decision on foreign soil. And furthermore , the full moon day was two days away . This was betrayal , they said .
Betrayal ,My foot! said the sycophants in the loyalist camp , which incidentally was full of them . Don't the reds know that the Pradhan Mantri's chariot was always the territory of Youngistan, so technically the Pradhan mantri was on Youngistan's soil , and besides why wait for full moon day , you can have it right now . They further claimed that the reds were acting in an irresponsible manner in the face of the attack in Fightistan. That none of the Mantris had visited the families of the dead , was again , nobody's case.
The Reds were in a tizzy. They were made to look like fools by this 'chariot being territory' bit. Besides ,they realized that the rising cost of barter was a better handle to hit the loyalists with , rather than the Fire deal. But they could no longer continue with arrangement anymore .
The saffrons , who as it is owned the nationalist part , smelled blood and went for the kill.
The Queen Mother , had by now practiced the art of keeping mum into perfection.Besides ,her speech writer had absconded with his dasi .It seemed better to remain quiet and let people keep guessing about your ignorance , rather than opening your mouth and confirming their views.

But the cockiness of the docile and comatose Pradhan Mantri was not without reason .
The wily magician who apparently served but in reality owned a local satrap, was back in business . This magician , who claimed to be 'immortal', had been ignored by the Queen Mother at the banquet to celebrate the appointment of the Pradhan Mantri four years ago, had sworn vengeance , and had spent the major part of the period ,in abusing the Queen Mother and the Yuvraj,had pledged his support to the embattled Pradhan Mantri.
The magician was a mysterious figure . Nobody knew the origin of his immense wealth for he wore designer Angvastram, and his best friend was the most famous entertainer in Youngistan.This friendship drew smirks from everybody around , but the duo were not bothered.
This support to the Pradhan Mantri, was not being done as a favour by the local chieftain and his magician .
Another local satrap in their province ,a lady,who showed a proclivity towards riding an elephant ,had gained immense strength in the province and had driven the chief and his magician away .She was a lady who was supposed to have control over the supernatural powers, was thought of as an 'illusion'. Nobody knew whether she existed in reality or not .
Illusion or otherwise , the magician and his boss were scared to death of this lady .Some years ago ,they had tried to do a Draupadi on her and tried to disrobe her . Now she was hunting for them and had claimed the two would be hung at the stake , if she got hold of them , or maybe even crushed under her elephant . Everybody knew that this lady meant business.
The magician had bargained that the Pradhan Mantri would book this crazy lady under the prevention of cruelty to animals act ,and seize her elephant . This would save them from being crushed under the elephant anyway.Further ,the magician wanted the Pradhan Mantri to give concessions to his friends who owned the guild , manufactured clothes ,especially sarees,built drums for the purpose of communication etc.

The Pradhan Mantri was in a win-win situation .He had been relieved of the burden of carrying the Reds , who were a nuisance anyway .He could continue for a few months longer for he knew that the Queen Mother would not renominate her ,and could create conditions to ensure that the Yuvraj never got the post . It was revenge time for him too. For years everybody had made fun of his servility. It was payback time.
Alexander Dubya was happy . Now History would treat him as a statesman apart from a warrior. He had reined in the ambitions of Youngistan , which was growing too big for its boots .Absence of the Fire tipped arrows ensured that Youngistan would always look towards Policestan in askance ,in every crisis.
Everybody had gained from the crisis.The Pradhan Mantri for reasons already elaborated,the Reds ,for now they could tell the people that they could continue no longer in the arrangement due to rise in barter price. That they were a part of the problem for four years , happy with the Som Ras ,was nobody's case really . The Saffrons , for the people had developed a soft corner for them , without making any efforts . It was like manna from heaven.The Magician and his boss , for from being thrown out of a banquet , now they were the banquet . The local chieftains, for their bargaining power would increase in the next arrangement. Maybe somebody out of them could become the Pradhan Mantri, next time around.
Queen Mother , well nobody knew her side of the story ,since her speech writer had not come back and the Yuvraj was away watching a wrestling match.He hardly spoke anything worthwhile anyway.
Well the province of Jannat remained hell ,batering price for a sack of wheat increased to 100 Arabian horses, Fire was available in even less quantity , Confusedistan increased its policy of bleeding Youngistan through a million cuts, for its confidence was on the upswing . The more the things change , the more they remain the same , or so they say.
The common people of Youngistan remained quiet , as they had always done . The Senapatis,the Scientists ,the Vaidyas,the Officers serving the kingdom ,would not utter a word ,for the fear of losing losing their jobs. Kingdom be damned.In private ,they would make big claims of morality and ethics and the requirement of speaking out against injustice , but in public , mum was the word.
A few years later , the kingdom of Youngistan broke up into various provinces , after great blood shed . Hundreds of Aam Aadmi , who had kept silent in the past for fear of their jobs , were massacred . The leaders , as usual survived .

MORAL OF THE STORY: SILENCE IS NOT ALWAYS GOLDEN.

DISCLAIMER: This is a work of fiction . Resemblance to any living person or incidents is purely unintentional and co incidental. The moral of the story stays.

KASHMIR, THE TRAGEDY

“ IF THERE IS HEAVEN ON EARTH IT IS HERE , IT IS HERE - Emperor Jahangir on Kashmir .

This couplet seemed so far off to the Kashmiri policeman , who was being thrashed by an angry mob on the streets of Srinagar , as indeed it has seemed to the security personnel of both the army and other para military personnel who serve their posting in the valley , for more than two decades now .

For me , who grew up with images of the cine star Shammi Kapoor yoodelling away in Kashmir , in innumerable movies or with the image of Sharmila Tagore in and as Kashmir Ki Kali or for that matter Amitabh Bachchan in the movie Bemisaal , with the song “ Kitni khoobsoorat yeh zamin hai , …..yeh Kashmir hai , yeh Kashmir hai ,” the image of the helpless policeman being thrashed mercilessly , which appeared in the newspapers , a couple of days ago , is another reminder of the hell Kashmir has been transformed into .

The reason for this brutal assault was the culmination of the protests against the decision of the Jammu and Kashmir govt. to transfer 39.88 hectares of forest land to the Shri Amarnathji Shrine Board to erect pre fabricated structures for temporary accommodation of pilgrims on the Amarnath yatra . Pertinent to mention that the Amarnath yatra proceeds for two months every year , so these temporary structures are to be taken down after being used for two months .

The response of Syed Ali Shah Geelani of the Hurriyat Conference –“This will alter the demographic character of our state”, he thundered at a recent rally in Srinagar , he further went on , “ I caution my nation that if we do not wake up now , India and its stooges will succeed and we will lose our land forever.”

Incidentally , Geelani who is an outright proponent of Kashmir acceding to Pakistan , still draws the pension he gets from the consolidated fund of India , in his capacity as an ex-M.L.A . Readers might wish to brush up on the definition of hypocricy and double standards . This time around , I will not oblige them with the definition .

And the reaction of the Indian state:

The newly appointed Governor N.N.Vohra , in his capacity as chairman of the Shri Amarnathji Shrine Board , drops the land transfer request and requests the state government to take over the yatra arrangements , thereby making the transfer of land as null and void .

Please brush up on the definition of appeasement also , while you are it , dear readers .

That the transfer of land had been approved by the coalition govt of PDP and the Congress , and the fact that after approving the decision as part of the cabinet , the same PDP withdrew its support to the government , is nobody’s case . We in Indian polity have lost the respect for the collective decision of the cabinet a very long time back . Remember the charade in Karnatka , a few months back .

But the implications in Kashmir of an event of such magnitude , are very different from the rest of the India, as our enlightened political commentators keep reminding us . Indeed respected sirs, where else do we get reminded as the state being “their nation” as Geelani reminded us .

Well even though nothing emanating out of Kashmir surprises anybody , but this takes the cake . In a state of the country ( I seek forgiveness from Geelani sahib for referring to Kashmir as such , He might send his ‘freedom fighters’ after me ) , where nobody except the Kashmiris are allowed to buy a piece of land , thanks to Article 370 in the constitution of India , Geelani is scared of the demography being changed by temporary arrangements for pilgrims for two months in a year .

How ? Well who has the time to ask such questions . You might have a few Mujahideens knocking at your doors .

Well maybe Geelani and his cohorts , including the presumably ‘secular’ Omar Abdullah , whose father , Farooq, struts around the country in his capacity as member of BCCI ( cricket board) , Mehbooba Mufti of the PDP , who interestingly , refers to her father Mufti Mohd . Sayed in every alternate sentence ( remember him , readers , the same man who while he was the minister of state for home affairs under V.P. Singh , ensured the release of five terrorists in lieu of his kidnapped daughter ) , have an idea of demography change , since lakhs of Kasmiri Pandits were driven away from Kashmir with their complicity , resulting in an ‘ethnically pure’ Kashmir . So who better than these people to be scared of ‘demographic change’.

The tragedy of Kashmir can be traced back to 1947 and the decision regarding accession . Maharaja Hari Singh , encouraged by the indulgence of the British and Pandit Nehru , who himself had an underlying soft corner for Kashmir , vacillated on the decision to integrate with either India or Pakistan , presumably because he wanted to remain independent , but apparently because he wanted to drive a hard bargain .

The Pakistanis were in no mood to oblige , and true to its style , sent in thousands of its army regulars as tribals into Kashmir , in a bid to forcibly accede it to Pakistan . Maharaja Hari Singh , at this stage was still in a fix , but the pillage and loot , indulged in by the Pakistanis , forced his hand , and he hurriedly acceded to India. Field Marshall Manekshaw , who was present at the meeting convened by Pandit Nehru to discuss the accession request from The Maharaja, had an interesting anecdote to narrate regarding the meeting :

“ Jawaharlal kept on talking about the U.N , Africa, Europe , God Almighty . Sardar Patel finally got exasperated , and said, Jawahar Lal do you want to obtain Kashmir or not ? Jawharlal said that he did want Kashmir , to which the Sardar replied , Then please pass your orders.”

This incident sums up the vacillating approach the Indian state and its polity has adopted towards Kashmir , ever since .

Anyway , following the P.M’s orders , the Indian army landed in the valley and wrested the state from the Pakistani grip, at great expense . But the moment India gained an upper hand , Mountbatten , in his capacity as Gov. Gen and Chairman of the newly created defence council , engaged in deceit at the behest of his masters in London , and convinced Nehru to refer the issue to U.N . The Indian army which was on the verge of driving away the Pakistanis , stopped in its tracks , and the rest , as they say , is history .

The role of the U.N , the issue of plebiscite , the Indian stand of the Pakistani army withdrawing to pre 1947 days ………..the list is endless .

Then came the biggest blunder of them all …..ARTICLE 370 , of the constitution .

Apparently , in the wisdom of the leaders , Kashmir was , well…’different’ and therefore needed special treatment . Why ? Well we in India neither demand explanations nor expect one .

Therefore a non Kashmiri cannot buy land in Kashmir , the laws of the land do not apply to Kashmir , unless and until the state govt. ratifies it , and so on and so forth . Can we really blame Geelani for referring to Kashmir as ‘their nation’. Did our leaders at any point of time really wanted a complete integration of the state into the country ? Pray tell me , as to what makes Kashmir ‘special’ compared to say Chattisgarh or Arunachal Pradesh or a Tamil Nadu ? Things have reached such a stage where it is taboo to talk about Article 370 , for raising questions regarding its essentiality is liable to get one branded ‘communal’.

The drift in Kashmir continued ever since 1947 , for our leaders and bureaucrats (that unholy nexus ) could not make up their collective mind on which leader to support and whom to oppose , sometimes it was Shaikh Abdullah , sometimes Mohd. Ghulam Bakshi , sometimes Farooq Abdullah and sometimes G.M. Shah . A game of musical chair went on and so did a systematic loot of the resources of the state . The secessionist leaders and the polticians ,who are raising such a hue and cry over allotment of land to the shrine board , should also verify about the extent of the exploitation of forest trees in the state to build the majestic farm houses of some of these leaders also.

The Indian state has remained a mute spectator , while the state drifted away . Pro Pakistan slogans were raised throughout the stadium in Srinagar , when India played the West Indies , in a one day international match , way back in 1983 . Incidentally , India had just recently won the world cup . The Indian players were heckled .

New Delhi , remained silent .

The drift continues .

In the recent agitation , the grand mufti of Kashmir , Mufti Bashiruddin , raised Pro Pakistan slogans ,in full public view . The same mufti draws his salary from the Govt . The PDP of Mufti Mohd. Sayed and Mehbooba Mufti , during the last assembly elections , was openly supported by the cadres of the terrorist outfit , the Hizb –ul-Mujahideen , who eliminated the supporters of the National Conference of Farooq Abdullah . Not to be left behind , the National Conference has reportedly taken the lead in mobilsing the agitation , this time around . With the assembly elections around the corner , there is a great fight amongst the parties to secure the support of you know who ....

Do not expect New Delhi to speak .

Interestingly the life span of an elected assembly in J&K is six years , compared to five years for the rest of the country . The effects of article 370, you see. After all , this state has ‘special’ needs .
Any child psychologist will tell you that the requirements of a child in his formative years are special , and that the child need special attention of its mother . But if the mother prolongs the ‘special’ needs of the child when he has crossed the formative years , rest assured that the child will grow up as a stunted individual , who will keep clamouring for those ‘special’ needs , throughout his life .
Kashmir , it appears has been developed into one such child .
The ability to maintain our silence has cost the nation dear . The inhumane manner in which the Kashmiri Pandits were hounded out of their home and hearth , has parallels with only the genocide of the Jews in Nazi Germany . As the threats were being issued openly from the loudspeakers installed in the mosques , the Pandits were at times given one hour to leave their homes . Even then they were not allowed to take their belongings , and the women folk brutally raped and harassed . Imagine being driven out of your home , where your family has lived for centuries and that too under these circumstances . One of the leaders of these marauders was Yasin Malik , the latest entrant to Gandhigiri . The way this great man is treated by our 'liberals’ is an exercise in duplicity .
New Delhi obviously never speaks , but the shame is that neither did we , the common men .
Thousands of Kashmiri pandits still live in refugee camps in various parts of the country , trying to come to grips with reality . As they do not constitute a vote bank , why bother !!
To hear the Geelanis and the Mehbooba Muftis speak of ‘demographic change' , in view of a yatra of two months, is , well……..
For years we have been fed on a diet of the virtues of ‘Kashmiriyat’ , and its apparently ‘secular’ outlook , by our media. Even today we are being provided stories of Kashmiris feeding the yatris . No reference is ever made to the outpourings of ‘our land ‘ , ‘our nation’ which also emnates from these very people . Furthermore , with the treatment of the Kashmiri Pandits and the ethnic cleansing , you decide for yourselves .
The attack on the policeman , referred to in the first column and which appeared in the newspapers , was not an attack on an individual but an attack on the Indian State . The same state instead of imposing the rule of law appears powerless to react . The Governor , who represents the Central Govt . ,withdraws the request for the land for the shrine board . All concerned claim moral victory . The only entity which loses , is the country .
It appears that we refuse to learn from history .

“ I believe it is Peace for our Time .” –Neville Chamberlain , after the Munich Pact with Hitler in 1938. the results of the ‘peace’ need no elaboration

Before signing off , I wish to take this opportunity to pay my tributes to Field Marshall Sam Manekshaw , who has been an inspiration . His integrity , forthrightness

and nationalism has and will always remain a guiding light . I consider myself too small a man to discuss his achievements , but the fact that the defence minister did not attend his funeral , due to 'political preoccupations , in view of the unfolding political scenario', and the Chief of the Army Staff could not make it because he was 'in Moscow' , gives us ample hints about the fact that Sam Bahadur was a real MAN , who cared for the truth and nothing else . Wish we had more of the breed , so that this blog would not be required .

MAY HIS SOUL REST IN PEACE .

SHERLOCK HOLMES AND THE INDIAN MYSTERY

WITH APOLOGIES TO SIR ARTHUR CONAN DOYLE

In order to bring an end to the Arushi Talwar investigation , the CBI decided to take the assistance of Scotland Yard , who on their part offered the services of Sherlock Holmes and his assistant Dr. Watson . The Indian authorities also depute an Indian Detective to assist Holmes .
The assistance of Sherlock Holmes was supposed to be a Confidential matter , since the political parties of all colours and hues might take it as an affront to Indian sovereignty .
True to the Indian tendency to keep a secret , nearly half of the country's media lands at the airport to greet Holmes on his arrival . Holmes is shocked beyond description , but the tenacious media people thrust their mikes and recorders into his face , hoping for a byte . Questions are put forward from all corners , " Mr. Holmes , how does it feel to be in India for the first time ?" , " Mr. Holmes , who killed Arushi and Hemraj?", " Mr. Holmes , who is your favorite Indian Cricketer ?" . Even poor Dr. Watson is not left alone , " Dr. Watson , will you be visiting the Taj Mahal ?".
Somehow , the authorities whisk away the duo , who true to their Professional approach , want to visit the site of the crime straightaway . The Indian detective is amused at this request . " Arre sahib , you have just come , first let's go to the hotel , rest-vest kijiye , have chicken-vicken . We will visit the place tomorrow ."
Holmes insists on visiting the crime site immediately, and being the personality he is , he prevails .
On arrival at the site of the crime , the same bunch of media personalities again accost the duo . Wizened by the experience of the airport , they proceed towards the house , accompanied by the media with the lights of their cameras flashing , triumphantly .
Holmes could hear voices in the background , " As you see Sherlock Holmes has just arrived at the crime site , and our sources in the police department tell us that the murderer will be exposed in a couple of hours." " Aapko bata de ki Arushi ka hatyara ab jyada der bach nahi sakta ." " Our sources tell us that Dr. Watson is a big fan of Indian food and has ordered Hyderabadi Biryani for dinner . "
The media personnel insist on entering the house along with Holmes and Watson , but Holmes puts his foot down and the local authorities comply , grumbling , " Saale samajhte kya hain , How can you investigate without the media around ? I had told my wife to watch me on TV tonight , but this Holmes fellow has spoilt everything ." The media people stage an impromptu dharna against denial of their rights and foreign conspiracy .
In the privacy of the house , Holmes who is thorough to the minutest detail , and had studied all there is to know about the case , asks the Indian detective , " So , tell me about the case right from the time you arrived after the murder . "
The detective , still glowing from the sound byte he had been able to offer to the media in the melee , replies , " Right after I got the news , I reached this place within half an hour and saw a few of media friends roaming outside the building and asked for directions ."
"Directions!!", Holmes is startled , " What do you mean directions ?"
"Arre sahib , how do I reach the place without directions , this is not your country where every beat constable knows the way around the entire area . We are such a big country and furthermore our people mostly keep a lookout at the Nukkad , as that is where the trucks pass through illegally and the Hafta has to be obtained . The truck drivers are such cheats , you see , they will never pay your share if you are not present there ."
" Anyway , I had to push my way into the house as the entrance was completely blocked by my media friends."
" At least the media guys had not entered the house and somebody had the common sense to keep them outside ", Holmes sighs.
" No , No sir , the only ones who remained outside where the ones who could not enter the due to the crowd of media personnel . Actually , I was shown the room where the murder took place by my friend from XYZ channel only ," the detective went on .
Dr. Watson , on hearing this , nearly fainted , even Holmes felt giddiness . " You really don't mean what you say . I mean you need to seal the area to look out for evidences , don't you ?" Holmes sounded irritated .
" Haan , that is what they say in the books ," The detective went on , " but we are a democracy sir , that is good for you whites , we have to look out for the aspirations of everybody ."
"Don't teach me about democracy young man " Holmes said , " I believe that nothing was tampered at the site and forensic evidence was neatly collected by the Professionals ."
" Yes sir , we are very competent people , even our media friends helped us out . My friend from XYZ channel ( who showed me the room ), gave me the items lying there, and he also switched on the computer in the room and showed me a few files stored in the computer ." " If you promise not to tell anybody , he accidentally deleted a few files ."
" Good heavens !" said Holmes , "don't you guys know that the basics of investigation are to preserve the site where the crime had been committed in exactly the state it had been found. Otherwise vital evidence is lost which proves crucial in deducing the crime."
" Anyway , how did you recover the body of the servant , whom you were suspecting in the first place ?" Holmes enquired .
" Arre sahib , what to tell you , there is this retired police fellow living in the neighbourhood ( always poking his nose into the affairs of others ) , who came over to offer his condolences , and saw blood stains leading to the roof . He insisted that the roof be opened and found the body there ." The detective added .
" Ok , fine , so what did you see on the roof ?" Holmes enquired .
The detective sounded sheepish , " Kya sahib , I was not even there , I saw the news of discovery of the body on the TV , and rushed there ." " My friend from XYZ channel with all the other channel guys did not let me get to the roof , until they had finished describing the bloodied handprints on the roof. A few were comparing sizes of the handprint with their hand size ."
" Good Lord, no wonder you guys do not catch anybody , be it the terrorists who roam free throughout your country , murderers or for that matter petty criminals ," Holmes went on .
The detective retorted immediately , " No sahib , in this case we did . The father is the murderer and we have arrested him ."
" Yes , I know about his arrest , but tell me , what evidence convinced you about the identity of the criminal , and please tell me , what is this honour killing you guys talk about ? " , Holmes enquired .
The detective was pleased as a punch , since he felt he had shut this firang for good. Clearing his throat , he went on , "Actually , the incident was described beautifully by our I.G. , Gurudarshan Singh in his press conference . The father was having an affair with a female colleague , which Arushi knew but did not like . She herself was close to her servant , Hemraj , and was caught in an objectionable position by her father . The father who also was characterless , got enraged and killed both of them . After all , ghar ki izzat ka sawaal tha . And Sahib , honour killing is a novel concept in the northern part of the country , since these girls nowadays have no respect for their parents , all due to MTV , they do not care for their family and you see ...."
The detective gets very uncomfortable while describing what exactly these disrespectful girls do , but somehow blurts out " lafda chala leti hain , start having an affair with a person of humble background ,sir." The parents , in order to maintain the honour of their family , then kill them."
Dr. Watson , nearly spat out the water he was drinking . Sherlock is aghast , " What !!!! Kill their child to maintain 'honour' ?" " What kind of society you guys have , you guys commit female foeticide , dowry burning and talk of honour ! And what do you mean ......they are characterless."
But since his brief was to investigate the murder , Holmes maintained his composure and enquired , " Ok , but tell me about the evidence based on which you arrested the doctor ".
" What evidence ?" The detective sounded irritated . " we in India do not look for evidence , we do not have so much time . That is a western concept . We simply presume a theory and arrest everybody who fits the bill . After that our interrogation techniques (chuckles) ensure that the person admits to the crime , because he feels it better to serve a prison sentence , rather than face our techniques", the detective smirked .
Holmes was exasperated by now , looking towards Watson , he said " Watson remeber one of my cases , where I remarked, that it is a capital mistake to theorize before one has data . Insensibly one begins to twist facts to suit theories , intead of theories to facts ."
Looking towards the detective , who looked offended by Holmes's remarks , he asked ," what next , Mr. detective ?"
" Arre , we have subjected him to a narco test , where the accused man is interrogated under the influence of a drug", the detective replied and went on "everybody connected with the case has also been sujected to a lie detector test. we now plan to include the neighbours , the locality grocer , the cable man to such tests ."
" Narco analysis , but that is not scientific , although charlatans project it as one , to suit their needs, and besides , it is not admissible as evidence," Holmes said.
" Arre sahib ," the detective laughed , " who wants evidence , do the courts not know about this , do they ever object ? Besides it is fun to watch the narco analysis examination on TV."
Watson was puzzled , "TV!, is it not a confidential interrogation ? I mean if it becomes public, the investigation might be compromised ."
" So what , at least the TRP ratings of the channels go up . I sold the narco analysis tape of Abu Salem to my friend from XYZ channel, and boy was it fun to watch the gangster being subjected to interrogation . You ask questions and the supply the answer , the guy who is on a drug induced semi conscious state merely repeats what you say . For example , you ask him the name of his intended victim and say as to whether it was Subhash , and slap him gently a couple of times and repeat the procedure . The guy simply repeats the name and the news channels announce that he wanted to kill Subhash Ghai (film director and producer) . What fun na?"
Holmes is disgusted by now and wants to take the first flight back home , but his sincerity prevails, and he continues , " Have you been able to recover the intrument through which the murder was committed , any other accomplices ?"
" Yes, yes we have arrested the compounder , since the doctor was not speaking too much even in narco analysis , and our bosses think that the compounder had a grudge against the doctor or maybe he was the one having the affair , " the detective said .
" For heavens sake , do you guys have no respect for the dead atleast . You people seem hell bent on dragging the name of the poor girl into mud , simply to suit your outlandish theories , " Holmes had by now lost his cool, " What about the weapon?"
" Arre sahib , this fellow this a clever one , there is no trace of the weapon , but now this compounder tells us that he knows the location of the weapon and will help us retrieve it . "
" Good, but how did you elicit this information from the compounder , "
Holmes sounded pleased.
" Arre sahib, we are great at this , our third degree methods ensure that we can force a deer to confess to the murder of a lion ," the detective boasted .
Holmes could not see the reason for continuing any longer , but wishfully pressed on , "But what if the deer , oops... ,the person retracts his confession in court."
" Who is bothered about conviction , we simply want to close the file and move on to a new case . And furthermore , who gets convicted anyway . Nithari , Telgi, Kidney scam , you see the cases drag on and by the time the persons are convicted , apparently they have already served the sentence . And then there are the higher courts . So why bother!" , went on the detective .
" Exactly , why bother ," said Dr. Watson , " people get killed , children still go missing in U.P in large numbers , human organs are still up for sale , a child gets killed , her character is being muddied by ignorant fools who talk of honour killing , prestige . Banal theories are being floated around , purely for the consumption of TV channels , who in turn can also not be blamed , since the general public loves the voyuerism and hence the TRP. Courts convict criminals after ages and that too because the concerned families of the victims do not give up. You are right my friend , WHY BOTHER!!"
Sherlock Holmes for the first time in his carrier decided that this case was beyond his professional abilities , since none were required for , and that enough was enough, and walked out of the room .
There stood the brave warriors from the media , and their questions, " So Mr. Holmes , was Arushi killed by her father?", " Was she also having an affair with the compounder? ", " Do you know where the weapon is hidden, are you going to search in the water tank?", " Mr. Holmes, do you watch Hindi movies?".
Head bent , Holmes walked away , without uttering a word. While waiting at the airport , for the flight back home , he watched his detective friend talking to the media channels on the TV , " Mr. Holmes has concurred with our theory on the murder and has approved of our detection techniques . You guys unneccessarily want foreign help for everything ."
Holmes looked at Dr. Watson and said," Elementary , wasn't it Watson ?".


ON THE CONTRARY , WATSON , YOU CAN SEE EVERYTHING . YOU FAIL , HOWEVER TO REASON FROM WHAT YOU SEE . YOU ARE TOO TIMID IN DRAWING YOUR INFERENCES. -----SHERLOCK HOLMES .

MANORANJAN KA BAAP III- THE FINALE

“ He is the Moses of the game who has shown the path to blazing success.”-----Ravi Shastri speaking about Lalit Modi .
On my daily visit to the temple , this morning , I was surprised to find a voice conversing with somebody inside the temple . Peeping inside to enquire about the identity of the person , since there are very few people in the temple at dawn , my surprise turned to shock when I saw Moses , oops , Lalit Modi conversing with God .
The conversation went somewhat like this :
Lalit Modi to God: “ Khush to bahoot hoge aaj . Main ha main, jisne aaj tak kisi se kuch nahi maanga , aaj tumhare samne khada hoon . Woh kal ka baccha Stanford , jise koi nahi jaanta tha West Indies ke bahar , aaj Manoranjan ka dada (Grandfather) ho gaya . Main Manoranjan ka baap is nowhere . Khush to bahoot hoge aaj ………
Not knowing how to make head and tail of the conversation , I followed Lalit Modi outside the temple , and asked him “ Commissioner sahib ( I call him that only , I think he feels good about it ) , is everything alright ?”
Modi looked at me in disgust and said “ Don’t you know what Stanford has done ?”
Since I have failed to qualify for Paanchvi Pass , you can imagine my I.Q and General Awareness , but I did not want to appear my true self before Moses , I bluffed , “ Yes indeed , what a pity!!”
Believing that Stanford university had invented something or laid claim for patent on the cheerleaders , which had infuriated Lalit Modi , I went back and surfed the net for the latest on Stanford .
Very soon this ‘Paanchvi fail’ realized that Sir Allen Stanford , who is the chairman of Stanford financial group , is also into wealth management , real estate , insurance and it appears every money making machine under the Sun , had lauched a 20/20 tournament between The English XI and a Super Star XI . The Super Star XI will be composed of players from the Carribean and believe it or not , The Winner gets 10 million pounds in prize money . This Stanford fellow landed in a helicopter on the hallowed turf of Lord’s and brought along the entire prize money in a chest , as if to assure everybody that he was not bluffing . The players composing the winning XI will get 1 million pounds individually , one million pounds will be distributed among the players on the bench, the support staff will get one million pounds and the remaining 7 million pounds will be distributed between the English and the West Indian Cricket boards . Furthermore , the losing side will not get anything …….. yes ,NOTHING !!
Then it hit me …..
The Americans , as I had feared for long are out to get India . Like the spurned lover , they are out to get us because we have not acceded to the Nuclear Deal . First that President of theirs , that small Bush says that the food crisis in the world is because of us Indians ( Arre baba , we toh only eat McDonalds Burgers , and the poor still die of starvation ) , the Energy crisis is also because of us Indians. They have even issued advisories to their tourists to avoid Mumbai during monsoon , lest they fall into open manholes .

Cowards of the first order , I tell you , scared of falling into manholes , when we have been doing it for ages , nonchalantly . Kids in our country fall into borewells and become richer once they come out , and these Americans ……they want to catch bin Laden ……. Now when Moses Modi innovates something and employs American cheerleaders to entertain our cricket lovers ( I call it the revenge of the Indians , Americans dancing to our tunes , rather than the other way round) , here comes the Stanford fellow , and spoils everything .
These Americans , they have no respect or love for cricket , but like true Imperialists , they want to buy everything . Cricket , I tell you is a game of Gentleman ( what if Harbhajan slaps Sreesanth) and tradition (in which game else do you find so much time to sledge! ) and people play it for honour rather than money (IPL notwithstanding) .
Arre Baba , I tell you , what are Americans ……got no culture , no respect for women , no respect for elders …….bus money , money , money . Look at us and our traditions .
And no sir , I will not discuss the contemporary Indian tradition of ‘Honour killings’, ‘Female foeticide’, ‘the fact that the Govt .has to introduce law to enforce care for elderly parents’.
Anyway , let’s get back to Cricket . Cricket ! What Cricket ? I thought we were discussing 20/20 .
Oops….I forgot 20/20 also pertains to cricket , although with the IPL jamboree alongwith cheerleaders , players fighting with each other, Preity (pun intended ) heroines , Liquor bottles in pavilions , we simply forgot .
Speaking of liquor bottles , I take this opportunity to bow down in reverence to Ness Wadia , the scion of Bombay Dyeing ( how appropriate , with Raj T. around) and incidentally the owner of the Punjab King’s XI , who called the SSP (Senior Supdt. Of Police ) of Mohali , “ A small and a mean Man”.
Apparently the Punjab Police personnel were stealing T shirts and liquor bottles from the pavilion and Wadia and the SSP got into an argument . The same Punjab Police was once headed by one K.P.S . Gill and wiped out the terrorists from the state without any questions being raised . How the mighty have fallen !!!! Bravo , Bravo, Mr. Wadia …..what is an SSP anyway in front of you ? One who has merely qualified the exam considered to be amongst the toughest in the world (Civil Services) , earns in a month ( at least the salary) what you earn in probably in an hour , surely does not have a girlfriend as Preity ( pun again intended) as yours , and is merely a symbol of the Sarkar ( not Amitabh) . I am sure you keep the Sarkar and its Sarkar Raj , in your pocket . You , the one who is a great grandson of the Great Mohd. Ali Jinnah , the one who has the blood of a nation builder ( or destroyer , depending on how you look at it) , in his veins and a mere ‘ small and mean policewalah , dares to argue with you . I would have wished to be around if you had said the same thing to that man KPS Gill . Boy … it would have been fun .
But , since I am also a small and mean man , and am also a bit thick in the head , I just seek a clarification from Mr. Wadia , if his royal highness does not feel offended . Benevolent Sir , could you please let me know the reasons behind Liquor Bottles in the Pavilion ???

Maybe it is the tradition of Cricket ………..On second thought , maybe this was the reason for Bhajji slapping Sree . The bugger , belongs to Kerala is playing for Punjab and having fun , and here he was , a thoroughbred Punjabi stuck with this stingy Marathi Manoos . His owner Mukesh Ambani needed all the money for the dream home he is building and his captain Sachin has recently brought a mansion for 39 crores only , which he will be Demolishing , to build a new home . Expecting both of them to spare anything for Bhajji , was like expecting an Eskimo to buy a refrigerator .
Speaking of Sachin , the poor guy is exhausted of playing 3-4 matches in IPL and is not playing for the country at the ongoing tournament in Bangladesh .
Arre Baba , Bacche ki jaan loge kya ? What if he did not play in the test matches against South Africa , before IPL . He was unfit , yaar . He played 3,4 matches in IPL and has subsequently become ‘ unfit’ . What if he looked completely fit while playing in IPL ? I will not respond your snide remarks about him selecting to play in matches he wishes to .
You nasty people , Sachin has just brought a 39 crore mansion , Inflation is touching 8.7% , Petroleum prices have been hiked and all you want is , Sachin to Play!! Does he not have a family to look after , Merc and numerous other fuel guzzlers which require fuel ………….If he starts playing , who will do all the Ad shoots , Baba !!! As it is , this Dhoni guy is creating problems . No , Not with the team yaar , there he is no comparison , but in the modelling assignments . Wonder where he gets all the time to shoot , doesn’t he have to practice to play cricket !!
I must tell you about the fate of this guy , Rahul Dravid , who used to practice cricket all the time , used to think of cricket all the time . I heard somewhere that his dining table was designed like a cricket pitch , so that he could focus on cricket all the time. He restricted his practice of Ad shoots , talked of commitment , sincerity , integrity , read up on famous books , biographies .
Result ::::His skewed priorities ensured that The great Vijay Mallya ( one of my favourites) is teaching him the technique to build a team , In Public!!! The selectors have thrown him out of the limited overs team and I am sure , he will lose his spot in the test squad also, very soon. . Serves the guy right! Who asked him to be goody-goody , sincere , become the wicket keeper so that the team got the balance right , who asked him to open the innings when everybody , including the great one , ran away . Who asked this Rahul fellow to stand up against hostile fast bowlers when the smart ones simply surrendered and walked away for the Ad shoot . I give a damn (apparently even the selectors do ) to his statistics in matches away from home , in matches India had won ……..God has a way of ensuring that these guys get their desserts .

Desserts ………. Yes , the Stanford fellow ( I think he belongs to CIA) will get his desserts . He and his agency are no match for the ingenuity of our brilliant commissioner Lalit Modi . Modi has now introduced the concept of ‘Bartering’ in the IPL . Yessss, sir , ‘bartering’ , you know , like in olden times when you did not need money to procure something . You simply exchanged items . Confused!!
Let me illustrate , for example , if Kolkata want Gibbs from Hyderabad (not for match fixing , you fools..) , they can offer any other player from their team, ( obviously not the best , that they keep for themselves) , say the guy from Mizoram , who never played a match . If Hyderabad accept ( wonder why ) , the exchange is made , without money being involved.
What brilliance ! In these times of inflation and stuff , one of the theories being floated for the high rate of inflation , is the excess money in circulation in the market ( Don’t ask me ,I have not seen it ) . So with the barter in place we kill three birds with one stone . You get the player you want , dispose the one you dislike and most importantly , curtail inflation . Not for nothing are the Marwaris known for their business acumen .
What say , Sir Stanford , when you guys are scared of falling into manholes , how do you tackle this genius . You CIA guys , better stick to catching Laden , that might be easier .
Reportedly , Vijay Mallya has jumped on to the bartering idea . He wants to exchange Rahul Dravid . The worst part is that he does not want any player in exchange !! Shahrukh has also warmed upto the idea , but the Paanchvi Fail he also is, he wants to exchange any of his players for Preity Zinta , since he wants all the star power in his team . The fool , does not know that the scheme is for players only . Fools you are , with Shahrukh anything is possible . Ever heard a ban on a player being lifted for a month so that he can play for a team , the ban gets imposed when the tournament is over . Happened with Shoaib , didn’t it ? Banned for five or was it two years , his ban was kept in abeyance for one month , so that he could play for Shahrukh’s team . My sources tell me that even Ben Johnson has approached Shahrukh to get his life ban for steroid use, uplifted .

Anyway , the IPL is over , Dravid is practicing his footwork against spinners , Sachin is shooting for Ads and speaking to interior decorators , Shoaib is back to being banned , Preity is back for her shootings (Thank God) , Bhajji is brushing up on his vocabulary (speaking Monkey in Swahiili) and last but not the least Ekta Kapoor is back .

A COMRADE'S DIARY

This morning , while visiting the flea market , I managed to get my hands on the diary of a comrade . Though it is unethical to read a personal diary , I thought that I would share the contents of the diary in this writeup . I must inform all you useless people that the diary is reproduced ad-verbatim , and since Comrades are found mostly in West Bengal , I have only translated the parts written in Bengali . Therefore , I bear no responsibility towards the contents . Any grievance or appreciation be directed towards our dear comrade .
The relevant excerpts are reproduced hereunder :

JUNE 5 , 2008:
The bandh called to protest against the price hike in the petroleum products has been successful . This time our senior comrades have gone further and called bandh for a week , alongwith a call for its forcible implementation . Arre baba , we are such loving and caring people that people support our movements spontaneously , Na Korle Jabe Kothay , Pa Gulo Bhengey Debo ( we will break their legs if they don't) . We have developed the imposition of bandh into an art . Anybody trying to venture out on a bandh day , is taught the ART OF DYING . How dare they defy our call for protecting the interests of the poor . I still cannot stop myself from laughing when I remember the bandh called by our sister organisation CITU , a few years back . We caught hold of a few people while they were about to enter the international airport , to board a flight . There were a few women and children also , Ar Oder Chool Dhore Ja Tanlam ( dragged them by their hair ) . The way they were begging before us for forgiveness . Serves them right , doesn't it , for abandoning the poor and running away . The next day my photograph appeared in the newspapers , dragging a lady by her hair . I have gotten the photograph framed and it is hung inside my house . I was made the Gen. Secy. Of my local area committee after this brave incident . Somebody tell the senior comrades that why forcible implementation , when we can do so by love and affection only .
The media people keep on harping that the poor suffer the maximum during the bandhs as they cannot venture outside and earn a living . The media is full of middle class people , I tell you ! History is witness to the fact that revolutions are built on the dead bodies of the poor only . Look at the Russian Revolution . Did not hundreds and thousands of poor die during the revolution . But the result was there for all to see . Did our appartchiks not become the noveau rich , after all the blood had flown from the poor . This is the problem with the Indian poor , only thinking about the next meal .
That Bantoo Ghosh was saying that why doesn't the communist party withdraw support from the govt. for its anti-people policies and why does it fight with the Congress in West Bengal and Kerala and support them at the centre . He went on to say that there must be some magic in the P.M's tea since our comrades get pacified after meeting the P.M over a cup of tea . These anti revolutionaries are such a pain in the back . The Bantoo fellow will always drive a rickshaw in his life, I tell you . What does he know of politics anyway , he is not affected by rise in petroleum prices since he pulls a rickshaw , does not require petrol/ diesel , hardly earns anything , so does not need L.P.G. to cook food. He is saying that other goods like edibles will also get costly . FOOD……FOOD…. is that all they think about !! Here I am sitting in the latest Mc Donald's joint in Kolkata , thinking about revolution and the poor , without any care for inflation and stuff . Saala , Kaar Sahos Je Aamake Bill Debe ( who will dare to bill me ) . Unless and until the poor stop thinking of Food , their fate will not improve . There is so much in life to think about , people's revolution , egalitarian society , fighting the communal forces , and all they care about is FOOD!!!
Somebody told me that the actual cost of petrol is Rs. 22 only and the rest are taxes , and why doesn't the Govt. rationalise the taxes . Eder Ki Bolbo ( What do I tell them ) , this middle class does not want to pay taxes . Arre , if you do not pay taxes , how will our leaders go abroad ( to Cuba , ofcourse ) , how will we arrange a public reception for Hugo Chavez ( President of Venezuela ) . You people do not know that Venezuela is the IInd highest supplier of petroleum products to U.S.A . So you see, they can kill the great satan anyday they wish to .
Just hang on for a second , dear diary , let me attend to the call my son has made from U.S.A ., he is Green Card holder , you see . No , No , he did not study in Cuba or Venezuela , but studied in Iowa University .
Bantoo ( the Rickshawallah ) was telling me that why doesn't Chavez supply us petrol at a cheap rate , if he is such a good friend .
I told you na , these poor people , they do not understand market economics . Arre , why should he sell it to us at a cheap rate , if he can sell it at twice the rate to the great satan . Is a comrade not entitled to think of profit?
Talking of market economics , who better than our beloved Buddha babu to help us understand the concept . Have you seen the remarkable transition he has made to our policies , remember the one about a stateless and classless society and abolition of private property. After all we were the first to implement land reforms in the country , post Independence . The land was distributed amongst the poor , but the poor, the way they are, started resisting when we wanted the land back in Nandigram . After all , they say , they need the land for agricultural purposes and have refused to hand the land back to us for the purpose of SEZ . We again come back to the same logic of FOOD . Arre baba , how much food will you grow and consume . If you let us build SEZ , we will employ one person from each family in the factories . The employment will help you in buying food from the open market and you will also be empowered to buy Motorcycles , TV, Pepsi and stuff . Here we are on the verge of giving you so much and you insist on land . We have even ensured that the wonder car NANO is being built in West Bengal , at Singur . Taught the farmers in Singur a lesson they will not forget in a hurry . Now they are selling their land and will buy NANO with the money they get in compensation . But you Nandigram people are so selfish , Tomader Sudhu Zami Chayi ( you only want land).
These Nandigram people are so lucky that State Govt. is not permitted to have tanks , otherwise we would have shown them , the way our Chinese dadas did at Tianammen . Ungrateful wretches .
Dear diary , I must cofide in you . I have been given the charge of mobilising 500 cadres to go to Maharashtra to oppose the SEZ they are building there . Ki Bhabe , Ora Gorib Manoosher Zamin Nite Paare ( Do they think that they can take over the land of the poor people ).
I have just heard the news that the Trinamool Congress has called for a bandh tomorrow , to protest against the fuel price hike . These bourgeois think that they can get away with anything . Gorib Manoosh Kaaj Na Korle Khaabe Ki ( What will the poor man eat , if he is not allowed to work on a bandh day!). They have no consideration for the losses suffered throughout the state due to a bandh day . We will oppose the bandh with all our might . Dekhi Ke Dokan Ar Office Bandh Korate Paare ( we will see who can get the shops and offices closed ) .
KORBE LORBE JEETBO RE ( WILL DO , WILL FIGHT , WILL WIN)
POOR OF THE WORLD UNITE .

MAY 10, 2008
This governor Gopal Krishna Gandhi , who does he think he is ?
Mahatma Gandhier naati hole ki ? ( What that he is Mahatma Gandhi's grandson). He has decided that he will switch off the electricity at the Raj Bhawan for and hour every evening , to show solidarity with the common people in the city who are facing unscheduled power cuts . This business of empathising is ours, , how dare he usurp our role ? Our General Secy . Shyamal Chakravorti has put him in place , by saying that the Governor should eat once in a day , to empathise with the hungry , walk to programmes to save petrol etc. Daroon Boleche (brilliantly said) , HA HA .......
Arre this man is lucky . He should have consulted Dharamvir , the Governor in the late 1960' s , who was spat upon by our MLA's in the assembly . If Gandhi was posted as Governor in U.P. , he would never have tried to show his feelings by switching of electricity . Mayawati would have ensured that the lights never came back to his residence .
From the day he has come in , he is trying to teach us Gandhigiri . Imagine empathising with Taslima Nasrin, expressing sympathy with the people in Nandigram , calling for a debate on SEZ . Arre baba , what is there to debate !!! SEZ will be supported in West Bengal and Kerala , and opposed elsewhere . SIMPLE.... We have to protect the poor and oppressed elsewhere , whereas we already protect them in these two states . We have protected them like a specie on the verge of extinction . They have not been allowed to improve their standard of life , one wee bit .

This Gandhi fellow is quite like his Dadu (grandfather) . Prolific writer , has even reduced his security detail to a couple of cars . I cannot imagine anybody with only a couple of cars for security . Jyoti babu had 10 cars in his fleet and even Buddha babu , who started with two cars , is now protected by a large security detail . Threat from our ideological cousins , the Maoists , you see.
These Maoist fellows also claim to be fighting for the poor . I am completely confused ! How many people will fight for the poor and then fight amongst themselves , claiming to be the true representative of the poor . The poor remain poor but their representatives keep getting richer . This is the fun of poverty in our country .

MARCH 5, 2008.

Today , that badmash (rogue) Taslima Nasrin , has finally left the country . Baba , what a pain she had become . Our senior comrades gave shelter to her in Kolkata because we are so liberal and respect women .

But we have to look after our vote bank also . For years we have let in our brethrens from Bangladesh , unfettered into the country , provided them Ration cards , Voter I cards , everything a genuine citizen requires . So much so , the demography has completely changed in places bordering Bangladesh . But at least these people vote for us .

And this lady keeps on harping on women's rights in Islam and similar stuff .

Our Bangladeshi friends despise her and resorted to violence last year .

Dekho Kotha Bola Aalada ( Look it is a different thing to speak ) , but we cannot lose our assiduously built vote bank . We ensured that our firebrands Brinda Karat , Arundhati Roy , Shabana Azmi , did not utter a word in her favour and we subsequently forced her out of the city by simply refusing to protect the lady . What could she do , apart from runing away . Since she was not willing to stay anywhere else in India , apart from Kolkata , and we refused to let her in , what option did she have ?

It is our duty to absorb and protect millions of immigrants , but why should we bother about a lady . It is a democracy after all ::One against a million .

Tommorow Shabana Azmi is coming to the city , to participate in the seminar on Justice for women in Nigeria . I will be going there , after all women are our mothers and sisters .

I am going to sleep , dear diary.

LAL SALAAM.

THE END

UNDER CAPITALISM , MAN EXPLOITS MAN . UNDER COMMUNISM IT IS JUST THE OPPOSITE -----JOHN KENNETH GALBRAITH